Oh. What's up, y'all? This is another episode of Here's What It's Like To Be Single Theater. [She wipes the corners of her mouth with a napkin. Then she hesitates.] I'm sorry. I'm distracted by the orangeness of this grease on a white napkin. It kinda matches my cat. Ooo. [She stares at her napkin in silence for a moment. Macho meows, waking her up to reality.] Hi, kitten.
So, usually on Here's What It's Like To Be Single Theater, I conduct diversity training about singlehood. If you'd like to catch up on past episodes, please check out previous blog entries from 4/23/11 and 11/29/11. Today, instead of focusing on singlehood, I'd like to focus on womanhood. There seem to have been some stereotypes about this particular topic throughout the centuries. Yes, that was an intentional understatement. I struggled a bit to come up with an original title for this blog post without ripping off anyone else's ideas, i.e., parodying Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman," which honestly seems a bit insulting to me as a female despite its intoxicating melody, or that "I am woman, hear me roar" song which I have yet to actually hear but have heard parodied ad nauseum and actually parodied myself once. Hmm. I wonder if I should just pull it up on YouTube and... I'm sorry. I distracted myself again with my stream of consciousness.
"Do not let your adornment be merely outward -- arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel -- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:3-4, NKJV)
I had a friend once who was disturbed by the above Scripture reference. She had a disposition that was neither gentle nor quiet. I basically told her that it says "gentle and quiet spirit, not gentle and quiet personality." We're created in God's image, right? He gives us different personalities. Some of us women have very driven and strong personalities, while other women have very gentle and quiet personalities, while the rest of us women have a random mixture of something in between all that.
Last month, I attended women's events at two completely different church venues two nights in a row. The first event was a good night overall, but as I walked out of the building amidst a crowd of cackling, I didn't really feel like I fit in. The second night started out with a fashion show and a shocking declaration that the eyebrows are the most important part of a woman's face, and it also was a good night overall, but I think it helped to solidify the feelings that I'm about to express in this post...
Women are a diverse bunch of people! We aren't all the same! Not all of us are into beauty tips and cooking and collecting pink outfits! In fact, some of us ferociously run away from all of that! Some of us are nerdy and quite proud of it! Some of us hate to wear makeup and are allergic to perfume! Some of us are extremely artsy-fartsy, to the point of distracting ourselves while we're blogging!
I can't speak for everybody, but for me, the more God frees up my soul, the more secure I become in my womanhood. Heck yes, I want to look good. But my style probably won't be found on any runway. My style is more the punk-wannabe look that I sported back in the 90s, around the time when I stopped wearing makeup. I have to trim my nails short so that they don't interfere with playing my guitar. (I used to buff my nails nice and shiny, but I stopped that after I started to play the guitar so much that the friction started buffing/ripping off half of one of my nails.) My schedule has become so busy that "cooking" has turned into heating up TV dinners and eating sandwiches, and I've become best buddies with my dishwasher. I only shop for clothes when I wear out my old ones. And I'm OK with that.
Not all women are clueless about "manly" things like sports, hunting, or cars. And not all men are clueless about "womanly" things like fashion, housekeeping, or openly expressing emotions. Actually, I really wish that someone had taught me much earlier in life that that last one is completely OK and even normal for women (and men) to do. When something hurts or just hits you strongly, it's OK to cry! There are a lot of things that I really wish I had known earlier about being a woman, and I wish I had been encouraged to explore the reasons why I was drawn to certain things instead of stifling them or pretending that they weren't there. Perhaps the good things I was drawn to could have blossomed sooner, and perhaps the bad things I was drawn to could have been cut off sooner.
For example, would you like to see some of the toys that I used to play with when I was a little girl? (I'm planning to sell them on eBay soon.)
Aw, yeah, I liked action figures. I owned dolls, too, but what made the action figures more fun than the dolls was their intricate details. Check out the muscles on those plastic little bods! I like details. Artsy-fartsy people like details. We drown in details. Also, the first time I discovered what a "tomboy" was, I was discouraged from calling myself one. I wonder if perhaps I'd been allowed to label myself as such earlier in life, I could have dealt with some extremely important gender issues earlier in life.
Earlier in this post, I mentioned that being a woman means having a gentle and quiet spirit. What are some other things that the Bible says about what it really means to be a woman?
"The heart of her husband safely trusts her." (Proverbs 31:11a, NKJV)
"She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls... She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for the tasks... She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness... Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:14-15, 17, 25-27, 30 NIV)
The other day, I walked into a grocery store to do my regular mundane grocery shopping, and I noticed that I was very excited about it. God showed me that I'm a woman; therefore, I like to shop. Yes, even doing something as non-thrilling as walking into a grocery-store deli and picking out a salad and a bottle of juice is exciting for me in a relaxing, yay-I-get-to-choose-something-from-zillions-of-detailed-options kind of way.
Technically, the verses in Proverbs 31 are talking about being a wife. However, since there's no guarantee that I'm ever going to become anyone's wife, I don't think that I'm exempt from taking these verses seriously. I want to be the kind of woman that God can trust. I want to fear Him. I want to walk and talk wisdom. I was not designed to sit around and do nothing and gossip. I was designed to be diligent. I was designed to "hunt" for things like bargains and time-savers, and then bring them home to hungry people and excitedly declare, "Look what I found!" No, there isn't anything wrong with being a woman who's a girly-girl who likes to wear perfume and paint her nails and match her makeup with her outfit. But if all that becomes her sole focus, perhaps she's missed the entire point of being a woman.
Wait. What was I saying? I'm sorry. I distracted myself again. I think maybe I should stop typing and finish writing my new song.
Thanks again, y'all, for joining me here on Here's What It's Like To Be Single Theater. Hmm. I wonder if I should change the show's title to Here's What It's Like To Learn How to Be Yourself Theater. [Lost in her artsy-fartsy thoughts, single chick belches aloud. Purring aloud on her lap, Macho sniffs the aroma of his mama's lunch. He has forgotten about his pizza-stealing agenda and is completely lost in the snuggliness of his mama's love.] Stay tuned to Windowbrawl, where I hope to blog soon about Choochie.
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