I'm learning a lot of interesting things during this season that can
definitely come in handy later. For example, creditors are a lot like
Pharisees. They seem very interested in you as long as you do things their way
(e.g., making a minimum payment every month), and if you go above and beyond
(e.g., making a one-time really big payment), they'll send you a birthday card
and call you "family."
But if you fall behind, there's pretty much zero grace (well, maybe
just for one month). If you fall very behind, they'll lecture you like a child
and hunt you down like a criminal (kind of like a preacher behind a pulpit
during a witch hunt). They'll harass you over the phone (like a spiritually
abusive church lady) until you pay up. They'll make ridiculous demands like,
"Hey, we can cut your debt in half! All you have to do is pay $2,600... in
90 days." (Like a delusional pastor who makes everyone in his church win
one person to the Lord every six months.) Um, yeah, I can't even afford to buy
coffee creamer.
Or when you're finally able to make a real payment, and you feel good
about yourself... it's still not enough. The harassing phone calls start all
over again, in addition to the snail mail letters and the registered letters, because
you're still behind. And when you finally call them back and explain that you
can only afford to pay a tiny little amount every month... they're like,
"Oh, well," and completely drop you out of their thoughts. (Like a
bunch of "church" people who kick you to the curb while you're going
through a rough patch.)
K, fine. I don't need this in my life, anyway. I'm just looking forward
to maybe buying coffee creamer again someday.
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I've been revisiting the idea of getting a tattoo. Then I look
down at my mauled arm and realize that MeepMeep already gives me little tattoos
every day. (For free!)
My little cat is ferociously affectionate. It can be painful for me,
but I know that she's only expressing love in the way that she knows how. And I
wouldn't have her any other way.
Every cat that I've owned (including *Puff, the angry kitten who ran
away when I was four years old) hasn't been a huge fan of human affection... except
for MeepMeep. She actually lets me hold her sometimes for extended periods of
time. So, if her little affection-package includes a few scabs on my arm(s),
and if I know that those are like little love-pats, I will take them.
*I normally don't use my pets' real names on my blog, but Puff really
was his name. And he was insane.
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About 20 years ago, I was sitting in a small-group type of setting, and
the icebreaker question was, "Which one of the 12 disciples do you most
feel like right now?" I said Nathanael, the guy who was under the fig
tree. If you'd ask me that question now, I'd say Peter.
I like how the Bible gives some people privacy, and yet it airs out
other people's dirty laundry. Reading and learning about Peter's dirty laundry
gives me hope. I mean, Peter was the only disciple who 1) rebuked Jesus and got
"Get behind me, Satan" in reply 2) chopped off somebody's frickin'
EAR out of zealousness for Jesus 3) ended up denying that he even knew Jesus 4)
was totally forgiven and restored by Jesus and 5) ended up becoming an expert
in shepherding.
Yeah, that's right. The overly passionate, gruff fisherman guy ended up
authoring 1 Peter, the epistle in the Bible that we go to when we want to know
how to lead people at church: "Shepherd the flock of God which is among
you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest
gain but eagerly" (1 Peter 5:2).
From wild zealous guy to meek no-nonsense pastor. That is Peter's
story. That is my current inspiration.
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Early this morning, I woke up from a dream in which somebody came into
my house and started shooting people. (I know I dreamed this as a result of
reading too many news articles.) From what I can remember, my birth family was
in the house. I went back to sleep and dreamed a follow-up dream in which I got
shot, and I was very grieved that I didn't get a chance to tell my grandfather
something (from what I can remember, he was in the house as well). My birth
parents basically escorted the shooter around the house and let him have his
way. At the end of the dream, I was crying to my birth mother like a toddler.
Then I woke up.
I know what the dreams mean. (I have dreams like this every once in a while.) The people who raised me were abusive.
John 10:10 says that the devil is a thief who steals, kills, and destroys.
Abusive parents basically just hand over their children to the devil and let
him have his way with them.
Then their children grow up and become badasses. And God wields them
like little weapons and points them right back at the devil.
I've felt like God has been talking to me a tiny bit about the year
2019. He's said, "I'm going to take back what is Mine." So, I'm very
much looking forward to 2019 (even though this year still has quite a way to
go), because I think it's going to be a royally awesome year.
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