A few years ago when I was struggling through a difficult season of emotional healing and taking a step back from some of my favorite activities, a friend prayed 1 Peter 5:10 over me:
“... may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” (NKJV).
My word for 2022 was “settling.” I hoped that that would mean that I would be settling into a new job, a new season of life, but 2022 seemed to unfold a bit differently for me. God shook things up in my world, and often after things are shaken, they need to settle down—outwardly and inwardly.
If you’ve followed my blog over the years, perhaps you remember that I left the bottom shelf of one of my bookcases empty so that I could fill it with textbooks when I went back to school. As you can see, that shelf is full and has overflowed onto the shelves above it! Those are my training-to-be-a-worship-pastor textbooks and grad-school textbooks on the bottom shelf, grad-school textbooks and worship-degree class notes on the second shelf, and grad-school class notes on the top shelf (along with some VHS tapes and CDs). Not pictured are the textbooks that I sold back and the Kindle textbooks. Even though my future is more of a giant question mark than ever before, I know that I have/will have degrees in writing, worship, and theology... and I suspect that all three of those disciplines will be in my future somehow.
All of the Changes
Since the whole point of me going back to school was to receive training to be a worship pastor, I had hoped (and still hope) that God would place me in that type of role. Meanwhile, as I have been waiting—and attempting to put myself in a better place while I wait—2022 ended up bringing me changes in nearly every area of my life:
- new apartment
- new work building
- new work desk and cubicle
- new degree plan
- new phone
- new glasses
- new second job (which I quit, as described in a previous post)
- new Bible (graduation present)
- new way of doing choir (something awesome that I’ll learn more about in 2023)
- new vet for MeepMeep (just for her dental care)
- new way of brushing my teeth (due to tooth extraction)
- new wave of bitterness (as mentioned in previous posts)
- new entertainment obsession (as described below)
- new educational interest (as described further below)
When the Harry Potter movies were first released, I was hanging around a group of Christians that was very hypersensitive with their entertainment (if they ever enjoyed any type of entertainment). I’m sorry, but these folks were just anti-fun. Specifically, since witchcraft is forbidden in the Bible, they condemned anything related to Harry Potter, so I was programmed to avoid it, too. But as the years went by, I noticed that Christians whom I respected were fans of the movies and books. Around the early part of summer 2022, I got very curious about Harry Potter and watched several movie clips on YouTube... and I was like OH MY GOSH THIS IS AWESOME!!! So, I found a cheap used set of all eight Harry Potter movies on Amazon and have been bingeing them ever since. (Movie #6 is currently in my DVD player.) Turns out, the author of the Harry Potter books is a Christian and uses Christian symbolism in Harry’s story. So, in 2022 I became very acquainted with the movies, and maybe in 2023 I’ll get to start reading the books!
God had warned me that I would reach a low point in 2022, and I ended up doing that with a brief bout with depression, etc. (I’m actually still working through some bitterness issues.) Harry Potter has been a healthy source of cathartic entertainment for me. Besides the symbolism and the ingenious storytelling, it has also nurtured in me a desire to learn and to teach others (Harry is a student at a boarding school). It reminds me that school is a time to learn about myself and discover my passions.
A Discovery
So, on paper, I’m qualified to write/edit and to be a worship pastor, and I’m currently working on the qualifications to become a professor. This past semester, as I began to learn about theology and church history, I also discovered something new about myself: I like history.
Wait. What?
I know that I’m artsy-fartsy, and I can sometimes express myself better with music than I can with English, but I didn’t realize that I actually like learning about history. As I’ve thought about this, I’ve realized that I learn about history for fun (OverSimplified is one of my favorite YouTube channels), and I remembered how much time I spent reading for my AP History class in high school.
More specifically, after my Christian history class ended in October, I found myself bored while reading through regular theological materials. Okay, okay, so lots of different theologians believe differently than I do. I get it. But where’s the action? Getting to read about historical events is more exciting for me. Even more specifically, I’ve discovered another new thing about myself: I like learning about heresies.
Wait. WHAT???
I’ve realized that I love to learn about heresies—unorthodox beliefs that I really don’t agree with such as Gnosticism, adoptionism, any other -isms that teach that Jesus isn’t God, isn’t human, or isn’t One with the Father and the Holy Spirit. Realizing this about myself alarmed me: Won’t I get messed up if I dig deeply into this stuff?
Nope. I know that all of that stuff is false, so reading about it is like reading a science-fiction novel. (I even read a book awhile back that was written by a lady who survived life in a cult.) Heresies are exasperating and entertaining all at the same time. Church history and heresiology: my new interests.
Macho and Choochie weren’t around when I was in school, but MeepMeep has been here. She’s the perfect study buddy.
Pottery and Pastry
But meanwhile, waiting for God to place me in a ministry job has been very difficult. Watching people around me getting promoted while I’m still either doing entry-level work or waiting in the wings has sometimes been torturous. Watching other people get chosen while I feel rejected yet again has felt awful... but God reminds me that He sees me, He’s already chosen me, and I just need to be available. (Even if I’m just a doorkeeper in His house, Psalm 84-style.) Sharing my heart and my dreams with someone only to have them not listen is always awful... but God reminds me that He’s always listening.
He’s shown me that 2022 was a year of “unwelcome change” for me. Some of those bigger changes that I listed above were definitely unwelcome, but I think He’s been changing me in the process.
I didn’t do that. God did.
While I was at church one Sunday this past year, a lady whom I recognized from the church’s prophetic team introduced herself to me during the video announcements and said that she had a word for me. She saw a picture of a cinnamon roll and said that there’s a lot of work involved in making cinnamon rolls, but in the end it’s worth it. She said that I’ve asked God why He’s been rolling up things in my life, hiding them, and cutting them away, but it’s all part of the process. In the end, He’s going to pour out a sweet anointing.
Cool, I’ll take it!
Looking Ahead
For me, 2022 was a year of “unwelcome change,” but 2023 will be a year of “welcome change.” At the beginning of last year, I felt a sense of warning when God would talk to me about 2022, but at the beginning of this year, I feel a sense of excitement as He talks to me about 2023.
My word for this year is “fantastic.” According to the dictionary on my laptop, it’s a word that means “extraordinarily good” or “imaginative or fanciful,” and it comes from a Greek word that means “visible.” Maybe that means that the awesome stuff I’ve been waiting for will be revealed. Or maybe I’ll end up going through some really huge trials that will be way more than I ever imagined. Hopefully the former, or perhaps a mixture, but God will help me through it all. I know that He has good things planned for all of us!
Happy New Year!
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