Heads-up, reader: I will write most of this post while heavily under
the influence of generic DayQuil. I'm not an ordained minister or a theologian;
I'm an artist and a meditator. I plan to take today's meditation on a wildly
infectious psychedelic ride to cool places that will groovily help my soul and
hopefully help yours, too. Dig it.
This post will be graphic enough as it is, so I didn't want to add to the graphicness by posting a photo of my actual snot. So, I decided to post a nice beauty shot of my cat posing above with my Kleenex box. (Rather, he consented to the photo shoot. The conversation went something like this: "Can I take your picture with a box of Kleenex?" "Meow." [Faithfully follows me trottingly into the next room where the lighting is better.])
So, I've mentioned previously that Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." If we hope for something and it doesn't happen, or if we hope in somebody and they disappoint us, doing so could make us heart-sick or soul-sick. Currently, I'm sick physically. I think I have some sort of cold or upper respiratory infection. It's been a long time since I've been as sick as I am now, so I've almost forgotten what it's like to be sick. But I've been reminded, and I've noticed that being sick physically seems a whole lot similar to being sick in my soul. I'd like to offer the following examples.
Physically sick: When you're genuinely call-in-sick-and-stay-at-home-and-get-some-rest sick, pretty much all you can think about is your sickness. It consumes you. "Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Is this all there is to life -- lying here in bed and trying not to move too much? What's it like to be well? I kinda forgot. Time to nap now. Aw, man, I'm sick."
Soul-sick: When you're genuinely I-have-a-major-heartache-that-God-needs-to-heal sick, pretty much all you can think about is your pain. It consumes pretty much every aspect of your life. "Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Is this all there is to life -- taking classes at church and trying to get better? What's it like to not hurt? I've kinda forgotten, and I hope I'm not obsessing too much over my issues. Time to let God do whatever He wants with my heart. Aw, man, I'm hurting."
Physically sick: It's important to pay attention to symptoms, especially because they could help you diagnose your condition... but getting carried away with the possibilities could also become unhealthy. For instance, if I get a sore throat and feel somewhat achy, I know that I'm more than likely catching a cold. That means that as the infection progresses, the sore throat will give way to sinus drainage which will give way to a stuffy, sneezy nose which will give way to a lingering cough. So, getting a sore throat will help me understand what I'm dealing with and how to tackle it. However, if I get a sore throat, and my mind starts going to nutty places such as "OH, MY GOSH, I'M GOING TO GET STREP THROAT AND DIE!" that ain't healthy. Just take it a step at a time. If it seems like a manageable cold, deal with it and move on. If it seems like a freaky infection that needs medical attention, go to a doctor and take it from there.
Soul-sick: It's important to pay attention to the pain you feel, especially because it could help you know what kind of healing you need... but letting your mind take you to unrealistic places could also become unhealthy. For instance, if I hurt anytime I see mutual friends hanging out with each other and not me, I know that I'm more than likely dealing with a rejection wound. That means that I need to take my pain to God and let Him heal it and talk to me about it before it becomes worse and I start believing lies about myself (i.e., "I suck") and/or start engaging in destructive behavior that I've blogged about previously. Perhaps praying about it would be sufficient, or perhaps forgiving my mutual friends for the perceived rejection would help me stop hurting, or perhaps if my mutual friends continued to exclude me, my talking to them about it assertively (not aggressively) would help clear things up. If it seems like my pain is out of my league to handle, perhaps a trained minister could help me work through some deeper issues.
Physically sick: Ignoring symptoms is downright unhealthy. If I'm feeling feverish, nauseous, or dizzy, etc., pretending that my symptoms aren't there and just living my life as usual could be harmful to my body and to others around me. What if you were to, say, go on a field trip to a museum with your second-grade class and, instead of telling a teacher you feel bad, just continue viewing the exhibits until you puke your guts out in front of your entire class in the middle of the museum? Well, I'll tell you what happens. You grow up to use it as an example in your blog about how it's not good to ignore symptoms.
Soul-sick: Ignoring symptoms is downright unhealthy. If you're particularly skilled at looking good -- wearing nice clothes, wearing makeup, having shiny hair -- you could probably mask a soul-sickness pretty well. Perhaps pretending that little things don't bother you could build up to a sudden outburst of soul-puke that could embarrass you, shame other people, and/or scar you or other people for life. If you're going to hawk a spiritual loogie, please don't aim it at my face.
Physically sick: Getting sick isn't always my fault. If somebody sneezes into their hand before they shake mine, I'll more than likely inherit their germs.
Soul-sick: Having an infection isn't always my fault. If somebody else hurts me and/or abuses me, I'll more than likely have some stuff to work through later.
Physically sick: Obsessing over symptoms and worshiping the illness is also downright unhealthy. I'll elaborate on that a couple of paragraphs down.
Soul-sick: Obsessing over your pain and worshiping it is also downright unhealthy. When I was much younger, a lady at church used to talk about how she used to have a son until he was taken away from her, and she thought it was extremely unfair that she couldn't ever see him. I'm sure it was excruciatingly unfair and that she was aching over it, but she talked about it constantly. I'm guessing that she needed some sort of grief counseling or family counseling or other kind of professional help. I'm guessing she didn't get the help she needed, because her remaining family had some dysfunctions later. Hopefully I'm wrong, and she got help after all.
Physically sick: If you have a support system available, use it! Find family members to feed you soup and crackers in bed and/or serve you gallons of orange juice and/or read you bedtime stories until it's time for your next nap. On the other hand... I'm not sure how to say this nicely. Don't find overtly codependent people. I can say from experience that they are creepy and could possibly make you sicker. I'm about to type something in all caps because if I were telling it to you in person, my eyes would be very wide and I would be creepily swirling my head into your face. "OHHH, YOU'RE SICK! THAT MEANS THAT YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT ME! YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WITHOUT ME. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT ME? HERE. HAVE SOME SOUP, BABY. Gasp! Did you sneeze? Why did you sneeze? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH PNEUMONIA! I WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK DEATH OVER YOU SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO DEPEND ON ME FOR LIIIIIFE..."
Soul-sick: If you have a support system available, use it! Find church people and/or close friends to encourage you and hold up your arms until God finishes flushing out your heart-infection. On the other hand... there isn't a way to say this nicely. Stay away from overtly codependent people. I can say from experience that, especially if they're in the ministry, they could possibly use you to affirm their identity, and then you'll have a big-time problem on your hands. "OHHH, YOU'RE DEPRESSED! THAT MEANS THAT YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT ME! HERE, SIGN THIS CONTRACT! THAT MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME IF YOU FEEL LIKE HURTING YOURSELF. I have no idea who thought up contracts, but whoever it was has probably never been suicidal, because a bleeping contract doesn't mean bleep when you're hurting like bleep. YOU NEED ME, AND YOU WILL NEVER STOP NEEDING ME! THE EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY WAY THAT I AM ATTACHED TO YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU WORSE! YOU AND I WILL BE STUCK TOGETHER FOR LIIIIIFE..."
Physically sick: Sometimes, you gotta unplug from everyday life and just stay home. Seriously, if there's something that your coworkers could catch, they might not appreciate you being at work.
Soul-sick: Sometimes, especially if you're in the ministry, you gotta step down, take a step back, and just focus on working through your issues. Seriously, if your job is to help people, and your puked-up issues are spreading infection and pain to people all around you, please do yourself and them a favor and just go away for a while and let God heal you.
Physically sick: On the other hand, peeling yourself out of your sickbed and just living out everyday life can be very therapeutic while you're still sick and healing. At least, for me, it's usually helpful to get ready and drive to work while I'm still recuperating. Doing so helps me feel human.
Soul-sick: On the other hand, taking a break from your pain and just living out everyday life in God's Kingdom can be very therapeutic while you still need some healing. This doesn't help me all the time, but often it's a good idea for me to take my mind off the issue that's been frying my brain and just help somebody else for a while. Doing so helps me remember that my God cares about people, life goes on, and that everything -- at least eventually -- is going to be OK.
Physically sick: Not every treatment works for everybody, and not every person takes the same amount of time to heal. Generic DayQuil and NyQuil are usually the most effective medicines for my colds, but sometimes generic Sudafed and Tylenol will also work, and cough drops are awesome. (In college, I used to take one supersonic cold pill that was supposed to last for 24 hours. That was terrible. It would wear out early, and then I couldn't take anything else right away. I would lie awake at night and everything. I'm not sure they make that brand anymore. Why am I still writing about it? It made me miserable.) I've heard that some people will only have colds for a few days or one day. In my past, my colds would usually last for a week, and then I'd have a cough for a week or two. Perhaps mucus takes a while to work its way out of my system because of my Karen-Carpenter-ish pipes. Long ago... and oh, so far away...
Soul-sick: Not every treatment works for everybody, and not every person heals in the same amount of time as everybody else, and often God tends to work through layers or cycles or piles or departments or building-wings inside a person's heart. Some issues are worked through and done, and they won't bother me ever again. And other issues I thought I was done with, and then suddenly they turn up again, and what the bleep? And other issues are continually polished until God likes their shininess... and then He huffs His awesomely holy breath on them and polishes them again. Maybe some people will only need one counseling session or one church class or one prayer, and presto, they're healed and good to go. I, however, seem to take forever, and God seems to just grin at me and tell me that He's not in a hurry. Psalm 42 says that deep calls to deep. I tend to be deep. Yes, I need to focus on God instead of on my pain, but -- for example -- if I'm sitting down deep in thought and trying to figure out why I'm hurting so much, somebody grabbing my arm and yanking me up to my feet during the music at a church service isn't going to help me, and it isn't going to show me that that person cares about my pain. God cares about my pain. If something in my heart has been sick for 36 years, maybe God will presto-chango-rearrango and my heart is instantly healed, or maybe He'll be like, "Nah, people need to see how you respond to this situation. You need to write songs about this. I like to be around when you're hurting, and I like to be the One who makes it all better." Then He and I bond, and we start singing Carpenters songs to each other. Let Me be the One you run to... Then suddenly I become like my cat, and God shows me a Kleenex box and is like, "Can I hold your hand while you walk through this excruciating process?" "Sure." [Faithfully follows Him trottingly into the wilderness where nobody but Him will hear her wailing while He flushes out the infections.])
So, in my church group, we recently joked that when we were younger, the answer to every church question was "Jesus." It's kinda funny, but it's extremely true. How do we get saved? Jesus. Who do we turn to when we're hurting? Jesus. Who can heal us? Jesus. So, would it be bad if I went to the doctor and/or just kept taking medicine and letting my infection flush out? Nah, but ultimately Jesus is my Healer. So, would it be bad if I kept doing what I'm doing or if I seek out third-party help to work through my issues? Nah, but ultimately Jesus is my Healer. He's also the One who hangs out with me while I'm crying my eyes out into the Kleenex box and tells me that everything's going to be OK and that He'll stay with me for as long as it takes for my heart to get better. Then after it's all better, He'll still hang around, anyway. I like Him. He's mine. And I'm His.
You know what's better than generic DayQuil? Generic NyQuil. Dig it.
This post will be graphic enough as it is, so I didn't want to add to the graphicness by posting a photo of my actual snot. So, I decided to post a nice beauty shot of my cat posing above with my Kleenex box. (Rather, he consented to the photo shoot. The conversation went something like this: "Can I take your picture with a box of Kleenex?" "Meow." [Faithfully follows me trottingly into the next room where the lighting is better.])
So, I've mentioned previously that Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." If we hope for something and it doesn't happen, or if we hope in somebody and they disappoint us, doing so could make us heart-sick or soul-sick. Currently, I'm sick physically. I think I have some sort of cold or upper respiratory infection. It's been a long time since I've been as sick as I am now, so I've almost forgotten what it's like to be sick. But I've been reminded, and I've noticed that being sick physically seems a whole lot similar to being sick in my soul. I'd like to offer the following examples.
Physically sick: When you're genuinely call-in-sick-and-stay-at-home-and-get-some-rest sick, pretty much all you can think about is your sickness. It consumes you. "Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Aw, man, I'm sick. Is this all there is to life -- lying here in bed and trying not to move too much? What's it like to be well? I kinda forgot. Time to nap now. Aw, man, I'm sick."
Soul-sick: When you're genuinely I-have-a-major-heartache-that-God-needs-to-heal sick, pretty much all you can think about is your pain. It consumes pretty much every aspect of your life. "Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Aw, man, I'm hurting. Is this all there is to life -- taking classes at church and trying to get better? What's it like to not hurt? I've kinda forgotten, and I hope I'm not obsessing too much over my issues. Time to let God do whatever He wants with my heart. Aw, man, I'm hurting."
Physically sick: It's important to pay attention to symptoms, especially because they could help you diagnose your condition... but getting carried away with the possibilities could also become unhealthy. For instance, if I get a sore throat and feel somewhat achy, I know that I'm more than likely catching a cold. That means that as the infection progresses, the sore throat will give way to sinus drainage which will give way to a stuffy, sneezy nose which will give way to a lingering cough. So, getting a sore throat will help me understand what I'm dealing with and how to tackle it. However, if I get a sore throat, and my mind starts going to nutty places such as "OH, MY GOSH, I'M GOING TO GET STREP THROAT AND DIE!" that ain't healthy. Just take it a step at a time. If it seems like a manageable cold, deal with it and move on. If it seems like a freaky infection that needs medical attention, go to a doctor and take it from there.
Soul-sick: It's important to pay attention to the pain you feel, especially because it could help you know what kind of healing you need... but letting your mind take you to unrealistic places could also become unhealthy. For instance, if I hurt anytime I see mutual friends hanging out with each other and not me, I know that I'm more than likely dealing with a rejection wound. That means that I need to take my pain to God and let Him heal it and talk to me about it before it becomes worse and I start believing lies about myself (i.e., "I suck") and/or start engaging in destructive behavior that I've blogged about previously. Perhaps praying about it would be sufficient, or perhaps forgiving my mutual friends for the perceived rejection would help me stop hurting, or perhaps if my mutual friends continued to exclude me, my talking to them about it assertively (not aggressively) would help clear things up. If it seems like my pain is out of my league to handle, perhaps a trained minister could help me work through some deeper issues.
Physically sick: Ignoring symptoms is downright unhealthy. If I'm feeling feverish, nauseous, or dizzy, etc., pretending that my symptoms aren't there and just living my life as usual could be harmful to my body and to others around me. What if you were to, say, go on a field trip to a museum with your second-grade class and, instead of telling a teacher you feel bad, just continue viewing the exhibits until you puke your guts out in front of your entire class in the middle of the museum? Well, I'll tell you what happens. You grow up to use it as an example in your blog about how it's not good to ignore symptoms.
Soul-sick: Ignoring symptoms is downright unhealthy. If you're particularly skilled at looking good -- wearing nice clothes, wearing makeup, having shiny hair -- you could probably mask a soul-sickness pretty well. Perhaps pretending that little things don't bother you could build up to a sudden outburst of soul-puke that could embarrass you, shame other people, and/or scar you or other people for life. If you're going to hawk a spiritual loogie, please don't aim it at my face.
Physically sick: Getting sick isn't always my fault. If somebody sneezes into their hand before they shake mine, I'll more than likely inherit their germs.
Soul-sick: Having an infection isn't always my fault. If somebody else hurts me and/or abuses me, I'll more than likely have some stuff to work through later.
Physically sick: Obsessing over symptoms and worshiping the illness is also downright unhealthy. I'll elaborate on that a couple of paragraphs down.
Soul-sick: Obsessing over your pain and worshiping it is also downright unhealthy. When I was much younger, a lady at church used to talk about how she used to have a son until he was taken away from her, and she thought it was extremely unfair that she couldn't ever see him. I'm sure it was excruciatingly unfair and that she was aching over it, but she talked about it constantly. I'm guessing that she needed some sort of grief counseling or family counseling or other kind of professional help. I'm guessing she didn't get the help she needed, because her remaining family had some dysfunctions later. Hopefully I'm wrong, and she got help after all.
Physically sick: If you have a support system available, use it! Find family members to feed you soup and crackers in bed and/or serve you gallons of orange juice and/or read you bedtime stories until it's time for your next nap. On the other hand... I'm not sure how to say this nicely. Don't find overtly codependent people. I can say from experience that they are creepy and could possibly make you sicker. I'm about to type something in all caps because if I were telling it to you in person, my eyes would be very wide and I would be creepily swirling my head into your face. "OHHH, YOU'RE SICK! THAT MEANS THAT YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT ME! YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WITHOUT ME. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT ME? HERE. HAVE SOME SOUP, BABY. Gasp! Did you sneeze? Why did you sneeze? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH PNEUMONIA! I WILL CONTINUE TO SPEAK DEATH OVER YOU SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO DEPEND ON ME FOR LIIIIIFE..."
Soul-sick: If you have a support system available, use it! Find church people and/or close friends to encourage you and hold up your arms until God finishes flushing out your heart-infection. On the other hand... there isn't a way to say this nicely. Stay away from overtly codependent people. I can say from experience that, especially if they're in the ministry, they could possibly use you to affirm their identity, and then you'll have a big-time problem on your hands. "OHHH, YOU'RE DEPRESSED! THAT MEANS THAT YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT ME! HERE, SIGN THIS CONTRACT! THAT MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME IF YOU FEEL LIKE HURTING YOURSELF. I have no idea who thought up contracts, but whoever it was has probably never been suicidal, because a bleeping contract doesn't mean bleep when you're hurting like bleep. YOU NEED ME, AND YOU WILL NEVER STOP NEEDING ME! THE EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY WAY THAT I AM ATTACHED TO YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU WORSE! YOU AND I WILL BE STUCK TOGETHER FOR LIIIIIFE..."
Physically sick: Sometimes, you gotta unplug from everyday life and just stay home. Seriously, if there's something that your coworkers could catch, they might not appreciate you being at work.
Soul-sick: Sometimes, especially if you're in the ministry, you gotta step down, take a step back, and just focus on working through your issues. Seriously, if your job is to help people, and your puked-up issues are spreading infection and pain to people all around you, please do yourself and them a favor and just go away for a while and let God heal you.
Physically sick: On the other hand, peeling yourself out of your sickbed and just living out everyday life can be very therapeutic while you're still sick and healing. At least, for me, it's usually helpful to get ready and drive to work while I'm still recuperating. Doing so helps me feel human.
Soul-sick: On the other hand, taking a break from your pain and just living out everyday life in God's Kingdom can be very therapeutic while you still need some healing. This doesn't help me all the time, but often it's a good idea for me to take my mind off the issue that's been frying my brain and just help somebody else for a while. Doing so helps me remember that my God cares about people, life goes on, and that everything -- at least eventually -- is going to be OK.
Physically sick: Not every treatment works for everybody, and not every person takes the same amount of time to heal. Generic DayQuil and NyQuil are usually the most effective medicines for my colds, but sometimes generic Sudafed and Tylenol will also work, and cough drops are awesome. (In college, I used to take one supersonic cold pill that was supposed to last for 24 hours. That was terrible. It would wear out early, and then I couldn't take anything else right away. I would lie awake at night and everything. I'm not sure they make that brand anymore. Why am I still writing about it? It made me miserable.) I've heard that some people will only have colds for a few days or one day. In my past, my colds would usually last for a week, and then I'd have a cough for a week or two. Perhaps mucus takes a while to work its way out of my system because of my Karen-Carpenter-ish pipes. Long ago... and oh, so far away...
Soul-sick: Not every treatment works for everybody, and not every person heals in the same amount of time as everybody else, and often God tends to work through layers or cycles or piles or departments or building-wings inside a person's heart. Some issues are worked through and done, and they won't bother me ever again. And other issues I thought I was done with, and then suddenly they turn up again, and what the bleep? And other issues are continually polished until God likes their shininess... and then He huffs His awesomely holy breath on them and polishes them again. Maybe some people will only need one counseling session or one church class or one prayer, and presto, they're healed and good to go. I, however, seem to take forever, and God seems to just grin at me and tell me that He's not in a hurry. Psalm 42 says that deep calls to deep. I tend to be deep. Yes, I need to focus on God instead of on my pain, but -- for example -- if I'm sitting down deep in thought and trying to figure out why I'm hurting so much, somebody grabbing my arm and yanking me up to my feet during the music at a church service isn't going to help me, and it isn't going to show me that that person cares about my pain. God cares about my pain. If something in my heart has been sick for 36 years, maybe God will presto-chango-rearrango and my heart is instantly healed, or maybe He'll be like, "Nah, people need to see how you respond to this situation. You need to write songs about this. I like to be around when you're hurting, and I like to be the One who makes it all better." Then He and I bond, and we start singing Carpenters songs to each other. Let Me be the One you run to... Then suddenly I become like my cat, and God shows me a Kleenex box and is like, "Can I hold your hand while you walk through this excruciating process?" "Sure." [Faithfully follows Him trottingly into the wilderness where nobody but Him will hear her wailing while He flushes out the infections.])
So, in my church group, we recently joked that when we were younger, the answer to every church question was "Jesus." It's kinda funny, but it's extremely true. How do we get saved? Jesus. Who do we turn to when we're hurting? Jesus. Who can heal us? Jesus. So, would it be bad if I went to the doctor and/or just kept taking medicine and letting my infection flush out? Nah, but ultimately Jesus is my Healer. So, would it be bad if I kept doing what I'm doing or if I seek out third-party help to work through my issues? Nah, but ultimately Jesus is my Healer. He's also the One who hangs out with me while I'm crying my eyes out into the Kleenex box and tells me that everything's going to be OK and that He'll stay with me for as long as it takes for my heart to get better. Then after it's all better, He'll still hang around, anyway. I like Him. He's mine. And I'm His.
You know what's better than generic DayQuil? Generic NyQuil. Dig it.
Yes. "Jesus is the answer for the world today, without Him there's no other, Jesus is the way..." I'm digging it. ;)
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