Several ideas have been swirling around in my head for a while, and I thought
it would be interesting to combine them here and see what happens.
I've mentioned this before, but I believe that God used my previous
cats Macho and Choochie (pictured on the left) to teach me about how to relate to
Him, and now He's using MeepMeep (pictured on the right) to teach me about how to
love people. Notice that in this photo, Macho and Choochie are politely
enjoying themselves while respecting my things, but MeepMeep is totally making
herself at home in MY space. (I didn't even know it was possible to use a piano
keyboard as a scratching post, but MeepMeep figured out a way. She's impressive.)
I will now abruptly switch gears. Last week -- on Valentine's Day --
one of the higher-ups at work gave us a tirade about how we weren't working
fast enough or good enough. I was reminded pretty quickly that God really
intended this job to be a temp job, cuz I ain't gonna want to stay all that
long in a place that lectures me for working my butt off for them. Know what I
mean? I've been trying to keep as of positive an attitude as I can during this
prolonged season of temp-employment, because I honestly am thankful for the
paycheck, and because I know that God is doing some important things inside me
right now, and because I know that He wants me there right now. (And because I
wouldn't be able to work where I REALLY want to work for at least another six
months). A guest pastor at church preached a sermon at the beginning of the
year in which he encouraged us to persevere, and I know that my job is a place
where I need to just keep my head down and press through, especially when it's
difficult. But a lecture at work on top of it being Valentine's Day just made
the entire day a load of --
Anyway, while I was doing dishes either that night or the day after, I
remarked to the Lord about how crazy it was that I could suddenly go from loving
the upper-level managers at work to hating them. He basically said,
"That's what it's like with authority. You either love them, or you hate
them. You've been trying to find a middle ground, but you won't." I will
probably be chewing on that piece of wisdom for the rest of my life.
I'm not saying that this is a word for the body of Christ at large, or
for everybody, but I know that it's for me. I think there's some biblical
evidence for it. For instance...
"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and
love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You
cannot serve God and mammon." (Jesus talking in Matthew 6:24 about money,
but I think the same principle applies)
"When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; but when
a wicked man rules, the people groan." (Proverbs 29:2)
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:5, where I think
it's very interesting how God, the ultimate Authority of all authorities, tells us how He wants
us to relate to Him)
One of my English teachers in high school shared one of the coolest
pieces of wisdom I've ever heard: The opposite of love isn't hate; it's
indifference. Love and hate involve passion, but indifference doesn't involve
any passion at all. That's why love and hate are basically like a switch. You
can go from loving something/someone one day to suddenly hating it/them the
next. All you did was redirect your passion.
I think that can happen with authority figures. I frickin' LOVE being
under authority, I love being mentored, and I love getting to flourish under
somebody else's wing. But if that somebody suddenly shames me, abuses me, or
otherwise disses me -- especially if I've been faithful and hardworking -- I
can get resentful VERY quickly. I'll start fighting very hateful thoughts
toward that person. God has been showing me that those thoughts might not necessarily
go away right away... or at all.
I'm in a unique season of my life when my emotions are so freed up that
I'm unhinged on the inside. I'm in my early 40s, I don't have a husband or
parents to answer to, and I really couldn't care less about what other people
think about me. Basically, I have nothing to lose. There's so much freedom to
just go for it right now. So, I'm kind of getting an emotional crash course in
self-control.
I understand that when an offense happens, I need to forgive. If I'm bitter
about something, I need to work through it and get rid of it. If I get wounded,
I need to let God heal me from it before it festers and destroys me. I'm
acutely aware of this process. When the rage against the authority flows freely
through my insides, I need to control it and work through it. Currently, when I
talk to God about it, He basically just says something like, "Keep it in
your head. You're not acting on it." Some days, the stuff I internally
work through can get pretty intense.
But my word for this year is "brazen." God has been showing
me that I'm tough; I'm strong; I can handle stuff that maybe I didn't realize I
could handle in the past. I'm strong enough to choose love, honor, and
blessing. I'm strong enough to NOT punch anybody in the face. I'm strong enough
to NOT take revenge (or to let God take it Romans-12 style).
I'm strong enough because God has strengthened me and shaped me in the
fire... kind of like a Blacksmith forging an iron weapon to be used in battle. Say
hello to His little friend: Tirzah. She's strong enough to kick the devil in
his scrawny little --
Abruptly switching gears again, I'm learning how to show other people
grace, and I'm learning how to show myself grace. I think I understand more
than ever why God doesn't sanitize my internal emotional flare-ups: I wouldn't
be myself.
My cat MeepMeep has been going into heat rather frequently this winter.
(I think the cold weather is what gets her all excited.) It's kind of like a
Jekyll and Hyde thing where she turns into a completely different cat for a
week or so. When she's normal, I'm SO glad to have her back to her old self
because she's more manageable. When she's in heat, she only has one thing on
her mind, and she won't leave me alone until her passion is satisfied. (Sorry,
kitty, but Mama isn't a boy cat.)
It can get pretty overwhelming. I've even considered taking her back to
the vet office and telling them that it isn't working out for her to live with
me anymore. I've thought about it... but I won't do it. If I were to return her, you'd may as well rip my
heart out with a fork.
Because I love her. I want her just the way she is -- misplaced passion
and all. Yes, I can't wait until her hormones have all worked themselves out of
her system for good and she doesn't go into heat anymore. But here's the deal: I
wouldn't trade her or her intense emotions for anything -- NOT EVEN FOR A
NORMAL CAT.
See that picture I shared of her several paragraphs up? That was her
saying Hi to me while I was writing this post. This evening, she's normal, so I'm
able to write this thing in peace.
When she's in heat, she's restless and insatiable. But I don't disown
her. I don't lock her away in a room until she decides to behave. I let her
finish her cycle, even if it is a major inconvenience for me. And when she's
finished her cycle, we've come through yet another situation where we've bonded
together, and she's stronger as a cat. (For example, after her most recent heat
cycle, she started meowing more.)
People can be the same way. They can get obsessive about one little
issue, and they won't leave you alone until their restlessness is satisfied.
Shunning or shaming these people can be an easy way to get rid of them... but
being patient with them can help you understand their heart, and vice versa.
Then after they've worked through their issue, come down off their soapbox, or simply calmed down, perhaps you've gained a lifelong
friend.
I'm learning all kinds of interesting lessons about people right now.
One thing I've noticed is that grown adults can totally turn into little kids
anytime they learn something new, or anytime they're comfortable in a
situation, or anytime they're fully allowed to be themselves. If you're in
charge when this happens, you gotta put your big-girl pants on and be patient,
gracious, and loving towards them. (And you might also need to draw some
boundaries.) Otherwise, you'll hurt them.
I know what I'm talking about, because it's happened to me. But
hopefully I've learned how NOT to treat people.
As a side note, I hope I'm not being all hoity-toity about me being an
awesome leader. I already know I'm not perfect. Maybe there are people out
there who hate me, too. I heard choir people talk about me behind my back once. (Or
maybe they just thought it was behind my back.) I think and pray through that
type of thing with God, too. When you let people express how they're really
feeling, you get to see what's really in their heart.
For now, I'm enjoying MeepMeep's normal streak. I just now walked a few
laps around the living room while I was holding her. For the record, she is
much more affectionate than Macho and Choochie ever were. MeepMeep's emotions
aren't always very controlled, but they are always very deep. I like it that
way.
I think God likes it that way, too, and I think that's why He doesn't
zap me off the face of the earth whenever I'm acting like a foolish little --
Thanks for reading!
