I have a few different ideas swirling around in my head for this post,
but I’ll try to combine them in a way that makes sense.
Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of web-based cooking shows on YouTube
(each video is usually around 5 to 10 minutes long or so). I’m not a foodie,
honest; it’s just that watching rated-G cooking shows doesn’t make me stumble.
Since I don’t have a mom anymore, it’s nice to get cooking ideas from other
people. And I’ve always enjoyed watching teachers do their thang.
I stumbled on a few shows that are especially interesting: Great Depression Cooking, Trailer Park Cookin, and Simply Sara. When I first started
watching these, I was like... whoa, they cook just like I do. They use what
they have. They don’t have fancy ingredients, so they just make do. And they
don’t get all hoity-toity like the foodies on cable TV shows do; they’re not
ashamed to use the processed foods that you can buy at Dollar Tree.
The host of Trailer Park Cookin
really went off during one of her episodes and was like... when you’re a single
mom who has to feed her kids but makes too much money to qualify for food
stamps, you have to either go to a food bank or buy stuff that’s extra cheap,
and it’s going to be fattening comfort food, so don’t judge me. You go, trailer
park lady. I ate a Slim Jim sandwich for lunch the other day, so I’m right
there with ya.
So, these YouTube shows are entertaining and educational to watch, but
frankly they’re just validating for me.
“The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me -- a prayer to the God of my life.” (Psalm 42:8)
MeepMeep has been in heat this past week, but I think I’ve gotten used
to this process. And I think her overly potent hormones have been working their
way out of her system. The way her condition has been manifesting itself has
been more through separation anxiety and a skyrocketed energy, and less through her little exotic dance. She wakes me up in the middle of the night demanding
affection, and during the day she demands that I play with her. Lately, her
feet will stiffen, and I’ll play with her by twirling her around on the couch
or the floor like a little feline pinwheel. And for those times when she
absolutely needs to bust out in her little exotic dance, I gave her her own
playlist on my phone. (The first song on the list is the “Macarena.” It’s OK to
laugh.)
When she howls for me across the apartment (or even just a few feet
away from me in the same room), I can often calm her down by whistling at her. She’ll usually trot over to where I am and sometimes sniff my lips
(or playfully bite my chin). Trying to convince her that I’m a female human
(rather than a boy cat) has been kind of a slow-going journey, but I’ve been
learning how to handle her because I’ve spent time with her and have gotten to
know her. I think she’s learning that she can trust me because I’ve been
consistent with her. (And later this week when she gets back to normal, she’ll
resume her regular routine and I’ll get to sleep through the night again.)
Of course, the way that God handles me always comes from Him knowing
me, too.
The other day when I got off work and popped a CD into my car’s stereo,
I felt like listening to “Hey,” a Julio Iglesias song from my childhood. I felt
like God wanted me to shut up (rather than sing along) and pay attention to the
first verse so that He could sing it to me. It goes something like... Hey, it’s
wonderful to see you once again, to see you smile and hear you call My name;
there is so much to say. I think I may have ended up singing the chorus to Him,
which goes something like... It’s true; I’ve had so many other loves to share,
but I could close my eyes and You’ll be there; no matter where I go, You are
everywhere.
That was a beautiful car ride home, and God and I enjoyed a very nice
evening together. He’s like my Father, my Husband, my Boyfriend, my Friend, and
my God all wrapped in One.
During most of my “quiet times” at night, lately He’s shown me a
specific psalm to read. He usually ends up sending me to a psalm or a
verse/passage that described my day. During that particular Julio-Iglesias
evening, He led me to Psalm 42 (which is significant to me because that’s my age),
and verse 5 jumped out at me: “The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the
daytime, and in the night His SONG shall be with me.” Because He sang over me.
He knows exactly where I am. He knows exactly what I need. He knows me.
“Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?”
(Song of Solomon 8:5a)
In these days as I’m wrapping up a season of sorts, my prayer is that I’ll
come out of the wilderness leaning on my Beloved. I don’t want to leave this
season bitterly. I don’t want to leave this season defensively. I don’t want to
leave this season fearfully. I want to leave this season in love with and in
awe of the One who has lovingly taken care of me every step of the way.
Wasn’t that the whole point of God taking the Israelites through the
wilderness in the first place? So that they could worship Him? Maybe He
wanted them to learn how to love Him. That’s what happens when you’re dependent
on Someone to feed you your next meal or lead you to your next destination --
in a place where the conditions are so harsh that you would surely die
otherwise.
You bond with them forever.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy for putting myself through all this. I
wonder if I’m just being foolish or immature. But what if I actually heard God?
What if I’m actually just obeying Him? What if I’m really just following Him?
What if He’s actually leading me very meticulously through very rough terrain?
And what if this is my one chance to get it right?
Knowing that other people have gone through similar rough patches helps
me to validate my own. Seeing how I’ve grown to patiently interact with my little
exotic dancer helps me to understand how God patiently interacts with me
whenever I go a little crazy. Hearing God sing over me in the wilderness just makes it all worth it.
You gotta go through the wilderness to get to the promised land. Ain’t
no way around that. Just hold tight to the One who knows the way.
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