My church is currently wrapping up a 21-day corporate fast that we
usually do every January. This time around, I felt like God wanted me to do a
7-day fast to symbolize that my current season is a short one. In addition,
anytime I would drink coffee during my fast, God wanted me to drink it black to
symbolize the bitterness of my current season. (God is really into symbolism.) When I started my fast and drank my first sip of coffee, I remarked, "That tastes terrible."
Indeed.
Indeed.
I ate nothing but soup for seven days; if I could put something
into a soup, I could eat it. Before I began my fast, I thought/prayed through
the different types of things that I could put into a soup -- like cookies? God
was like, No, don't put cookies into a soup. (It would be inappropriate and
gross.) But He did give me the green light for peanut-butter crackers once or
twice. That was pretty good. Most of the time, I toasted a slice of bread, tore it into pieces,
and floated them on top like croutons. With chicken noodle soup, the toast
would get soggy pretty quickly (which isn't a problem if you eat quickly), but I ate a few bowls of bean-and-ham soup that was pretty
thick and allowed the toast to float and stay crispy for a while. (And it
tasted awesome with barbecue sauce mixed into it.)
But my favorite was the cup of ramen noodle soup with unsalted peanuts
mixed into it (the middle one in the photo I shared at the beginning of this
post), which I would eat for lunch at work. In fact, I liked it so much that
I've decided to eat it more often, like on days when I need to eat a
quick/cheap dinner after work.
Several weeks ago, a pastor preached a sermon about persevering in the
new year. I know that 2018 will be a very awesome year for me. But right now
I'm still living in the aftershocks of the latter part of 2017, which for me
included unemployment/underemployment and the financial issues that came with
it. I'm still waiting to be hired permanently at my temp job, still waiting for
my side-job opportunities to be lucrative, still waiting for that non-compete agreement
I signed with my previous employer to expire, and still waiting for continued
financial provision.
Right after I finished my fast, I crunched some numbers and was hit
afresh with the reality of my need for God to provide me with some cash. But He
reminded me that the season I'm in won't last forever. It will be short (like my fast),
I'm going to need to remember the things that I'm currently learning, and I'm
going to look back on all this and laugh someday. (And hopefully the things
that I'm walking through will help somebody else someday.)
I'm thankful for my current job, but it really does pay peanuts, so to
speak. God has shown me that sometimes peanuts are enough. (Especially when
they're swirled around in a steaming-hot cup of ramen soup. Aww, yeah.)
Around the very beginning of this year, God showed me that I would be
experiencing some déjà vu. That caught my attention. Years ago, I was part of a
church that taught that déjà vu was something that you needed to get freedom
from -- as if déjà vu were some kind of occult activity. But I never really
understood why.
Déjà vu (the feeling that you've already experienced something before)
means that there's a glitch in the Matrix, right? (Black cat suddenly appears
near Neo and meows.) That means the agents have changed something -- run!
Hold on, now. If the Matrix is symbolic of life in this world, which is
overseen by God, then Him changing something in the Matrix is a GOOD thing, not
something that you need to rebuke. God can change as many things in my world as
He wants -- in fact, I need Him to.
Last Saturday (while I was fasting), I returned home from running an
errand or two and noticed on the right side of my car that my fender clip was loose. I tried to screw it
back in, but it wouldn't tighten. Since I had gotten my fender liner replaced
several months ago (right after I lost my job), I drove to the dealership that
had made the repair so that they could fix the clip. Sure enough, it was
broken, and they replaced it very quickly, free of charge. There it is pictured
several paragraphs up. I had never been so excited to see a fender clip in my
entire life.
But I had some déjà vu during that mini-crisis -- it was as if I were
having car trouble all over again. But where was the demonic activity that
supposedly needed to be rebuked? I didn't sense the presence of any demons. I
was being taken care of by a God who makes sure I notice details just in time,
who provides everything I need, and who is just as concerned about my safety as
I am. (Actually, I think He cares more about my safety than I do.)
So, who are these freedom-curriculum writers who had this cockamamie
idea about déjà vu being some weird occult thing? Whoever they are, I think
they're full of it. I think I've even found some examples of déjà vu in the Bible.
I think God sometimes gets déjà vu while He's watching us live our
lives...
"Now Abraham said of Sarah his wife, 'She is my sister.' And
Abimelech king of Gerar sent and took Sarah." (Genesis 20:2)
"So Isaac dwelt in Gerar. And the men of the place asked about his
wife. And he said, 'She is my sister'; for he was afraid to say, 'She is my
wife,' because he thought, 'lest the men of the place kill me for Rebekah,
because she is beautiful to behold.' " (Genesis 26:6-7)
I think if Peter had been paying attention, he would have gotten déjà
vu, too...
"Then the servant girl who kept the door said to Peter, 'You are
not also one of this Man's disciples, are you?' He said, 'I am not.' ... Now
Simon Peter stood and warmed himself. Therefore they said to him, 'You are not
also one of His disciples, are you?' He denied it and said, 'I am not!' One of
the servants of the high priest, a relative of him whose ear Peter had cut off,
said, 'Did I not see you in the garden with Him?' Peter then denied again; and immediately
a rooster crowed." (John 18: 17, 25-26)
I think Paul's struggle exemplifies the type of déjà vu that we as
believers can feel while we're walking through this crazy life as best we
can...
"And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of
the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to
buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded
with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, 'My
grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' "
(2 Corinthians 12:7-9)
I think déjà vu can be a good thing for me, if it happens because God
is restoring me...
"You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me
again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth." (Psalm 71:20)
Around the beginning of this crazy unemployment/underemployment season
last year, God showed me that I wasn't afraid of the unknown; I was afraid of
the KNOWN. I was afraid of going through yet another season of financial
difficulty. I guess it was only natural to fear that sort of thing, because financial
problems are never a fun thing to live through. Creditors treat you like a
criminal. Potential employers treat you like a child. Relatives or well-meaning
friends can treat you like a problem. You do your best to look for work but end
up feeling like a useless member of society. And you wonder if you'll ever be
able to catch up. Or fit in.
But, if you've followed my blog for the past several months, you know
that God has provided for me financially in some seriously awesome ways. And I
know He's gonna continue to do so. I have an idea of what's coming, so I kinda know what to expect, because
I've already lived through something similar.
That's my kind of déjà vu.
