Interview

(On a hot almost-summer day, a crowd of people is gathered outside at a park. Upbeat techno music plays. A reporter, holding a microphone, is standing with the blogger and looking into a TV camera.)

REPORTER: Hi, there, everyone. This is Petunia Paul-Tree reporting at Salad Fast '18. I'm here with Tirzah, who has recently broken her fast. Hi, there, Tirzah. (points the microphone at the blogger's face throughout the conversation)

TIRZAH: Sup?

REPORTER: So, tell everyone at home about this event you've just completed. What exactly is Salad Fast '18?

TIRZAH: Well, Petunia, God and I started a tradition of me doing a salad fast every year. The first two weeks of June, I will eat only salads for meals and snacks.

REPORTER: I see. And how long have you been observing this tradition?

TIRZAH: Since 2013.

REPORTER: So, then, this is actually the sixth annual Salad Fast.

TIRZAH: You got it.

REPORTER: Wonderful. Now, is this some kind of religious observance, like Lent or Ramadan?

TIRZAH: No, not exactly. It's sort of like a family tradition with just me and God. This year was a little different because the fast happened on June 2nd through the 15th instead of the 1st through the 14th.

REPORTER: I see. And was there anything else that made Salad Fast '18 unique?

TIRZAH: Yes. This year, I felt like God told me that I could make a salad out of anything -- if I could mix it up and pour salad dressing over it, it was a salad.

REPORTER: Wow. That's kind of a stretch, isn't it?

TIRZAH: Not really. Have you ever heard of fruit salad?

REPORTER: (chuckles) Of course.

TIRZAH: That's fruit chopped up and mixed together.

REPORTER: OK...

TIRZAH: Or potato salad?

REPORTER: Well, yes. That's--

TIRZAH: Boiled potatoes mashed up and mixed together with mustard and/or mayonnaise.

REPORTER: I see. So, what sort of creations did you come up with this year?

TIRZAH: Well, I believe your producer was provided with a little graphic that I put together that shows some of the meals I had. I made quite a few salads with the traditional ingredients -- mostly spinach, tomatoes, and hard-boiled eggs.

REPORTER: (chuckles) You must really like spinach.

TIRZAH: (laughs like Popeye) Yes, but honestly I bought it the first week because the store was out of the type of lettuce I wanted to buy.

REPORTER: (mouth drops open) You're kidding.

TIRZAH: You know, I kind of think that's one thing that God wanted to reinforce during the fast -- because He uses a lot of symbolism with me whenever I fast. There's a verse in the Bible, Romans 8:28, that says that God uses all things for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.

REPORTER: And that's you.

TIRZAH: Exactly. So, when God mixes up the ingredients of my life, so to speak, He uses whatever is available to Him. Sometimes things don't work out the way He had originally planned, for whatever reason, and so I really think He just mixes everything up all together like a Master Chef and makes something awesome.

REPORTER: I see. So, He's like a culinary Genius.

TIRZAH: Yes, Petunia, the original Genius. And this year when I created my salads, I could use whatever ingredients were available to me. I chopped or shredded them up, mixed them together, and poured some kind of dressing over it.

REPORTER: Like bananas and toast covered in French dressing, I see.

TIRZAH: Yes, a banana, toast, and a hard-boiled egg most mornings for breakfast. Toward the end, I even ripped up some corn tortillas and pulverized some Cheez-Its for lunch.

REPORTER: (laughs) Oh, my.

TIRZAH: Yeah. Right now, money is really tight for me, and I couldn't afford to buy all of the usual salad ingredients that I normally would. So, I used whatever I had in my pantry, and I made it work. There were a couple of times when I got to eat restaurant-prepared salads, and there was one day at work when pizza was provided--

REPORTER: Oh! That must have been a temptation for you.

TIRZAH: Well, it worked out, because they had salad, too, so I just ripped up a couple of pieces of pizza and used them as croutons. And nobody gave me a hard time about it.

REPORTER: Or maybe they didn't even notice.

TIRZAH: Maybe. But I think my absolute favorite was the one where I ripped up a couple of pieces of fried chicken and a roll, and I mixed it all with some tomato and poured ketchup over it as a dressing.

REPORTER: (scowling) And you considered that to be a salad that was acceptable for a fast?

TIRZAH: (smiling and nodding) Apparently God did, too.

REPORTER: I see. And did you and He have any particular deep times in prayer, as people who are fasting often do?

TIRZAH: No, not really. But He did say that I was entering into a season of contradictions. And I gotta say, I think my fried-chicken salad was an example of a contradiction. Was it a salad (uses air quotes), or was it a fried-chicken bowl?

REPORTER: Hmm. That is a deep question.

TIRZAH: And do I work 40 hours a week at a job (uses air quotes), or is it just a way to earn a paycheck while I'm waiting to do what I really want to do?

REPORTER: Another deep question. (looks at camera) And you heard it here, folks. (looks back at the blogger) Anything else you'd like to tell the folks at home about this year's fast?

TIRZAH: Well, Petunia, in addition to the salads, I also felt like God wanted me to not listen to music while I drive, like I usually do -- except on Saturdays, when I observed my Sabbaths.

REPORTER: (nodding) So you could hear yourself think. So, then, Salad Fast '18 was about creativity?

TIRZAH: See, that's what I thought, too, at first. But God showed me that it was really about taking things one day at a time.

REPORTER: Fascinating stuff. Any other deep revelations during this year's fast?

TIRZAH: (shakes head) No, but I think God told me that I would be myself during this fast, and He would be Himself. We spent a lot of time just chatting like a couple of close friends.

REPORTER: Because you are.

TIRZAH: Exactly.

REPORTER: (smiles) Anything else you'd like to tell the folks at home?

TIRZAH: (looks at camera) Um, don't forget to feed your cats?

REPORTER: (laughs) No, I mean, come on. During all of those friendly conversations with your culinary Genius Creator, didn't He give you any big revelations about your future? Like -- and I know your readers are all dying to know -- when are you going to get married and have children?

TIRZAH: (scowls at camera) Seriously? Y'all sent me a gossip reporter?

REPORTER: Come on, now! Do you have your eye on anybody special?

TIRZAH: (smiles at camera) Thank y'all for reading! (twirls the reporter around, grabs her by the collar, and jogs away with her)

REPORTER: (forced to jog along) So long, everyone! This is Petunia Paul-Tree reporting! (laughing) Wow, all that spinach made you really strong!

TIRZAH: (laughs like Popeye)

(Upbeat techno music plays more loudly. Credits roll.)