As I mentioned in my previous post, I needed to get another part-time job so that I could make ends meet. During the interview process, I agreed to work there for at least four months, so I did that and have now moved on. Time to rest! This has been a mighty exhausting ride. I learned some things—and not just in seminary. (OH MY GOSH THE APOSTLE PAUL WAS NOT A GNOSTIC JUST BECAUSE HE WAS MORE SPIRITUAL THAN YOU ARE DOESN'T MEAN HE WAS A GNOSTIC SO JUST GET THAT THOUGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD) What I’d like to do here is share some of the big highlights.
1. God’s grace really can pull you through stuff. I have just lived through one of the most exhausting seasons that I have ever lived through. I would peel myself out of bed in the mornings (after hitting the snooze button multiple times), drive to my day job to work 10-3, then drive to my night job to work 4-9, then drive home and finally take a break, then do grad-school homework, then have a quiet time, and then fall asleep so that I could wake up and do it all over again the next day. In between all of that, I would need to read for my classes. On Saturdays, I would rest. On Sundays, I would do even more homework, try to catch up on reading, and try to do a tiny bit of housework. There wasn’t really much time for adulting or being human. (I took a few days off here and there from my night job, which helped, but it was still rough.)
That was August-October. From June-August, I did all of the above minus the homework, plus an hour and a half of vegging out after I’d get home at night. And I haven’t even mentioned needing to squeeze in some editing work for clients a couple of times. June-August was exhausting, but August-October was exhausting upon exhausting.
But I made it through. The only explanation I have is that God pulled me through. I honestly didn’t think that I’d make it this long with such an insane schedule, but God helped me—every step of the way.
2. A little perspective can go a long way. After years of not being able to read up close, wearing reading glasses over my regular glasses like that crazy lady on a reality TV show, and needing to take my glasses off so that I can read my phone, a very generous friend blessed me with bifocals! They’re very convenient, and I love them.
But I couldn’t quite see right away when I first got them. I thought maybe my eyes just needed to get used to them, but then I noticed that if I elevated them a little bit off my nose, I can see much better out of them. So, I grabbed some cotton and stuffed them under the frames one night so that I could see well enough to finish a homework assignment. (I snapped the above photo to document this event.) I got some adhesive nose pads the next day. Turns out, my eyes need to look into a particular part of each lens in order to properly see the world.
I like bifocals. They give me variety. If I look into one lens type, I can see far away. If I look into another lens type, I can see up close. (Trifocals someday will be triple awesome!)
While I was researching the pros and cons of bifocals, I learned that some folks are vehemently against bifocals. One site claimed that bifocals are the cause of elderly people falling, because the lenses cause perspective issues. (Um, I thought the elderly tend to suffer falls because of their vulnerable frame.) A previous nurse practitioner of mine said that she had trouble seeing with bifocals while she was walking down flights of stairs. (OK, so it’s a little blurry, but I can see stairs and my feet moving on them; mission accomplished.) One website said that the best way to see is to actually carry around two types of glasses. (Uh, have you ever tried living a normal life while your reading glasses clunk around in your purse?) Wow. Not sure why bifocals have so many haters. (Sorry, Benjamin Franklin.)
But none of these haters has my perspective. Why? Because none of them is me. In order to understand why my bifocals work for me, they’ll need to look through them with my eyes. In order to understand why someone is or acts a certain way, I’ll need to at least try to imagine what it’s like seeing the world through his or her eyes.
Adjusting your perspective can be a very healthy thing. Or sometimes you just need to adjust your expectations. (I’ve been told this before, but now I’ve experienced how true it is.) If you expect brilliance from someone who has proven himself or herself to be incompetent, you will be frustrated. If you expect compassion and understanding from someone who has never been in your situation, you will be hurt.
You’d think that working for a prayer ministry would make you feel appreciated because you’re helping people, right? Not necessarily.
Turns out, praying for people over the phone in a call center isn’t like praying for people at the altar at church. At the altar, people don’t walk up to you and complain about the church. (At least, I hope they don’t.) At the altar, people don’t take twenty minutes to tell you their prayer request, interrupt you while you’re trying to pray, or try to keep you at the altar after you finish praying so that they can shoot the breeze with you. (Do they?) At the altar, the prayer captain doesn’t tap you on the shoulder during your prayer to warn you that you’re taking too much time with someone who needs prayer. (I mean, really.)
In all of my various experiences in working at call centers, I’ve learned that people or customers don’t always treat the phone representative like a real person. They tend to be extra rude to that person because he or she is just a voice on the phone. But if you’ll try to imagine phone reps as actual human beings who took call-center jobs because they need the paychecks, maybe you’ll see through their eyes that the experience on the phone is just as unpleasant for them as it is for you.
I’ve heard it said—and I agree—that sometimes experiencing something unpleasant is meant to just be filed away in your brain as an example of how to not treat people.
3. Sometimes I just need to shut up. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been dealing with bitterness. That has gotten better, but the journey hasn’t been pretty. Sometimes thoughts will fly through my head, and I’ll find myself telling people off in my head—and it’s very ugly. I’ll shock myself with what I say in my head, and I’ll hear myself say out loud, “I just need to shut up.” Some things are just better left unsaid...
... especially during PMS. Here’s a little list that I wrote for myself one day while I was in the meltdown phase of PMS. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. And there’s a reason for that.
4. One tough season can prepare you for another tough season. While I was earning my second bachelor’s degree, I worked multiple jobs while I was going to school full-time and participating on multiple worship teams. Even though I was having the time of my life, it was ridiculously exhausting, but God helped me through it, and it helped to remember that school was only temporary.
Now I’ve worked multiple jobs while I’ve been going to graduate school part-time online, but I had to take a break from singing on worship teams so that I could work evenings. At my night job in the call center, worship music would constantly play in the background. Sometimes between phone calls, I would hear a song playing that I had sung on the platform with a previous team, or that I learned how to play on the piano while I was in school, and I would miss being on worship teams... and I would try to not cry. (My non-crying attempts weren’t always successful.)
God helped me through it, and it helped to remember that my time away from the worship platform was only temporary.
During all of that, I needed to hone my time-management and administrative skills, and I needed to dig deep and find some extra stamina. I wonder if there’ll be something in my future that will require all of that, too.
5. There’s a reason why youth can be despised. In 1 Timothy 4:12 (NKJV), Paul exhorted Timothy, who led the church in Ephesus: “Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” (The NLT version of that verse says, “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young.”) During these past four months, when every single one of my supervisors at all of my jobs were not only younger than I am, but also in a completely different generation that I am, I thought about this verse.
I was reminded of what it was like to be that young. During my early 20s, I was told that because I was young, I was very idealistic. That statement hurt me at the time, but in a way it was correct. When you’re young, you tend to do everything by the book. If you do, and if you’re in charge, people will despise you and your immaturity. When you get older, you’ll realize that you simply can’t do everything by the book—when life itself happens to you, it couldn’t care less about any book. It just happens, and you adjust. Situations come along, and you need to adapt or else you won’t make it.
But younger people haven’t necessarily learned this yet. During these past four months, I got treated in ways that made me wonder: Am I reaping all of those immature things that I sowed when I was a young leader in my early 20s? If so, everybody who I knew back then, please accept my sincere apologies.
Not everything goes by the book or will follow a rule. People and their situations are organic. They need to breathe. They need your common sense. They need for you to love them.
6. God really does see you. Just let that sink in a little. He’s nearer than you may think He is.
7. Waiting can be extremely hard, but if waiting is the right thing to do, it’ll be worth it. I’m saying this in faith. I keep feeling like God says to stay here and wait, so I’ve been waiting. If I’m not ready for what God has for me yet, then I’ll let Him keep molding me until I’m ready... and I’d like to enjoy life while I’m waiting.
(P.S. OH MY GOSH PAUL WAS NOT A GNOSTIC)
