The Wringer Chronicles, Volume IV

For some reason, almost every year around this time, I've noticed a sort of foggy funk in my life. I wonder if it's depression-related. I don't feel like I'm in despair or anything alarming like that -- there's just this sort of unspoken uncertainty that's hard to shake right away. Maybe it's triggered by people in my life (who are otherwise very significant) forgetting my birthday, or maybe it's these darn allergies. Whatever the reason, the transition from spring to summer is usually NOT my best time of year. (And it's good for me to at least be aware of it.)

I think it's been more pronounced since I've graduated from college. A friend of mine pointed out once that one reason why so many of us fall apart after we finish school is because suddenly our strict schedules are gone -- nobody is telling us when to be in class or when to do our homework or even what to do anymore. But I do remember feeling pretty blue after the school year would end while I was in college and my parents would drive me home for the summer -- where I was away from my friends and the extremely cool life I'd known for the other 9 months of the year.

One thing that doesn't help is that I've never really gelled well with outdoor summer activities. Swimming? never learned how to. Volleyball? I absolutely stink at it. Baseball? ha! base sports were never really kind to me. Picnics? barbecues are nice, but they usually only lead to the abovementioned activities. I usually enjoy racket sports like tennis or badminton, but it can be hard to find other people to play with. (Even while I was at the psychiatric hospital years ago, when the counselors took us all to the gymnasium, I went straight for the badminton rackets and convinced my roommate to play with me.) Overall, I'm not athletically inclined in the LEAST, so I find it very annoying anytime a so-called friend calls me a party pooper for not participating in outdoor summer activities. Oh, come on, you so-called friend. What's so bad about renting a movie? Are you afraid of getting lost in the aisles at Blockbuster? Oh, no. I'm drowning in movie genres...

So, the promise of summer isn't always an exciting thing for me. I still have to go to work, like most of America. I don't get to wake up at 8 a.m. and play Monopoly until 3:00 like I used to do with my sister when we were little kids. (Not counting breakfast and lunch breaks.)

And, thankfully, as I've gotten older, summertime has begun to mean more about developing relationships in general than just getting a bad sunburn under the volleyball net. As May oozes into June, your friends get vacation time, and they make time to see you. You get to budget more money for spontaneous hangouts and less for allergy medications. It's a beautiful thing.

So, after the foggy funk lifts, if you invite me to play water volleyball and I laugh hysterically, please don't take it personally. Please allow me to compose myself, apologize, and offer to meet you later at Starbucks or something. Oh, no. I'm drowning in mocha frappuccinos...