A major downside to waking up at 4 a.m., of course, is that my cats are
now used to being fed at approximately that time. Sometimes I wake up to the
sound of Macho meow-insisting at 3 or 3:30. On the weekends, when I try to sleep in,
I'll simply wake up when my cats get hungry, feed them, and then go back to
sleep for a few more hours. This morning, for example, Macho meow-woke me up at
4:40. (Don't worry; I didn't snap the above photo until around 10:30.)
Whenever I tell people that my weekday morning routine seriously takes about
4 hours, they either laugh at me or they freak out and try to fix me. They start
asking me somewhat personal questions like, "What do you DO in the
mornings??" Well, I feed the cats (twice), take a shower, get dressed, and
eat breakfast, not that it's any of your business. I've already tried
everything I can think of to make my routine shorter. But I'm a morning person,
and I'm an introverted creative person. If I don't get to take my time and work
through things in my head/heart that may bubble up during my wake-up routine, I
might arrive to work angry and irritable instead of alert and cheerful. Trust
me: This 4 a.m. thing has proven to work for me.
Lately, I've been thinking about the concept of people needing to
"prove" themselves. For example, during one episode of Restaurant: Impossible, Chef Robert
Irvine (who is notorious for being blunt and harsh when you first meet him)
said that whenever he hires a new employee, he won't even talk to them for
about two or three months. He'll wait until they prove themselves to be a good,
competent employee before he'll start to build a relationship with them. At
first, I thought this was a terrible thing for him to do. But then I realized that it was probably
also happening to me, so it isn't a terrible thing at all.
I have zero complaints about my current job. When people ask me if I
like working there, I reply with my honest opinion: "This is an editing
paradise." But even though I've already been there for two months, people
are still introducing themselves to me, welcoming me, and telling me that
they're glad to have me aboard. I thought that was something you were supposed
to do from the get-go: Assume that somebody was who they said they were, trust them to do their job, and then get shocked and
heartbroken when they turn out to be a total slob who you end up firing.
But I've learned that waiting for somebody to prove themselves is a
biblical thing. And, not to mention, it could save you some heartache later on.
"Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who
does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." (2
Timothy 2:15)
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." (James 1:2)
"So the servants of the owner came and said to him, 'Sir, did you
not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?' ... 'Let both
grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the
reapers, "First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn
them, but gather the wheat into my barn." ' " (Matthew 13:27, 30)
So, God tests us, too. Of course. In that sense, I guess you could say
that we need to prove ourselves to Him, even though technically He already
knows what's inside us, and even though we probably already have an idea of
what's inside us as well. He's a just God, but He's also a God of grace. He
understands, more than anyone else, that sometimes it can take a long time for
the testing and approval process to happen. (It just feels like it takes forever.)
He lets the tares grow with the wheat; He lets the bad weeds grow with the good
crop for a while. Then at harvest time, He pulls out the bad weeds and gets rid
of them forever, while simultaneously cashing in on the good crop. (If He had
tried to get rid of the bad stuff prematurely, He would have risked
accidentally destroying the good stuff along with it.)
This idea of "proving" yourself is new to me. I grew up being
very codependent. I grew up thinking that if you were a certain way in life, you
were doomed to stay that way forever. If someone living in your house was a
heartbreaking slob, then it was your frustrating duty to pick up the slack for
them forever. As a young adult, I believed that you needed to hand over your
entire heart on a silver platter to anyone as soon as you met them. If they
turned out to be a total jerk, you wouldn't even notice, and then you'd wonder
why you had so many random problems in your life.
But that's not God's way.
"The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of
the wicked leads them astray." (Proverbs 12:26)
Some translations of this verse say to be "cautious" in
friendship. This is a lesson that I've been learning in recent years. Even more
recently, I've been learning how to wait to let someone prove themselves to me
before I share too much of my heart with them. It might sound strange and
cruel, but it has actually saved me at least a tiny bit of heartache.
But Someone else wants to prove Himself also.
" 'Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be
food in My house, and try Me now in this,' says the Lord of hosts, 'If I will
not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that
there will not be room enough to receive it.' " (Malachi 3:10)
In this verse, God says, "try Me," but in the King James Version, He says, "prove Me." Sure, in Deuteronomy, Matthew, and
Luke, the Bible says to not test God, but in Malachi it's very clear that God
wants us to put Him to one very particular test. (And I'm not just saying so
because I'm a member of a church whose pastor is famous for his life-message on
tithing/giving.)
When I got my first job straight out of college, I worked part-time for
minimum wage, and I lived with some roommates. One of them had a laidback
conversation with me about tithing. She said that sometimes "God
understands" when we don't tithe. That conversation stuck in my head for
years, and I think I let it influence my financial decisions. For years, I
would pretty much only tithe whenever I would feel like it or whenever I would
remember to. As a result, of course, God would pretty much only rebuke the
devourer (Malachi 3:11) whenever He would feel like it, so to speak. A few
years after I got out of college, I was so poor that I would only have about $10 to
spend on two weeks' worth of groceries from every paycheck. Every weekday, I would eat a tuna sandwich
and popcorn for lunch, and then I would come home and fry myself some eggs for dinner. People
thought I was exercising or dieting. Nope. I was just poor.
Now anytime I get paid, I tithe ASAP. Why? Because that money isn't
mine. As a result, sometimes I look at my checkbook, and I'm like, "Um...
how did I end up with all this money left over?" And God is like,
"You sound surprised." Yes, Father, I am. But I shouldn't be, because
You've proven Yourself to be faithful to take care of me financially if I just
give You back what's Yours financially.
I'm certainly not saying that I should always be a cynical person who
demands that people show themselves worthy of my friendship before I will give
them the time of day. And I'm also not saying that I should live my life always
doubting if God is who He says He is. I'm just saying that it's biblical to be
more careful with people, to not be surprised when people wait for me to prove
myself to them, and to let God show off His awesome provision whenever I let Him.
So, I guess you could say that just like how my cats can trust me to
feed them at approximately 4 a.m. every day, I can trust God to feed me
everything I need every day. Hmm. Who'd a thunk that needing to prove oneself
was a God thing? I guess when you spend some time getting to know Somebody, you
find out all kinds of stuff like that.
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