Delayed reactions

I recently purchased a new couch. My cat avoided my new couch until he realized he could use it as a scratching post. He scratches because he's a cat. (No, he's not allowed to shred my new couch, which is why I supervise him as highly as I can. He's currently perching and behaving as I type this.)

What if I didn't allow my cats to be cats at all? What if I squelched every little instinct they had? Without their God-given instincts, would they be able to function as cats at all? Instead of doing cat things that they were created to do -- such as grooming their fur, using a litterbox, napping many hours per day, meowing, purring, trilling, hissing, exploring, enjoying catnip, leaping long distances, perching at windowsills... what if I were to guilt-trip or all-out force them into doing dog things instead -- such as barking, howling, panting, drooling, whimpering, herding other animals, taking long walks, playing tennis-ball fetch, etc.? I think they would be pretty miserable cats. I think maybe the animal-control people would press charges and transfer the cats to a loving home in which they could be reconditioned and maybe socialize with other cats who know how to do cat things. ("What? You mean... you get to groom yourself? You mean... you get to nap all day? You mean... the new owners let you snuggle with them and purr, and maybe meow, and maybe go on a catnip trip? Wow. This is heaven.")

I don't consider myself to be an animal, but I think in a way, I've been experiencing a process that's very similar to the silly one I described in the previous paragraph.

I've noticed that my emotional healing has involved quite a bit of delayed reactions. Perhaps it's all part of the rewiring process. I think maybe if a light socket were wired incorrectly, the light bulb wouldn't turn on whenever it's supposed to turn on. But if the wiring is in good, working order, as soon as the switch flips, the light bulb will turn on. And I'm not talking about being quick to anger (James 1:19). And I'm not talking about neglecting to walk in love or grace (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Ephesians 4:31-32). And I'm not talking about letting your flesh do whatever it wants (Galatians 5:24). I'm talking about the light bulb turning on when it's supposed to.

Let's say, for example, that you're a woman who wears makeup on a regular basis, and your friend laughs and tells you that you look like a clown:

Example of light bulb malfunctioning: "Oh, hahaha! My friend is so funny! I'm so glad she thinks I'm so delightful!"

Example of light bulb working correctly: "Wait a minute. My so-called friend just insulted me. I need to talk to her about it after I calm down. Now all those times she ignored me and snubbed me make sense. I should probably also pray about discontinuing this friendship."

Maybe it's different with me because I'm a woman, and we women have intuition. But in general, I think feelings and instincts are like thermometers. They're indicators that show you if or when some kind of action needs to be taken. If you set the thermostat in your home for 80 degrees before you leave the house, and it reads 90 degrees when you return, hopefully you'll wilt immediately and call a repairperson. But maybe you won't notice it right away because you thrive in hot weather. Maybe you'll have suspicions that won't be confirmed until you check your vents and realize that they're blowing hot air. Either way, you should pay attention to the fact that your A/C needs some serious repair.

Incidentally, that example I gave about the friend telling the makeup-wearing woman that she looks like a clown was a true story. I don't wear makeup anymore, and I don't have that dysfunctional friendship anymore. Hopefully my intuition has been repaired. Hopefully my light bulbs turn on when they're supposed to now.

Regarding my spiritually abusive history, I've had a few delayed reactions that I'd like to share here.

1) A few years ago, I was in a church choir in which the director told us once during rehearsal, "If you have a microphone, and I point to you and say, 'prophesy,' you prophesy!"

My reaction then: Submission. Relief when I never had to prophesy for the director.

My reaction now: WHAT THE EFFING CRAP??? Excuse you, sir, but who died and made you the Holy Spirit? Last time I checked, He's the only One who is capable of moving upon me and causing me to prophesy. Yes, you were in spiritual authority over me, but that did not mean that you were in charge of just-add-water instant prophecy. What makes you think that anyone in our choir had ever prophesied before, and why are you such a prophecy control freak? I think now I understand a little bit better why you decided to move out of town. Perhaps God knew that you would be unhealthy for me and/or the rest of us in the choir. I hope you are doing well, and I hope you have allowed God to remind you that the Holy Spirit is the One who gives good gifts, not you.

2) For many years, I was in a church environment in which we allowed the Holy Spirit to move however He liked during worship services. That often meant that anyone around you, or even from across the auditorium, was permitted to completely interrupt your worship and pray for you or give you a word from the Lord during a song.

My reaction then: Oh, my friend is looking at me. I think that means she has a word from the Lord for me.

My reaction now: GROAN! Excuse you, but can you please mind your own business and not interrupt an intimate moment between me and God? No offense, but you're like a third wheel. OK, if you truly, genuinely feel that God is prompting you to pray for me and/or deliver a word from Him to me during the worship service, please go for it. But there's a strong chance that this phenomenon won't occur during every single worship service we have. Do you understand that you're creating a culture of anxiety where there's supposed to be an atmosphere of peace? Do you need to take How To Worship 101? Do you need to take a Worship Etiquette class? Unless it's totally God doing it, you probably shouldn't pressure yourself to constantly get words from God for people when they're supposed to be enjoying their time singing to Him. He's probably talking to them directly. Not every service is a presbytery. Do you understand what a relief it is to finally be in a church where I don't feel pressured to give people words from the Lord during worship services? Do you understand how liberating and peaceful it is to be able to worship God freely without any distractions?

3) For many, many years, I allowed other people to tell me how to spend my money, even after I started earning it for myself. One time, I got the third degree because I sent $20 to missionaries. I was told that I should have spent the money on myself instead. On another occasion, I naively told a friend that I took a cash advance for $10 on my credit card so that I could pay my rent. She told me it would bite me in the butt.

My reaction then: I am very confused on how to spend my money; should I give or be selfish? But I do know that debt is evil; therefore, I probably shouldn't tell my friend about the thousands of dollars that truly did bite me in the butt later.

My reaction now: Wow, was I green. And I'm glad I don't associate with those people anymore. I'm not saying that money shouldn't be spent wisely or that debt should be embraced; I'm saying that if you're an adult and somebody is micromanaging every dollar you spend, that's probably a red flag. I'll extend my reaction into the next two paragraphs.

Years ago, I was a member of a spiritually abusive church that guilt-tripped about debt and put poverty on a pedestal. Recently, I visited their website out of curiosity, and I surfed onto their merchandise page so I could check out their recent CDs. But before the site took me to the actual merchandise page, it took me to a warning page. I won't quote it exactly here, but here is my paraphrase of what it said: "We accept credit cards. However, we want you to live a debt-free lifestyle. Please don't buy any of our products with a credit card unless you have enough money in your bank account to cover the purchase."

After I read this, my blood boiled. I think publishing this statement on their warning page is hypocritical and controlling. Firstly, I think if they genuinely believed that debt is a stumbling block to people, then they wouldn't accept credit cards (which are basically instant debt anytime you swipe them) at all. It's just as easy to post a physical address to which a customer can mail a check or money order for merchandise as it is to post a warning page about credit cards. Secondly, I'm a grown woman with a full-time job; that means how I choose to spend my money (credit card or not) is none of this church's business. Sorry, but unless I live under your roof or you pay my rent, you have absolutely no place to tell me how to spend my money. Giving financial advice is one thing, but lecturing and controlling how I buy your merchandise is ridiculously crossing the line. Sometimes after I end unhealthy friendships or leave unhealthy environments, I wonder if I did the right thing -- could that person or that situation really have been that bad? For me, reading that warning page about debt and credit cards was confirmation: Oh, heck yes, I did the right thing.

I think one reason why I was so miserable in spiritually abusive environments was because, metaphorically speaking, I was a cat trying to live as a dog. There's nothing wrong with being a dog. Dogs are awesome. But I'm not a dog. If you keep telling me that I'm supposed to bark, whimper, and play tennis-ball fetch, of course I'm going to wonder if something is wrong with me if all I really want to do is meow, purr, and nap incessantly. What makes it abusive is if you try to make me be something that I'm not, especially if you guilt-trip me for failing at something that I was never created to succeed at. So, the light bulb took a while to finally switch on, but it's on now, and it's burning quite brightly: I'm a cat.

Speaking of, my cat decided to let me have my couch back, and he's enjoying evening nap #8912-B on another chair. My reaction: Ain't nothin' wrong with being a cat.