When I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, I remarked that
2020 and 2021 were like a package deal. I had never thought about it that way,
but I think it’s true! 2020 and 2021 were like a package that we didn’t order
and that we weren’t expecting, but suddenly it landed on our doorstep, and we
had to deal with it.
You know how sometimes we’ll pray near the beginning of a year and ask
God to give us a word for the year so that we’ll know what to expect? Or so that
we’ll have something to hold on to throughout the year? If you read my post from December 2020, you may remember that my word for 2021 was “party.” I was
expecting that to mean that I would have a lot of fun in 2021, and I was
expecting simultaneously to die to myself (in the Matthew 16:24 sense of the
word).
I did see and experience all of that, now that I think about it. When everything
started opening back up again—church and school especially—it did feel like a
big party, because we all got to finally see each other again. I got to hang
out with people from choir this year, I met a bunch of new people at a
different church this year, I got a lot of new editing jobs this year, I got to
spend time with friends when they gave me rides this year, and I got to
participate in my church’s Christmas musical this year. One big party! Lots of
fun!
But there was also a lot that happened in 2021 that I (or we) did NOT
expect. The word “party,” which basically means a collection of people, also
began to mean to me (I’m not sure that this is in any dictionary) a collection
of issues or problems.
At the beginning of 2021 (I think on January 1st?), the electricity
went out in my apartment, and I think it foreshadowed the electricity-less
horror movie that most of us Texans would experience that February. I believe many of
us called it “Snovid” because it was that bad. We couldn’t go to work, we
couldn’t go to school, I didn’t want to shower in freezing-cold water, I had to
read a textbook by candlelight, and it was 45 degrees in my apartment when I
was finally whisked away to a house that had electricity and warm water (that’s
how I got to hang out with people from choir). Also, the congregation
where I used to sing on some Saturdays suddenly fired/let go of its worship team due
to a decrease in finances due to COVID—which later prompted me to apply for a
part-time gig at another church where I now sing and play on Sundays (that’s
how I met a bunch of new people at a different church.) I thought that my new
pet-sitting gig would take off, but it didn’t, but thankfully God provided a
way for me to earn money, anyway (that’s how I got a lot of new editing jobs). My
car was in the shop from August 11th until November 29th, and I needed to get
rides everywhere (that’s how I got to spend time with friends while we were en
route to school, work, other places, and back home again).
We all had such high hopes for 2021! But those hopes were dashed to
pieces bit by bit as the “party” of issues and problems came at us.
But I think I learned a lot. I did have to die to myself, in a sense,
when I had to ask people for rides everywhere. (In fact, when I look back on
2021, this is probably the part that I’ll remember most vividly.) I missed my
car, but I missed my independence more than anything else. I suddenly went from
being an independent middle-aged woman to a chick who kept asking for rides
like some little kid. It was a humbling experience, but I think I learned how
to be more resourceful than ever. If someone couldn’t give me a ride, I had to
move on to the next person on my mental list. If no one was available, I had to
be prepared to hire a Lyft. I also learned that not everyone is as generous or
as nice as you think they are. OK, if you can’t give me a ride, fine, but don’t
treat me like a problem that needs to be solved. I’m a human being. If you
prick me, I bleed.
I found myself needing to work through rejection issues again. I heard
people saying “no” an awful lot in 2021—in ways that I didn’t expect to hear. I
cried a lot on God’s shoulder, and He showed me that a delayed answer isn’t
always a “no.” It might just be a delayed “yes.” There’s no reason to freak out
in the meantime.
So, my world getting shaken up in those ways kind of forced me to die
to myself. Good things happen when you submit to that process.
Take my car
situation, for example. When I (finally) got to pick it up from the shop, and I was
waiting for it to be delivered, another customer came into the shop and
explained that his wife’s car had been there for two months. (Hmm. That situation
seemed oddly familiar.) He wasn’t yelling, but he was calmly wondering what the
heck was the holdup, and I couldn’t help but overhear. The shop’s new manager
explained that the shop’s staff had been experiencing significant health issues.
There had been a recent COVID outbreak. The owner of the shop (who wasn’t there
that day) also had been struggling with serious health issues and was about to
lose his feet (I presume he’s diabetic). All of this had put the
shop ridiculously behind.
For months, while I was waiting for my car to be fixed, people had been
telling me that I should pitch a fit at the shop because of the unusually long
repair, get my car out of there, and take it somewhere else to get repaired, because
I was getting taken advantage of as a single woman.
But God was telling me to wait.
Hmm. I’m glad I listened to Him. Apparently, there was a whole
situation happening behind the scenes that no one else knew about.
So, the package deal of 2020-2021 was a huge nightmare-collection of stuff
that we had to live through. But we made it!
ABBA, one of my favorite groups, released a new album in November (with
singles releasing earlier in the year). One of the songs is a remastered version of an older
song, but the rest of them are all-new songs! After their 1981 breakup, and
despite their ingenious marketing techniques, this new album was a complete surprise
to me. Forty years later, their music still sounds the same, and I fell in love
with it all over again. I’ve shared a photo of me dancing to my favorite new
song from the album.
Someone on YouTube commented that ABBA came back at a time when we needed them the most. I think in a way, that’s true. For me, their music is a fun
break from the horrible experiences that we’ve all had these past two years. The
fact that we made it through is cause for celebration, right? So, why not dance? I
mean, it’s a party.
What about 2022?
Keeping in mind that things don’t always turn out like we think
they will, I think my word for 2022 is “settling.” Since I’ve spent the past
few years earning a worship music degree, I hope that I’ll be settling into a
new job after I graduate. Since I’ll have to move out of my apartment in May
(oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that my apartment complex made quite a few of my
neighbors move out of their apartments in 2021 for renovations), I’m sure that I’ll
be settling into a new home. I hope that my leftover emotions from 2021 will
settle as well.
I also feel like we’ll get to see a lot of miracles in 2022. I’m
looking forward to that!
You know how 2020 and 2021 unfolded a little bit at a time, in a bad
way? I think God has been showing me that (at least for me) 2022 will unfold a
little bit at a time, in a good way. I’m looking forward to that, too!
