Back when I used to have time to blog, I think I would post something
once a week or at least once a month. Now that I’ve gone back to school—which,
if you’ve been following my blog over the years, is a dream come true—I think I
only have time to blog once a semester. I also usually blog around New Year’s Day. So, due to my crazy schedule, I thought I’d combine those two things and
blog everything here all at once. Thank you in advance for reading.
Academic phenomenon
The word that God gave me for my 2019 was “phenomenon.” If I remember
correctly, I took that to mean that 2019 would be a really cool year and that
maybe stuff would happen that I wouldn’t quite be able to explain. I remembered all of that near
the beginning of the year, but then I kind of forgot about it... probably
because I was smack-dab in the midst of it.
First of all, this year I became a full-time Bible college student with
three part-time jobs, and I also sing on three worship teams. Yes, you read
that correctly. I’ve been extremely busy. And I’ve been having the time of my
life. MeepMeep has had to be flexible with my
crazy schedule, but she’s been adjusting like a champ. (And she takes advantage of
every possible opportunity to get my attention.)
This past semester, my schedule was slammed. Most of the time during
the day, when I wasn’t in class, I was at work. At night, I had to practice for
my voice lesson and my guitar lesson and also do my homework. There wasn’t any
way humanly possible to get absolutely everything done perfectly or to read
every assigned page every time.
So, God helped me. I prioritized. I worked on whatever was due first
(whatever was in front of me). If I had to do a book report/critique for a
class, I took the paperback with me to school/work so that I could read it if I
had time and also to read it between/during food deliveries. Other than that, I
couldn’t find or make time to read any textbooks to prepare for lectures. In
one of my classes, I ended up reading only chapter 1 of the textbook and part
of chapter 2 but still did OK on the midterm exam. However, I found out that
the professor in another class graded us on whether or not we read the textbook (if you
read less than 100% of the assigned reading, he would count off points on your
exam, if you would answer honestly). So, for that class, I hope this isn’t TMI, I
kept the textbook in the restroom and did most of my reading in there.
Here’s
my point: I had to make some adjustments this year. Would you like to see the results?
...and here are my grades for Fall 2019.
I got all As for both semesters. I hope you
understand that these were NOT easy As. My school is an accredited university with challenging curriculum. Yes, I worked my little tail off to
show up for class, learn the material, and complete the assignments. Yes, I
already have a bachelor’s degree, so I know how to do the work, I know what
professors are looking for, and I know how to write papers. Yes, I only got
about 4-5 hours of sleep a night (except for Saturdays, when I would rest
completely).
But... what the heck? When I learned what all of my grades were for the Spring, I burst into
explosive-triumphant tears. When I learned what all of my grades were for the Fall, I was ecstatic
but still kind of stunned. How... in the world... did I get straight As while
being in school full time, with three part-time jobs and spots on three worship
teams?
I believe that was a phenomenon. It’s something cool that happened, but
I can’t really explain it. I just kept showing up, and so did God. If there’s
any doubt in my mind as to whether or not I made the right decision to go back to
school, I can just look at my GPA.
One cool thing about being in Bible college is the constant reminder
that everything I do or experience during this season is really just
preparation for ministry. Time management is probably going to be a big deal
when I become a pastor someday.
When I was at Baylor, I was a traditional college student with no job—just
school, church, and the typical social life of a young adult. And yet I ended up
pulling all-nighters and would show up 20 minutes late for class because I
hadn’t finished my papers in time. And I usually didn’t make straight As. I
have no idea what ate up all the time that I had on my hands.
In contrast, in Bible college with absolutely no spare time whatsoever,
I didn’t have to pull any all-nighters, I showered daily, I packed a lunch and
hauled it around with me every day, and I stayed awake during the day without a
drop of caffeine. Staying awake at night was a challenge (towards the end of
the semester, I would either take a power nap or just go to bed early and wake
up early the next day to finish homework), but I still learned an important
lesson: You’ll learn how to manage your time when you don’t HAVE time.
At the beginning of this past semester, I had class on Thursdays from 8
to 12:15, and then I had a voice lesson at 12:30, and then I had to be at work
at 1:30, and then as soon as I got off work, I had a guitar lesson scheduled at
5:00. I remember thinking, Why am I doing
this to myself? Then I realized: If I become a pastor someday, my schedule
might just be that crazy. I might as well get used to it now.
My work schedule changed slightly, so I had a tiny bit of
breathing room in my schedule for the rest of the semester, but still... this entire thing has just been a
phenomenon.
Biblical phenomenon
The way I see the Bible has really been stretched this year—in a good
way, of course. I wrote in a previous post about how I took a class this summer
that showed me how harmful it can be to just quote Bible verses out of context.
The class also taught us how important it is to actually read the Bible, rather
than just analyzing it and studying it. This past semester, I took a class that
balanced out my summer class: I learned how to actually study the Bible, which
of course involves looking at Bible passages in their own context and in their
historical context, etc. I think it was my favorite class this Fall.
One thing I learned is that there is a difference between something
called exegesis (studying and
examining the Bible to see what you can get out of it) and eisegesis (reading something into a Bible verse that isn’t really
there). Reader, if I have misled you in past blog posts by performing eisegesis on a Bible verse (quoting it so
that it would fit into what I was saying), I do apologize. My disclaimer was
always that I’m not a theologian or a Bible scholar, but I’ve since learned
that I actually am... especially if I’m a songwriter.
We worship leaders are learning nowadays just how influential we are in
shaping the theology of contemporary Christians. People sometimes get their
theological beliefs from the songs that we write. For example, here’s something
that’s been bothering me lately. We toss around the term “The Great I AM”
rather frequently, but is that term exactly in the Bible? I haven’t been able
to find it. In Exodus chapter 3, God calls Himself “I AM” and “I AM WHO I AM”
in the NKJV, but where did “The Great” come from?
Did it come from a songwriter? Did it come from Jared Anderson’s song
“Great I Am?” Or did it come from Mark Lowry’s Christmas song “Mary Did You
Know?” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with calling God “The Great I AM,”
because He is, but I’ve heard it said that we songwriters have way more
influence on people theologically than we think we do, and I totally agree now.
It’s sobering to think about.
A song really is a powerful piece of artwork. And we singers are the
ones who are crazy enough to face the enemy head-on in the thick of battle. No
wonder he hates us and attacks us so fiercely.
Speaking of songwriting (yes, I’ve even made time for that this year),
one part of the Bible that has been inspiring me and fascinating me this
semester is the Book of Ecclesiastes (again). In class, we learned that the
wisdom books of the Bible aren’t a collection of promises; they are a
collection of observations that are usually true. Thank heavens! For example:
“The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the
lender.” (Proverbs 22:7, NKJV)
If Proverbs 22:7 were a promise, I think I would be doomed to a
lifetime of servitude, because I’ve borrowed quite a bit of money. Yes, the
debt that I owe has caused me to work so that I can pay it off, but I don’t
live under rich people’s thumbs. Actually, when I deliver their dinner, they’re kind of at my mercy. If I don’t show up to their house, they’ll
starve. Maniacal laughter!
Similarly:
“Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is
made better.” (Ecclesiastes 7:3, NKJV)
Say what?! Is this verse God’s way of promising me that He’s going to
ensure that I have more bad times than good times just because the bad times
are BETTER for me than the good times?? Um, no. The context of this verse is a
collection of similar sayings. King Solomon, the author, is sharing
observations that he’s made about how experiencing the harder things in life
are better for a person in the long run than just partying like a fool all the
time. (In other words, going through hard times will shape you in a way that
just being happy all the time won’t. I believe this is what the commentaries
say as well.) Solomon was a king who had like 1,000 women, so he knew what he
was talking about.
Are all of these observations inspired by God? Yes, of course. Do they
contain any errors? No, I don’t believe they do. It’s the Bible. That means
it’s perfect.
Family phenomenon
This year, long story short, God showed me that I needed to connect
with my mother before she passes away. This past summer, I saw her for the first
time in eight and a half years. I visited her at her hospice bed for a short
while. I won’t go into details here, but I will say this: Due to her dementia,
I was told that she might not know who I am and that she could barely move (due to muscle atrophy). But she knew who I was, and when I said goodbye, she
was able to say goodbye back. As I was walking out of the room and waving
goodbye, she followed me with her neck and eyes, smiled, raised her hand and
arm out of bed, and waved goodbye.
I was not expecting that precious moment to happen this year.
Health phenomenon
I’ve still been monitoring my blood pressure. Due to transitions in
health insurance companies, I haven’t seen a doctor or P.A. since this summer,
and one of my prescriptions is out of refills, so I’m only taking two
medications now. I mostly didn’t have time to exercise while school was in
session, but I’ve still been doing my best to follow my low-sodium diet.
I’ve noticed something interesting. Even when I’m following my diet to
the letter, my blood pressure is still high when I’m stressed. On the other
hand, there have been times when I thought maybe my BP would be high due to my
not being able to avoid salty foods (for example, if I attend an event where
food is provided and I don’t get to be picky about what I eat), but my BP
actually turns out to not be so high.
I think feeling the pressure of adhering to a low-sodium diet stresses
me out and, ironically, could be raising my BP. I also think the pressure of having to take my BP three times a day could raise my BP. Ironic.
I think my BP is better when I’m just happy. So, I’ve been kind of
trying to balance all of that and just see what happens.
Construction phenomenon
A popular street where I spend a lot of my time driving was repaved
recently. I don’t like driving on streets that are in the process of being
repaved. After they’ve ripped off the road and left all the awkward grooves
underneath, it can be so uncomfortable to drive on. Before I got new tires this
year, driving on that type of road-under-construction was downright scary.
It’s interesting to observe what’s underneath, though. After they rip
off the drivable part, you can see the lines where the old lanes used to be.
Then after they complete the repaving and draw the new lines on the road,
you’re relieved to drive on it again because it’s such a smooth ride. It’s
built exactly the way a good road is supposed to be.
As I’ve undergone some emotional healing this year, it’s been scary to
see the stuff that’s underneath the road of my soul. Are those old lines really
where the lanes used to be? For example, I’ve dealt with rejection for most (if
not all) of my life, and God has recently begun a new repaving process. Now
that that’s been exposed, it’s awkward to proceed with my life as I’ve learned
how to let other people accept me, and it’s been shocking to see what’s been
underneath that old road.
The other day, a friend of mine from school asked me what I was
doing for Christmas and invited me to her house for the holiday. Out of the blue. I thanked
her kindly and explained that I have plans for Christmas. Later, I wondered why
in the world she would want to hang out with me... and I got to thinking about how
being accepted felt so foreign, but being rejected seemed so normal. (It should
be the other way around.) I felt strangely vulnerable for the rest of the day. Is that the old road that I’ve been driving on all
these years??
Anyway, that’s what I mean. When people say that they’re under
construction, they’re not kidding.
Horticultural phenomenon
This summer, I became a crazy plant lady who talks to my plants and
names them. I planted beans just for the heck of it. The members of my little
bean farm were Sprout, Baby Sprout, White Bean, and Mr. Bean. Sprout is a pinto
bean and was the first one to germinate. When it came time for me to tie him to
a small plastic rod for some support, I wasn’t gentle enough and accidentally bent
his stalk somewhere in the middle. I felt horrible and treated him quite
gingerly thereafter. It looked like I accidentally stunted his growth,
especially since his peers all outgrew him.
But an interesting thing happened. After all the other little
beanstalks died off, Sprout survived them all. I think he’s in the last phase
of his little plant life, but look at him! He’s still mostly green and is even
starting to produce a tiny bit of fruit.
Did my accidental handling of him actually help him?
Similarly, is sorrow really better than laughter? Did the events that
should have killed us actually make us stronger? Ecclesiastes 7:3 is
definitely onto something.
Vindication phenomenon
A phrase that God gave me for 2019 was “major vindication.” For
example, a boss from my old writing job wrote on a performance review, “Tirzah
doesn’t think before she writes.” I got pretty angry when I read that, of
course, and that particular job ended pretty badly for me. (If you followed my
emo blog posts from several years ago, perhaps you remember reading about
this.)
However, several months ago, I was hired to do some freelance writing.
Somebody actually paid me to write for them. I guess I don’t suck as a writer
after all. Hmm. I can get used to God sticking up for me like that.
What’s next?
2019 truly turned out to be a phenomenal year, but I think 2020 will be
even better. I had a feeling that I would experience all-new things in 2019,
and I have. I wonder now if maybe all of that’s just been setting the stage for something
else.
The word that God has given me for my 2020 is “epic.” A phrase that
He’s given me for 2020 is “on the edge of your seat.” He’s shown me that major
change is coming—for the better. I know I’m going to be living life on the
edge of my seat in the coming year, but I don’t think it’s going to be in a bad
way. I think it’s going to be in a good way. I think watching my life unfold in
2020 is going to be like watching a good epic film in the movie theater where
the bad guys have given the superhero some hard knocks, and maybe they’ve been
holding her underwater. Will she make it? The suspense is killing you! And then
at the last possible second, she emerges from her underwater prison and kicks all
of the bad guys’ butts in one fell swoop. Then the credits begin to roll, and
you leap out of your seat in a moment of satisfying triumph. Yesssss! She made
it!
Bring it.
