(Hey, the Saturday Night Live writers shouldn't have all the fun.)
1) An ergonomic chair is great, unless you're short. Then it's more like a stool with a footrest.
2) I don't have an "I Brake For Grackles" bumper sticker, but I did use my turn signal for a cluster of grackles once while I was easing out of a parking lot. So, I need to design my own "I Signal For Grackles" bumper sticker.
3) I don't understand those movies where the guy or girl has to go back in time to find romance. I mean, cyber dating would be one thing, but time travel would be downright ridiculous.
4) If misery loves company, then I should probably consider myself blessed when I'm alone.
5) That public restroom in the mall with the sign that says it's "environmentally friendly" kind of defeats the purpose if someone forgets to flush.
6) Recycling is great for the environment, except when the recycling truck is dropping sawdust all over the cars that drive behind it on the highway.
7) If global warming is real and our climate is changing, shouldn't we just abolish Daylight Savings Time? Would it really be healthy to stay outdoors for an extra hour, soaking up the UV rays?
8) If dog is man's best friend, then man must really like friends that slobber and eat their own poop.
9) Cats don't make very good role models. I mean, if I spent 90% of my shift at work napping in my cubicle and purred like a chainsaw while my boss was chewing me out, I'd be in serious trouble.
10) If your car gets stuck in the snow and you use kitty litter to make traction for your tires and get your car moving again, wouldn't it be dangerous to just leave the kitty litter out there on the road? Wouldn't Fluffy get confused and try to do his business in front of everybody during rush hour?
11) I don't understand the concept of owning a pet rat. Why would someone want a creature that has its own specific kind of poison?
12) They should breed a type of fish that you can pet underwater. And a fish that purrs. A fish that's kind of like a cat-- Oh. Wait a minute...
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