Since blogging is cheaper than therapy, I hope you don't mind indulging
me, reader. I'm not 100% sure where I'm going to go in this particular post,
but if you don't mind, I'm going to metaphorically recline on this cyber
therapy couch, gaze off into space, and ramble a bit.
Last May, I
wrote about how eating local honey and mixing it with apple cider vinegar can
significantly help my allergies. For the most part, I've kept up with the honey
part of the treatment, but unfortunately, I've neglected the apple cider
vinegar. As you can see in this photo, it appears harmless in the bottle, but
once you mix it with the otherwise tasty honey and swallow it... Oy. I would
almost rather visit a doctor and get a shot. (I hate shots.) But drinking the
vinegar works. The honey tastes wonderful, and I don't have a problem eating it
at all, even though all it does is expose my body to stuff that local bees make
while they're dancing around local pollen. The vinegar also has an important
job to do. I'm not a scientist, but I believe the vinegar shocks my sinuses
into giving up whatever allergens have been lurking around in them. After I
endure a few minutes of severe unpleasantness in my kitchen while I drink my
vinegar/honey concoction, which I'll now try doing twice a day instead of only
once, I've noticed that my sinuses stay clean for a few hours, and my tummy
won't have acid reflux later in the day. And I think the vinegar puts hair on
your chest. Wait. Um... I didn't mean that literally. It's just an expression. Wait.
Was that TMI? I mean, um... wait.
The only reason I typed the last part of that paragraph was because I
didn't know how else to transition into this paragraph. Right now, I'm in the
weirdest, most awkward season of my entire life. It's not an accident that I've
been reading through the Book of Judges lately in the Bible (or that I've been
reading through it very slowly). In many ways, I'm in my promised land now. In
Judges, the Israelites were transitioning into life in their promised land.
I currently don't have my Bible open in front of me, but from what I
can remember from reading, I've noticed a pattern -- or maybe just some motifs
-- in Judges. If the Israelites follow God, and God gives them a judge rule
over them, there are no major problems noted. Then the Israelites rebel against
God and worship other gods, get attacked by neighboring nations, and live
in misery for like 20 years. Maybe God will tell the Israelites to destroy
certain enemies, but they'll disobey or won't follow through, and they continue
in misery. Then they cry out to God again, He rescues them again, and there's
peace in the land again. It seems like the places where Israel effs up and
plays the ho with other gods and then ends up going to war with neighboring
people are the places that take up entire chapters in Judges. Then the places
where Israel obeys God and enjoys peace take up like one or two verses. So, God goes into a lot of detail describing the drama, but He seems to conceal the details anytime His people are following Him like they're supposed to. It's almost as if God is like, "You made major mistakes on
purpose, and you didn't care, so I'll make sure your major mistakes are
recorded so that posterity will learn from them. But all those times where you
chose to follow Me on purpose, and more than likely made lots of mistakes, I'll
keep those details from posterity, because they don't have to know, and I'm a
God of grace who knows that your hearts needed some covering and room to
grow."
If you know me, you know that I'm artsy-fartsy and pretty darn random.
The more "me" I become, the more spacey and out-there I become. I'm
extremely right-brained, so I think vaguely, and I'm very comfortable with
vagueness, tangents, and non-practical excitement. I live in a very ethereal
place all the time. I'm in my own little world constantly. My cat has slits for
closed eyes in the sea of gray surrounded by snow-white cotton amidst swirly
gray with next-door orange swirly purple bronze ejecting through bright-yellow
Toyota hubcap television marblecake ice-cream whipping over pizzaburgertacowrap.
Wait. So, mundane things are refreshing for me. They help me unfry my brain and
bring me back down to earth. I think that's why the hour I spend at the
beautiful coin laundromat is my new funnest time of the week. I think that's
why going to the grocery store and browsing through the different brands of
apple cider vinegar is exciting for me. I think that's why sitting down at my
desk once a month and writing a paper check for my car payment is the most
wonderful time I ever spend at my desk.
My brain is constantly creating things, my emotions are constantly
feeling things, and my soul is constantly raging with some kind of drama. And
God designed me that way, and He's constantly healing and maintaining my inner
gears. But when God makes me lie down in green pastures, sometimes He does so
in the stillness of the mundane. It's a chance for me to take a step back, get
a tiny bit of perspective, and say, "Wow, God, You're really faithful.
You've been with me all these years, and You've never let me down." When I
see the otherwise boring-looking laundromat, I see a choice that I made to not
have a washer/dryer in my home, I see all the lint that I don't have to clean
up, I see a weekly chance to hone my survival skills, I see strengthening independence, and I see God staring at me while I'm sitting on a plastic bench and reading my Bible. When I see the grocery-store aisles, I see comfort, I see
options, I see memories, I remember my poverty-stricken days when I would only
have $10 to buy 2 weeks' worth of food, and I marvel that my current budget has
ballooned to about $120 for 2 weeks' worth of food now, and I remember how good
my God is. When I see the car bill, I see a choice that I made to purchase my
transportation machine, I see that I only have about 18 months left before it's
completely paid off, and I remember how a Christian car salesman just happened
to be at the car lot on a day when I just happened to be fed up with the danger
of driving my previous jalopy, and I'm amazed at how awesome of a provider my
God is.
I think all those years that I believed these mundane things were a
waste of time, I was robbing myself of seeing God in the most practical ways.
He gave me a life, and He wants me to live it and enjoy it. No, I'm not
forsaking everything and selling everything to go live in a foreign country for
a couple of years. I'm not spending all my spare time reading tracts to people.
I'm not traveling to churches and raising missionary support. And there's
nothing wrong with any of those activities. It's just that when I follow God, I
end up in mundane places like the laundromat, the grocery store, and the
bill-paying desk. And yes, I also end up in random places in my head where I
climb up to God's chest, clasp onto His cheeks, and shower Him with
kisses.
Maybe those tiny little verses I read in Judges where God's people
followed Him and all was well in the land seem boring to my naked eye. And
maybe those long chapters I read in Judges where God's people metaphorically
flipped Him the bird while they partied with other gods seem almost exciting to
my drama-loving right brain. But those peaceful, boring times were probably the
sweeter times. And those war-filled, wild-orgy times were probably
the ridiculously, unnecessarily, incomprehensibly tragic, more bitter times. I
think the Israelites really hurt God's feelings. At one point, I remember
reading where the people had rebelled again, and then they got attacked, and
then they cried out to God, and He basically said, "Nope, why don't you
cry out to your new gods and let them rescue you for once?" And the people
insisted and repented, and God changed His mind, and His heart probably burst
in ways that only Someone who's deeply in love would ever allow their heart to
feel.
The Israelites were in their promised land. Their fathers had lived in
Egypt and were used to bondage. They didn't know what it was like to live in a
land full of milk and honey. They probably didn't know what it was like to love
on a loving God. They were probably used to slavemasters constantly barking
orders at them and telling them what to do. They were probably used to just
going with the flow and worshiping their owners' gods. Even after God brought
them out of bondage and brought them out into the wilderness, they grumbled and
complained. They freaked out and wanted Moses to talk to God for them. Maybe
they didn't know what it was like to talk to Him face to face like Moses did.
So, after God brought them into the promised land, He was like,
"There are people here that will be snares to you. Remember who I am.
Remember who you are. I don't want My people to be polluted. Please make war
and clean house. Please love Me." God's people had honey, but He also
prescribed some vinegar. They didn't faithfully drink their vinegar. They didn't
purge the land of their enemies right away. They allowed themselves to remain
polluted, so their enemies took over and enslaved them.
I'm in my promised land. I don't have people as enemies, but I have
spiritual enemies (i.e., the devil and his demons, the strongholds they build
inside me, the lies they've spoken to me, etc.). If I don't make war and clean
house, they could take over, and I could go back into bondage all over again.
This is my chance to purge my land of my enemies. This is my time to enjoy the
honey but mix it with the vinegar to shock out the pollutants. My God loves me
and is faithful to me. I want to remain faithful to Him, too. I know what it's
like to prostitute myself, metaphorically speaking, to other gods. I remember how
horribly they treated me. Why should I try to make peace with them? They're not
welcome in my land.
Spiritually speaking, I'm married to the most wonderful, most perfect,
most faithful Husband in the entire universe. The life in Him that I used to
think looked boring now appears exciting, not because of drama but because I
know Him. Behind closed doors -- safely concealed in the secret place, and away
from the eyes of anyone who might judge me for making awkward learning
mistakes because I'm a human being -- I know Him in ways that I would never dream
about knowing another person. I don't want anything to pollute my relationship
with my God. I don't want to hawk a loogie in God's face and worship a foreign
orgy machine just because my neighbors do. I don't want squatter-enemies to
strengthen themselves until they take over. I want my promise. I want my
inheritance. I want my happily ever after. I don't know exactly what that will
look like, but my Prince of Peace knows. And He's in control.
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