Unemployment completion and reflection

On Tuesday, God willing, I'm going to start a temp job that's located about a block away from my previous job! If it works out to be a more permanent solution, this could perhaps turn out to be a vindication/confirmation type of situation.

"Offer to God thanksgiving, and pay your vows to the Most High. Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me." (Psalm 50:14-15)

What a crazy season this has been! I've been unemployed at various times in my life, and for various amounts of times, but I gotta say... this time was the most frightening and the most awesome simultaneously. (Some moments were downright terrifying and took a while to recover from.) I came into this season with no savings, no job prospects, no relatives who offered me money, and no unemployment checks. I had a tiny bit of extra money available, but that ended up being used for car repairs and immediate bills. All I had to lean on was God. And He was enough.

In terms of financial/practical help and gifts, here's what I received during the two months that I was unemployed (as well as the three weeks beforehand, as well as in the very near future), if I remember everything correctly:

3 gift cards (Target, Jason's Deli, iTunes)

3 dozen cans of Coca-Cola

5 free meals, either treated from friends or mostly provided via event leftovers

1 pantry's worth of food items from a friend who changed her diet

$357 in cash

a zillion prayers

an assortment of free beauty products

1 month of electricity and cellular service (paid with financial assistance received from my church)

1 month of rent (paid with a cash gift from a friend)

1 month of rent and water (paid as a surprise from an anonymous friend)

1 month of rent (to be paid for December with financial assistance received from my church)

I'm overwhelmed. I'm humbled. I'm thankful. I'm in awe. I'm blown away. I don't deserve any of this, but I sure do appreciate how God has provided for me, and I sure do appreciate how He moved His people to help me.

There have been times in my life when I've needed money and gotten it -- but with a guilt trip attached (from the people who loaned/gave me funds, not from God). This time around, as the funds trickled in when I needed them, God said that He wanted to show me what it was like to experience generosity without the guilt trip.

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalm 34:4-6)

Seriously. I cried out to God and begged Him to help me, and He assured me that He would take care of it. I've never experienced anything like this before. Yes, I've been the recipient of someone randomly or anonymously giving me $100 here and there (which is what the people in my church like to do), but this felt like much more than that. In fact, I remember crying on my couch one day and talking to God about those past seasons when people would randomly give me money, and I think I mentioned that it would be nice if that would happen again. So, it happened again, AND THEN SOME.

One time when I was crying out to God because I didn't know how I was going to pay my rent, He replied in plain terms that I could understand, "How would it glorify Me if you were to die in the gutter?" I know, right? It wouldn't. So, He took care of it. AND THEN SOME. When He says He's going to provide "exceedingly abundantly above all you can ask or think," He isn't kidding.

I think it would be awesome if ALL of His Bride (not just a few of my friends) would reflect more of His heart.

At one point, I made some phone calls to local agencies and other ministries who offer financial assistance to people for rent and utilities. I felt treated like cattle. I called about two weeks before October rent was due and received mostly voicemail greetings. One greeting instructed me to call back on October 3rd so that I could receive $25. Another greeting instructed me to speak slowly and also explained that my call might take up to four weeks to be returned. One lady returned my call several days later and left a voicemail; she explained that she would only be available to speak to me for 20 more minutes and that she wouldn't be available again until a week later. One lady returned my call right away but instructed me to write down some phone numbers along with her personalized shorthand. Um, thank you, but I'm not 4 years old. If you tell me the name of an organization, I'll be able to spell it out myself. Moo.

Sheesh. I'm glad God was available immediately to help me. (Not to mention: Being humbled is one thing, but being humiliated is another.)

God had instructed me to take this season one day at a time, and He would usually give me a specific word to follow for a particular day. One time, He told me very clearly, "Where you live is more important than where you work." He confirmed that multiple times, including providing me a way to pay three months' worth of rent.

One thing that I felt like He spoke to my heart was that I would only be unemployed for two months. When I start my temp job on Tuesday the 24th, that will be exactly two months after the last day that I worked at my previous job, so I think that confirms what I heard.

I'm currently behind on several creditor bills, but if there's one thing I've learned during this past season, it's that God will provide. (I already knew that, but I got to learn that on a deeper level.) I mean, three months' worth of frickin' rent is a heck of a lot of provision. God has brought me this far, and I know that if I hold on to Him, He'll continue to take me wherever He wants me to be.

 

And, of course, this season was about more than just money and provision. I said goodbye to one cat and hello to another. My heart has been ripped out and healing simultaneously. MeepMeep and I have been getting to know each other, and I don't think it's an accident that this very important process has been occurring while I've been unemployed. I look forward to establishing a regular routine for her once I start working. (Because I've been currently keeping her awake during the day when she should be napping.)

Also during this crazy season, I've spent some time getting acquainted with the area in which I live. (I moved here 10 months ago but spent most of my time in the area where I work and go to church.) It's a suburb that has a reputation for being quite boring, and I like it that way. There isn't much to do around here because there are mainly just residential neighborhoods as far as the eye can see. So, I feel safe here. MeepMeep and I are very happy here, and we intend to settle here for the long haul.

This season has been an adventure indeed. The job interviews were quite a hoot. Explaining to potential employers why I left my previous job got some interesting responses if I went into too much detail. One lady scoffed at the name of my previous employer and asked if they were affiliated with any other company, I'm guessing because she hadn't heard of them, or perhaps she was researching and couldn't find more information about them. (Most marketing companies proudly tell people who their clients are, and they're happy to share case studies of how they specifically helped their clients, but whatevs.) Other potential employers metaphorically cried on my shoulder about how other job candidates treated them either during or before interviews. I have made a mental note to not use job candidates for my own personal therapy (if I ever interview job candidates in the future, that is).

I also did a lot of soul-searching. If you've followed my blog for the past several years, you know that I'm called to be a worship pastor. I'm discovering that many people either don't remember that, don't get that, or even counsel me to do something instead of that. Of course, I appreciate the counsel, and I understand that my calling probably won't result in a steady paycheck until much later down the road. And I promise you that I get why you would discourage somebody from being overly excited about something that God might not want them to do. (And I totally understand that while you're reading this, my heartfelt words could easily go in one ear and out the other.) But here's the bottom line: I know who I am, and God knows who I am.

And I'm pretty sure He's been testing me to see whether or not I'm still willing to do or become whatever it takes to live in my promised land someday. No matter how long it would take.

About two months ago, during my exit interview at my previous job, the CEO of the company asked me what I wanted to do in terms of an occupation (because I was about to leave my editing job). I replied that I wanted to continue working in the Christian sector. He scoffed at me. Well, sir, I may no longer be employed in the Christian sector, but I'll still be around.

I believe God wants to keep me around here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you SO much to everyone who has prayed for me, offered a kind word, or gone out of your way to try to help me during this time. I couldn't have made it without you!

And, as always, if it weren't for God, I'd be toast. He's my Father who takes impeccably good care of me.