The Wringer Chronicles, Volume V: Final Installment

Dang, 2009 was a crazy year. Seriously, I was so busy, especially the latter half of this year, that most of June through December is pretty much a blur.

I didn’t think it was possible, but I set a new record of sleep deprivation for myself. There was a 3-day span earlier this month where I literally only got 7 hours of sleep total. For 2 days in a row, I got 1.5 hours of sleep each, and on the third day I got 4 hours of sleep. And I went to my day job during those 3 days! I had been working on some writing projects at home that ate up lots of time, and I think I was just going on adrenaline, caffeine, and God’s grace. I guess maybe it was good practice for when I finish up my novel? :) At any rate, it took a great deal of self-control to not lash out in anger to anyone, especially any coworkers who would complain about “only” getting 5 hours of sleep. It’s good to remember that most of them are younger than I am. I don’t think I could have done this when I was younger. I’ve heard that you need less sleep as you get older, but I truly don’t want to repeat the sleep deprivation marathon of 2009. To sleep... to sleep... perchance to dream...

It’s a darn good thing I don’t have any roommates during this season of my life. Besides the crazy schedule, I spent a few evenings bawling into the living room carpet. I think that has to happen sometimes. If something hurts, it needs to get dealt with. If there’s a clog, it needs to get unclogged and cleaned out. I don’t know of any other way to pour out my heart to God the Healer than to grab my guitar or just a section of carpet and cry out to Him with my Bible open. I wait, He answers, and I have peace. Sometimes, this happens quickly, and other times, I have to find something lighthearted to do so I can give my brain a chance to cool off. (Cats can come in handy for this.) Regardless, it’s usually grueling but worth it.

I think I understand a little better why God had this wringer thing going on with me this year. It was probably for preparation. Lots of things changed this year, big and small. For instance, I’m typing this up on a notebook instead of that dinosaur desktop PC that would beef up my electricity bill every month.

Also, after lots of prayer, I decided to leave my church and look for another one. Something is wrong when you stop getting encouragement and start getting guilt trips at church. (And who wants to peel themselves out of bed early on a Sunday morning just so they can hear a guilt trip?) Just as an example, one of the pastors said that God can’t use geniuses or talented people. I severely disagree with this, firstly because it contradicts the Bible (see Matthew 25) and secondly because I believe God can use anyone who will let Him. Anyway, the church I’m at now seems guilt-trip-free and is growing so fast that they’re building a third campus and have 6 services each weekend -- 3 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday. You don’t necessarily have to peel yourself out of bed early on Sunday morning. A church that recognizes that some of us have crazy schedules -- how about that? :)

I really believe that God wanted 2009 to be a year of balance for me. One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed this year is that I’m much, much more assertive than I’ve been in a long time (probably since I was a kid). I guess that happens sometimes to those of us who get trampled in life -- we close ourselves up inside to protect ourselves or just get passive or passive-aggressive. This is bad because pain can fester and become depression. God can clean out the wound, heal the pain, and make everything better than new. I think this year, the pendulum swung the other direction, so to speak. I’m fed up with people criticizing me (not constructively), making fun of me (maliciously), and putting me down. I’m not gonna take it anymore. So, instead of walking away from a painful situation/conversation and thinking of cool comebacks to say later and relive the situation in my fried brain over and over again, I’m working on being assertive right away and moving on. The temptation is to just barf out insults back at the other person, so God has to remind me to be patient and gentle. :”> (See Galatians 5.) And there are times when I need to skip the assertiveness process and just let it go. (Like when Jesus let people beat Him up and didn’t say anything, before they crucified Him.) That’s kinda hard. But I’m learning. I’m not perfect. I’m human. But more importantly, I belong to God, and what He says goes. Nothing can separate me from His love, and He’ll help me love people and respond in situations the way He wants me to.

And I’m confident that 2010 will truly be a very good year. God is the same all the time, but He’s a Creator who’s always making new things, and He’s always making things new. Bring on the newness, Lord! :)

Happy New Year, everyone!!