I haven’t written here in a while, so this is going to be a long post!
For starters, I seem to have broken my record for the least number of
blog posts in a year. This is only my third post in 2020. My record for the
most posts was 90 in 2013, until I broke that record in 2014 with 96 posts.
Since blogging is therapeutic for me, I’ve noticed that if I blog a lot, that
means that I’m having a rough time emotionally. I think the good news is that my
emotions have been manageable this year. Plus I just finished the busiest (and
awesome-est) semester of my life.
And I know that 2020 was rough on everybody, in one way or another.
I used to work with an editor who thought that people misused the word
“epic.” She insisted that an “epic” is actually a genre of poetry. Yes, it
certainly is, especially if you’re talking about The Iliad, The Odyssey, The Aeneid, or Beowulf. But I don’t think she realized that another dictionary
definition of the word “epic” is an adjective that describes something that is
“extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope” (per
Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary). In that sense of the word, 2020
was epic indeed.
I’m sure the pandemic comes to mind. It wasn’t just an epidemic that
affected a large population; it was a strange, deadly plague that affected
literally everyone on the planet in some way. I’m sure George Floyd’s death
comes to mind. It wasn’t just police brutality; it was a heinous crime that
almost literally everyone on earth was able to witness and become outraged
about to the point of protesting and even rioting. I’m sure the election comes
to mind. It wasn’t just another Democrat versus Republican battle at the
polling booths; it was communism and reactionary revolution clashing amidst possible
voter fraud.
I might not get another chance to say this: I’m really going to miss
having President Trump in the White House. Yes, I voted for him. I think he
rubs people the wrong way because he isn’t really a politician. He’s a CEO,
which means that he doesn’t quit until his organization wins. He doesn’t seem to care
about details, and he doesn’t really have a filter. I thought this was refreshing,
because I just don’t like politicians. I hate it when I vote for somebody
because I think they’re going to make a difference, but they end up
compromising or going back on their promises. I can’t stand to watch them make
speeches where they hide behind overly diplomatic language that doesn’t make
any sense, or when they cave in to people’s demands just so that they won’t be
hated. So, I’m going to miss Trump because I don’t think he was like that.
But I’m not really here to talk about politics. I’m here to talk about
me and my 2020.
Epic schooling and opportunities
I had a feeling that I was going to learn some awesome things at school
this year, and I most certainly did! This past semester especially, I noticed
that the concepts I was learning in class would come to life while I was at
church.
Also this past semester, I was introduced to what the concept of
theology really is. If you’ve read my blog in the past, you’ve probably seen my
“I’m not a theologian” disclaimer, but I’ve since learned that I actually am.
Pretty much all of us are theologians. If the definition of theology is the
study of God and wrestling with His truths, then I’ve been theologizing for
years. It’s nice to put a name to what I’ve been doing! In fact, if I ever get
a master’s degree, I would like for it to be in theology.
But for now, I most gladly continue to study worship leadership. I used
to lead small-group worship all the time with my guitar, but learning the
guitar as an academic discipline wasn’t what I thought it would be.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t picking up the advanced fingerings or chord patterns,
and I couldn’t quite learn where all of the notes are on the fretboard. It
affected my grade a few times. One professor even scoffed at me during a jury.
OK, fine. I can take a hint. So, I switched to piano, an instrument that I’ve
played off and on since I was five years old. (I had been missing the piano,
anyway.)
As I’ve really gotten into the piano again in 2020, I’ve realized that I just can’t get enough of this instrument. I’m not a virtuoso by any means, and I think I’ll always be a singer first, but I feel very much at home on the piano. Oh, beloved instrument, I daresay we shall never part ways again!
As I mentioned in a previous post, in the parable of the talents, the master told the one-talent servant that he needed to have at least put his talent in the bank so that it could collect interest. I like to think of the piano as being a talent that has been collecting interest over the years, and in 2020 I made a really cool withdrawal. I’ve noticed that I’ve been able to play a lot of songs by ear now, and I can sometimes play with my eyes closed because my fingers have familiarized themselves with the keyboard again. I wasn’t able to do that before. To me, THAT IS EPIC!!!
And, of course, MeepMeep can’t get enough of my piano keyboard, either.
Especially when I sing and play simultaneously. (See her photo-bombing a video
that I uploaded for school?)
Back in 1997, during my last semester at Baylor, I signed up to take a
Keyboard Skills class because I wanted to learn how to do cool stuff on the
piano. As soon as the first class started, the professor basically said, “I
only have 10 keyboards, but there are 12 students in this class. This class is
required for music majors, so for the two of you who aren’t music majors, I’m
sorry, but see you next semester!” So, I left the classroom along with another
girl, I got a “WP” on my transcript, and I graduated without getting to take
that class. Fast-forward to about 23 years later: I’ve been learning how to
do the cool stuff that I wanted to learn back then. Epic!
I experienced some worship-leading epic-ness, too! This year, I was
given some awesome opportunities that I’ve been waiting for for years. I was
also able to learn firsthand from worship pastors at my church in a way that I
hadn’t learned from pastors before. Even during a pandemic, I’ve been having
the time of my life!
I don’t like it when people diss 2020 and just write off the year as
being completely bad, especially since I experienced such awesome things that I
wasn’t able to experience before.
Epic horribleness
And yet, I had one or two “I hate 2020” moments of my own. The day
after I wrote my last blog post, I rear-ended someone during a food delivery. I
got estimates from a couple of places that said that either 1) my car repairs
would cost $5,000 or 2) my car was totaled. I was preparing to sell my beloved
vehicle for parts until a friend recommended a place that would fix my car for
much cheaper. So, my car was fixed and is now driveable! (I need to get some
transmission work done now, but that is another story that will be resolved
next year.)
While I was driving to work a few months later, I rear-ended someone
AGAIN! (Thankfully there wasn’t any major damage, and my insurance didn’t make
a big deal about it.) I hadn’t gotten into any real car wrecks since 2002, and
then I end up rear-ending people TWICE in 2020?! UGH!!!
Speaking of my car, the food-delivery gig started to go sour for me
this year. It was very lucrative at the beginning of the pandemic when the
restaurants closed, but then sometime during the summer, people stopped
ordering as often, and they stopped tipping as much. On Sundays (especially
because of brunch), I used to be able to make $100-150 a day, but that has now
dwindled to maybe $50-60 or so a day. $14 tips have become $2 tips or no tips.
So, I won’t be continuing this side gig after 2020. (I’ll write more about that
further down.)
So, that was my horribleness this year. I don’t have to tell you about
the pandemic, the shelter-in-place, the masks, the quarantines, the people
getting sick and/or dying, the hoarding, or the job furloughs, because I think
you already know about all of that.
Epic provision
God continued to provide financially for me this year, just like He
always will, but this year the provision was especially impressive. During the
first part of the pandemic, after the government issued stimulus checks and when people were ordering takeout like crazy, I was finally doing OK
financially. Then after I nearly totaled my car, my Facebook friends all
pitched in and donated enough money for me to get it fixed.
Then I started cat-sitting for a friend who paid me handsomely because
she was away for a very long time. With that income, I was able to pay rent and
also finish paying my school bill for the Fall semester. In the process, I
decided to continue to offer my cat-sitting services long term—so as to replace
the income generated from delivering food. I’m still working that out, but that
will be a new 2021 thing!
I think I’ll look back on this year as one in which God didn’t just
provide—He provided big-time!
Epic suspense
God had said that, for me personally, 2020 would be an
“epic” year in which I would be “on the edge of [my] seat.” Yep! I think we’ve
all been sitting on the edge of our seat this year. Will I lose my job? Will I
be able to pay my rent? Will I ever get paid for those services rendered? Will
the IRS finally issue my refund? Will the government give us another stimulus
check? Will we ever find out who won the election?
Will the pandemic end anytime soon? Will my COVID test results be
negative? Will my family member ever make it out of the hospital?
Yep, 2020 was a nail-biter.
Epic reset button
Like everyone else, I gained about 20 pounds or so from all of the
quarantines. And like everyone else, I (re)discovered the walking trails by my
home. As I was nearing the end of a sidewalk that borders a local park, I
decided to take the trail by the picnic pavilion back to my place. At first, I
was surprised to see that the trail wasn’t actually there… until I looked more
closely and noticed that other things had actually grown over the trail. I
think more people just need to start walking on it again so that the trail will
be more recognizable.
I think 2020, despite its horribly vivid thriller-movie-esque
qualities, has served an interesting purpose. One word that we were given at
church to describe 2020 (back on New Year’s Eve when everyone was excited about
the upcoming year) was “reset.” 2020 was going to be a year when we would get
to regroup, get refreshed, and basically just rest. We didn’t know that it
would be because we’d be forced to stay at home, or because some of us would
end up getting sick.
In a lot of ways, that giant reset button has been pushed. Most of us
who were stuck at home ended up reconnecting with our families and spending
time with them in ways that perhaps we would not have otherwise. Many of us
have had to learn basic sanitary skills such as hand-washing (which I already
knew from my hypochondriac upbringing, but it was fun to learn how to sing
“Happy birthday” to myself in Spanish). Some of us lost our jobs, but hopefully we found better ones.
Many of us Christians have been forced out of our political comfort
zones and onto our knees where we should have been all along. People who hadn’t
been regularly attending church began doing so online when the buildings were
closed. In the process, we church people realized how valuable the
internet is for making resources available for people who need them.
People found new ways to connect, new ways to rest, new ways to earn a
living, new ways to stay healthy, and new ways to be creative during these wretchedly
difficult circumstances. Some of us discovered that a few of our friends on
social media value politics more than they value their relationship with us,
which is always tragic... even though the parting of ways might actually be good
riddance. And some of us were able to knock out a ton of college credits in the
midst of extremely crazy schedules because the restrictions and the internet
made it all possible.
This year, in one way or another, we uncovered trails that had long
been forgotten or neglected. We remembered how valuable those trails are for
getting us to where we need to be. We can continue to blaze those trails anew
and see where God ultimately takes us.
And I’m sure He’ll bring us some new friends along the way.
What’s next?
For me personally, the word that I keep getting for 2021 is “party.” I
know this means that I’m going to have a lot of fun next year. Now that I’ve
found my trail, I just need to stay on it and hit my stride. And I’m excited!
But I also know that not everyone and not everything is invited to my
party. Food delivery isn’t invited to the party, hence that adjustment in my
life. I’m not invited to the party,
which I think means that I’m going to die to myself in a variety of ways in
2021. That process is never fun, but hopefully I’ll be less of a jerk and more
like Jesus when it’s over.
Although the pandemic is still happening at the moment, I know that
2021 is going to be a different year that has different things in store for all
of us. Bring it!
Thank you for reading this epic-ly long post.
