Small baby maximized

Yeah, I know that's a weird title for a blog post. I've been thinking about a few different things that seem very related to each other now, so I thought I'd smush them together here in one post. I hope you don't mind.

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..." (Zechariah 4:10a, NLT)

"Who dares despise the day of small things, since the seven eyes of the Lord that range throughout the earth will rejoice..." (Zechariah 4:10a, NIV)

"For who has despised the day of small things? For these seven rejoice to see the plumb line..." (Zechariah 4:10a, NKJV)

"Does anyone dare despise this day of small beginnings? They'll change their tune..." (Zechariah 4:10a, MSG)

One Bible verse that I've been thinking about off and on is Zechariah 4:10, which I remember in my brain as saying, "Do not despise the day of small beginnings," but as you can see, I had trouble finding that exact wording in any Bible translation/paraphrase. From what I understand, the context of this passage is talking about the rebuilding of the temple at Jerusalem. I mean, you can't just rebuild an entire temple overnight, right? You gotta start out small. There ain't no shame in that. In fact, God really seems to like that.

But I think that exact "Do not despise the day of small beginnings" wording was drilled into my skull when I was in college in the mid-1990s (I think before most of the abovementioned translations/paraphrases were written), more than likely by my college pastor. I've blogged about him before. Not trying to diss him, just trying to be honest about my experiences. His testimony was quite linear. After he graduated from college with a business degree, he struggled financially because he felt called to go into the ministry, and he earned a meager living for a while mowing people's lawns before he started his ministry, and voilà -- you, too, can find and achieve your life's purpose in a few short months. And if you call the number on your screen in the next 10 minutes, we'll put you on the next missionary boat to China! Raucous applause!

Anyway, in my opinion, the good part about being part of his ministry and hearing his testimony was learning that it's OK to start out small, especially when you're fresh out of college, ridiculously arrogant and naïve, and you expect your life to be handed to you on a silver platter, instantly and pain-free.

But the bad part about it was getting the impression that that short, intense struggle only needs to happen once and that if it doesn't happen that way exactly, there's something wrong with you.

I've had way more than just one season of "small beginnings" in my life. I've had to take way more than just one entry-level job throughout my career. I've had to move my way up from rock bottom on way more than one occasion. I've had to start completely over in life way more than once. Frankly, sometimes it gets old. But sometimes -- especially when you have to rip yourself away from a very unhealthy situation that you can't fix any other way -- it's the most refreshing, healing thing you can do.

I'm sure there are some people, like my college pastor, who only have "small beginnings" once, learn everything they need to learn from it, and then live happily ever after. There's definitely nothing wrong with that. If that's the path that God leads you on, please go for it, and give it everything you've got. But I've discovered that that doesn't happen with everybody, and I daresay that God may not necessarily intend for it to happen with everybody.

Take my job, for example. Yet again, I've found myself in a situation where I'm treated like some kid who doesn't know what she's doing, and I've walled myself off from my coworkers so that they hopefully won't be able to see how unhappy I am there (so that it will be that much sweeter and sneakier for me when I drop the two-week-notice bomb someday -- raucous applause!). One day, I was asking God what the deal was. Why do I keep finding myself in these bad job situations? (Thankfully, this current job isn't as bad as the previous horror movie that put me back into therapy.) Is it me? What is it about me that needs to change? What lesson am I not learning?

I don't remember His exact words, but God was basically like, "When you're painting a house, you need to give it more than one coat." Of course.

He was also talking to me awhile back about double-dipping, kinda like an ice-cream cone. You want a mouthful of different flavors? You can dip your cone in chocolate... then maybe butterscotch... then maybe strawberry... then maybe something citrusy... and so on and so forth.

So, maybe (hopefully) in my case, I'm not a total spiritual slob who keeps neglecting to learn her lessons and who will be stuck in the wilderness forever and be denied her happily ever after. Maybe in my case, God wants to build me, then change His mind and rearrange the furniture, then change His mind again and remodel, then change His mind again and tear it down completely, then repair the cracks in the foundation, then rebuild again, and then re-rebuild to repair damage that occurred during a bad fire or a bad storm, then paint and repaint, then change His mind and paint some more, then sandblast it, polish it, make sure it shines so that He can see His face in it... and so on and so forth.

I'm hoping that's the case. We shall see. Meanwhile, I shall continue to learn how to work with people who I don't like while functioning in an environment that I can't change.

About five years ago, I took the Clifton StrengthsFinder test through my church. One of the five strengths that I have is Maximizer which, according to the book Living Your Strengths, means that I "seek to transform something good into something superb." God has been nudging me (quite raucously) that I've needed to look into this whole Maximizer thing more, so the other night I dusted off the book and read it a little bit. I had an "OH, MY GOSH, I SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND MYSELF" moment.

Here's what it said about me being a Maximizer: "Excellence, not average, is your measure. Taking something from below average to slightly above average takes a great deal of effort and in your opinion is not very rewarding. Transforming something strong into something superb takes just as much effort but is much more thrilling.... And having found a strength, you feel compelled to nurture it, refine it, and stretch it toward excellence. You polish the pearl until it shines. This natural sorting of strengths means that others see you as discriminating. You choose to spend time with people who appreciate your particular strengths.... You tend to avoid those who want to fix you and make you well-rounded.... Some people will be intimidated by your perceptiveness and drive for excellence. These people may want to keep you at a distance, and you may feel rejected or like there is something wrong with you."

So, the other night when I was reading this, God was like, "I rest My case." Indeed.

There's nothing wrong with the way I make friends. In fact, if I decide that a whole crop of friends are unhealthy for me, and that I have to cut myself off from them and start all over again, that's OK. I'm not being a snob. I'm not being a jerk. I'm just being myself.

The Maximizer section of the Strengths book also quoted Matthew 25:19-21 from the Parable of the Talents. That's the parable where the boss leaves his employees with some money and trusts them to do business with it. The ones who do good business for their boss get commended: "Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things (verse 21, NKJV)."

The wording that was drilled into my skull years ago was, "If you're faithful in little, you'll be ruler over much." I remember my cats when I think about this topic.

If you're faithful in little...

 

...you'll be ruler over much.

(Photos not to scale.)

First, I got Choochie (my little cat), and then I also got Macho (my big cat). I was ultimately responsible for one cat before I became ultimately responsible for two cats. I guess you could say that as a crazy cat lady, I started out small.

God's kingdom works similarly. First, David was responsible for a flock of his dad's sheep, and then after he became king, he became responsible for a flock of God's metaphorical sheep. First, Moses was herding flocks for his father-in-law, and then after the Israelites were freed from bondage in Egypt, he herded God's metaphorical flock around the wilderness.

Speaking of Moses in the wilderness, I've been wondering about something lately. The Bible is true, yes. It tells events that actually happened, yes. But there are a lot of details that it leaves out. I think this might be on purpose. I believe God sometimes keeps things vague on purpose so that we can trust Him with what we don't know. And I think maybe God also likes to honor people's privacy.

"For we have been consumed by Your anger, and by Your wrath we are terrified. You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your countenance." (Psalm 90:7-8)

Moses wrote this psalm. That whole "secret sins" phrase gets me really curious. What the heck kind of baggage was Moses hauling around while He was leading God's people around in the wilderness? The Bible doesn't really go into detail about this.

Moses is my hero. He sometimes gets kinda dissed, though. I mean, he's the guy who made one little mistake in the wilderness, and as a consequence, he didn't get to see the promised land. One little frickin' mistake.

Lately I've been wondering if perhaps there was more going on behind the scenes. What we read in the Bible is Moses -- surrounded by a bunch of complaining ingrates who probably would have gotten on Mother Teresa's last nerve -- disobeying God by hitting a rock (so that it would miraculously produce water for the people to drink) instead of speaking to it like God told him to. I wonder if maybe this was more of a "last straw" kind of a situation between God and Moses. I wonder if perhaps maybe God had already been trying to work on Moses' violent tendencies for many years. I wonder if perhaps God was like, "Hey, Moses, remember that one guy you killed in Egypt all those years ago? Well, you can't solve all your problems by killing people, and you won't be able to run away from your problems all your life." I wonder if perhaps Moses smacking the rock with his staff made God sigh frustratedly and say something like, "Hey, why didn't you believe Me when I told you I would give My people water, and all you had to do was speak to the rock? Listen, if you can't handle My people with care, I'll raise up somebody else to look after them. They won't be able to handle the giants in the promised land if the only problem-solving example they see is a violent one. You will stay here in the wilderness, but no worries, everything is going to be OK. I love you."

Just using my imagination.

Last night, I performed the monthly maintenance on my cats (nail trimming, ear cleaning, anti-heartworm medicine distributing). I've done this with my babies at least a hundred times, so they should know what to expect. Macho crawled into my lap and stretched out one of his paws. Choochie sprawled out on the floor and didn't start growling until I got to her last paw. They didn't do anything wrong. They're cats. And they're mine. I've chosen to maintain them this way (I guess it's kinda like pruning John-15 style) simply because they're alive and growing, and they need to stay healthy and safe during the process. (And because I don't want the vet to give me another guilt trip for an ear infection caused by wax buildup.) It isn't always pleasant for them or me, but it has to be done, and all three of us will enjoy its benefits when the brief maintenance process is over.

I'm not exactly sure how to transition into my next idea, so I'll use a nifty Bible verse totally out of context.

"Nicodemus said to Him, 'How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" (John 3:4)

I know, right? I think God knew what He was doing when He created the way in which humans are born. (Being born again -- which is what Nicodemus and Jesus were talking about -- is a completely different story, of course.) I've never given birth, but I've heard that it's very painful. And that's with just a tiny little person coming out of you. You couldn't give birth to a full-grown adult human being. That would be absurd. When you give birth, it's to a brand-new baby creature. (Otherwise, it's called adoption, which again is a completely different story, of course.)

It's a baby. It's a little person. It's a small beginning.

And that small person isn't supposed to stay small. He or she is supposed to grow up. Growth takes time. The person who is currently typing this post has been growing for about 38 years, and she will continue to grow. Growth is hard. Sometimes it involves growing pains. Sometimes crazy things happen. Your baby teeth may fall out one by one in order to make room for permanent teeth. Your permanent teeth may end up falling out permanently. Your growth may accelerate during your teen years while your entire being becomes suitable to make babies of your own. Your growth may do a weird backward tangent during your mid-life years while you get extra piercings or tattoos or sports cars or other things that psychologists might consider to be evidence of a "crisis." Regardless of the type of growth, the growth will continue to happen whether you like it or not. Adjustments are constantly being made during every process of life.

But it starts out small. And then hopefully, after years of honing, perfecting, polishing, and shining, it lives happily ever after. Raucous applause!