The Wringer Chronicles, Volume I

[Originally posted 2/23/09] A few years ago, my mom and sister somehow got it into their heads that the best place to shop for me is in the toy section. Consequently, I've got new Veggie Tales in my DVD collection and Veggie Tales figurines that collect dust in my closet. The problem: I'm almost 33 years old, I don't have children, and I don't hang around children very often. I appreciate the gifts (and yes, I'm a Veggie Tales fan as much as the next Baylor alumna), but I'm not exactly sure why the women in my family starting shopping for me like I'm 9 years old. (Not to mention, it's a reminder that yells just as loud as my biological clock that I'm seemingly overdue for marriage and a family! AAAGH!! Ahem. OK, I think I can pull it together...)

I think they may have misinterpreted my behavior while I was living with my parents. (I moved back home when I was age 27-30.) For a while, when I worked nights, the highlight of my evening was watching Garfield and Friends on the Toon Disney Channel at 1 in the morning. And more often than not, I'd watch Mr. Roger's Neighborhood after a hard day's work.

I believe it was during that time that I learned something important about myself: When I'm really stressed out, I revert back to childhood. For instance, if I'm trying to unwind while driving home from work after a hectic day and I'm sitting at the stoplight, I'll catch myself singing something from the Annie soundtrack. ("The sun'll come out / Tomorrow / Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow / There'll be suuuuun... ") Yes, I definitely think a good dose of nostalgia is healthy every now and then, but a grown woman comforting herself with Sesame Street songs is kinda sad.

So, the whole time I was enjoying cartoons like a 9-year-old while I was 30 and living with my parents in a town that I despised and working a job that I hated, of course I was majorly stressed out. (I'm almost surprised that I didn't start sucking my thumb, wrecking 4 years' worth of orthodontic work.)

When I had a serious emotional breakdown over 8 years ago and got in my car and just drove one Friday morning, I eventually ended up in Bastrop, Texas (where I lived from 7 months old to age 6), and drove to the church that my dad used to pastor. I just parked my car, walked up to the nursery window, and just sort of stared inside and snooped around the outside of the building for a little while. I was severely distressed and stressed out, and I just sort of wanted to hang out in my childhood for a while, I guess.

Strange, huh? (Hey, blogging is cheaper than therapy. :))

Anyway, at the moment, I'm better now, but I noticed that I reverted back to childhood earlier this month, this time with theme songs to TV shows that I used to watch in the late 70s/early 80s. I was playing this YouTube video of a song quite a bit, and this one was in my mind more recently. I wonder if they sell these on iTunes? (Man, we Generation-Xers grew up during some crazy times. :))

Another thing I learned about myself during my emotional breakdown is that when I'm truly depressed, I won't brush my teeth. (Under healthy circumstances, I'll brush twice a day.) I know it sounds weird, but when I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital years ago, I had gone an entire week without brushing my teeth. (It was extremely gross, especially with that black charcoal stuff they made me drink. Blech!!) Maybe it's because I didn't believe I was worth doing even the tiniest little thing for myself, like toothbrushing. Thankfully, I've learned since then that yes, I am worth even keeping my teeth clean, and that I live a life that's precious in at least God's sight. :)

It's good to at least be aware of any iffy emotional state that I might be in. Recently, God reminded me that He knows when I'm hurting and that He's right there: "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry." (Psalm 34:15)

I'm not exactly sure what was stressing me out recently (not counting Valentine's Day) -- although it was probably a combination of different stuff -- but I'm glad that I've got Somebody to turn to. For now, I'm staying on the alert, and I've got more good news: I have been brushing my teeth, preserving those 4 years' worth of orthodontic work. :)