White-collar freebies

I originally meant for this to be a Facebook post, but since it was becoming pretty lengthy in my mind, I decided to post it here instead. I would like to offer you some of the things I've learned during my 20+ years in the American workforce:

1. The world doesn't revolve around you. When you're away from the office, not everyone will miss you. When you make a mistake, not everyone will shame you. Beware of anyone who tries to convince you otherwise. And just know that your company's mission will always be bigger than YOU.

2. The employees who smoke will always be best buddies. The only real way to get into their clique is to smoke with them. (Not recommended.)

3. If you know yourself, you'll do a better job. For example, I've discovered that I'm a kinesthetic learner. I learn by doing. That means I probably won't remember everything I'll read in the training manual. I'll need lots of repetition, trial and error, and the opportunity to ask lots of questions. Then I'll remember how to do the job pretty much for the rest of my life. It's often helpful to communicate what you know about yourself to your supervisor as well.

4. Nepotism will ALWAYS exist. Bosses will play favorites and hire their friends and/or family. Sometimes this is a good thing, because they'll hire people who will do an excellent job. And sometimes this is a bad thing, because they'll hire people who will be very incompetent. Just keep your head down and do YOUR very best work. (And frankly, I depend on God's favor to get me jobs to begin with.)

5. CEOs won't hesitate to bring either their children/grandchildren or their pets to the office. Perhaps it is because they want to show them off, or perhaps it is because they do not wish to pay for a sitter. At any rate, they do this because they own the company; therefore, they can do whatever the heck they want, even if it is disruptive (or annoying) to the work environment. Just go with the flow, or maybe use earbuds/headphones if they're allowed.

6. If you work for a good company, there will ALWAYS be good people around; they will most likely be the ones who are running the company. If you work for a bad company, there might not be good people around for very long; they will most likely be the ones who are about to surprise everybody by resigning.

7. Little details can tell you a lot. For example, if a CEO misspells the name of his own company on his LinkedIn page, that means he is very full of himself and/or that he surrounds himself with people who are afraid of correcting him.

8. When the cat's away, the mouse will ALWAYS play.

9. People will protect what they worship. If they worship their job, they will do everything in their power to defend it and keep it happy. Even if it means sacrificing YOU to keep it happy. (I think Morpheus from The Matrix would say that it's because they're utterly dependent on the system.)

10. Entertainment like Dilbert, The Office, and Office Space are so close to the real thing that it's funny. And it's therapy.

11. Don't be afraid of learning new skills on the job. If you got a college degree about 20 or 30 years ago, the information you learned in the classroom can still serve you well... but technology constantly changes the way people communicate with each other and do business. Pay attention to details like file types, document-creation shortcuts, and even keystrokes on your computer. You never know when a new skill (which may seem like a fad at first) could come in handy later on... or could even build onto another skill that you'll need later on.

12. Some jobs come with a lower or higher rate of pay for a reason. Work that requires analytical thinking pays more, and work that isn't rocket science pays less. It's all good work, but it's also good to know that your coworkers at a lower-paying job may not get or want your higher-thinking conversation.

13. There will ALWAYS be people gossiping in the workplace, even if it's explicitly against company policy.

14. Sometimes there will be somebody in the workplace who is like a declawed cat. This person is soft and delicate on the outside but doesn't hesitate to bite when provoked, and they have no outside survival skills. This means that they probably couldn't get a job somewhere else if their life depended on it, so they'll probably be working in the same place forever. This usually occurs because their coworkers/supervisors coddle them and enable all of their babyish behavior. You can definitely be loving, gracious, and kind to this person, but you should otherwise avoid them like the plague. Especially if they try to curl up on your lap only to hiss at you if you make one false move.

15. There will ALWAYS be somebody in the workplace -- at least one person -- who does hard, honest work and who is emotionally mature enough to handle it all. You should make it your goal to be more like this person. Make friends with them, get to know them, and learn as much as you can from them.