“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” (Proverbs 18:13 NLT)
During a couple of seasons in my life, people would compliment me on how great I looked, and they would ask me what I was doing to lose weight. That would make me feel good, right? Wrong. That would make me feel awkward, because I would reply, “Um, I lost my job, so I can’t afford to eat like I used to.” I don’t recommend poverty as a weight-loss method.
Those people were very kind and well intentioned, and I am grateful that they were making an effort to pay me a compliment. But I am reminded of an interaction with someone who was perhaps not so kind or well intentioned.
Several years ago, between periods of unemployment, I sang on a worship team that was hosting a guest worship artist. A few of us team members were hanging out in the women’s dressing room, and I think one of them was asking me what I like to eat or drink, or maybe I was being asked about my job. I was working at a company that provided lots of snacks and beverages for its employees (I wish they had spent their money on salaries instead, but whatevs), and I remarked how awesome it was to have access to all the free Cokes I wanted. Yes, in hindsight, all that free sugar was probably making me chunky.
The guest worship artist (who possibly noticed my chunkiness) was listening to our conversation and rudely interrupted. She piped up that she was praying that God would remove my desire for such unhealthy beverages. For real? She was using a judgmental prayer to manipulate me into not wanting to enjoy drinking Coke? And she had the nerve to actually tell me—in front of everybody in the dressing room?
For the record, you can pray whatever you want to God. But if you pray for me something that is so judgmental and manipulative, and you are rude enough to share that with me, I won’t want to have any kind of relationship with you. I don’t care how Christian your music is.
That guest worship artist didn’t last long on our team, and thankfully I have never felt that slimed in the dressing room again. But I think her prayer kind of worked. About a year later, I lost that job that had the free snacks and Cokes, and it ruined me financially. And yes, I lost a ton of weight again due to poverty.
Maybe I can’t pin my financial ruin on that one guest worship artist’s judgmental prayer, but unfortunately I have once again been on the receiving end of a similar judgmental attitude.
Nearly two months ago, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. That news was disheartening. I thought my friends and community would support me, and to a degree they have. But I was shocked that a handful of Christian friends on social media were actually judging me for being diabetic.
Seriously? Let me show you what kind of foods and beverages I was typically consuming when I received the diagnosis.
BREAKFAST
- Bowl of shredded wheat (not the frosted kind) to which I would add cinnamon and raisins
- Decaf coffee to which I would add zero-sugar sweetener
MID-MORNING SNACK
- Crackers or nuts
LUNCH
- Turkey sandwich on wheat bread with mustard, lowfat mayo, and spinach (no cheese)
- Baby carrots
- Grapes
- Tapwater to drink
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
- Oikos Triple Zero Greek yogurt, which has zero added sugar, zero artificial sweeteners, zero fat, and 15g of protein
- Maybe crackers or nuts if I was still hungry
DINNER
- Chicken or fish stir-fry (or soup during colder weather)
- Maybe a side salad
- Very small piece of 90% cacao dark chocolate
- Tapwater to drink
MID-EVENING SNACK
- Apple
- Maybe some fiesta snack mix or grapes if I was still hungry
- Small glass of lowfat milk before bed
Does all of that sound like a diabetic’s diet to you? Does it look like I was making unhealthy food choices?
And yes, if someone would bring cookies or doughnuts to work, I would enjoy one or two. In fact, the day before I took the blood test that prompted the diabetes diagnosis, I ate a doughnut. Maybe that was a mistake.
And my schedule had been so crazy that I didn’t really have time to work out. If you worked full time, volunteered at church, and were finishing up a master’s degree, you probably wouldn’t have time to work out, either. Not to mention, I read somewhere that sleep deprivation can cause type 2 diabetes. During the last semester of my master’s, I was running on about 5 hours of sleep per night, sometimes less. (Except for Saturdays, when I sleep in.)
Plus, diabetes is in my gene pool. My great-grandmother was diabetic, and my mom at one point had high blood sugar. Man, of all the things I could have inherited from my mother—her good looks, her knack for hospitality, her sense of fashion—it had to be the diabetes.
So, diabetes isn’t my fault. Do I make perfect health choices all the time? No, I crave a Whataburger as much as the next red-blooded native Texan. But as noted above, I do my best to maintain a mostly healthy lifestyle—or at least one that hopefully won’t kill me.
I’ve kind of been forced to make healthy diet changes during the past several years so that I can hopefully live longer. And I recently decided to make another change for my emotional and mental health.
I will no longer share my health journey on social media. If you would like me to share my journey with you in person (or via text, etc.), I’ll be happy to. But I won’t post about it on Facebook anymore, and I won’t write about it here on my blog. Yes, I’ll make an exception if I’m hospitalized or something and want prayer. But I won’t cast my pearls before swine anymore.
I gotta say, I was appalled at the judgmental response I received from one or more people on Facebook when I shared my diabetes diagnosis. It took me a couple of months to calm down enough to write about it, but I think I’m still a bit angry. After I spent a year and a half changing my diet so I wouldn’t get diabetes, I ended up getting diabetes anyway, and one or more of you rubbed my nose in it. How dare you add insult to injury.
The Church at large has no idea what to do with me. 1) I’ve never been married, and I’ve stopped wanting a husband. 2) I don’t have kids, and I’ve stopped wanting children. 3) I’m pursuing a doctorate, and I’m going further into student debt for it. 4) And now I have a chronic disease. Come on, admit it. You have no idea what my life feels like. And in some of your eyes, I am an ungodly slob.
Well, too bad, so sad. I’m sorry that my life isn’t as perfect as yours. 1) I won’t sign up for online dating, because I’m not desperate for sex or companionship. 2) I won’t adopt kids, because I don’t want to raise children by myself, and I can barely take care of myself and my cat. 3) I’m furthering my education because God said to, and He opened the door wide open for it. 4) I’m staying alive as best I can.
If you aren’t able to handle any of the above, I don’t know what else to tell you. It is what it is.
But for those of you who are still very kind and well intentioned, I thank you in advance for your friendship.
