Originally posted 1/4/09 - Hey! Are you toleratin' me?

Excuse me for not being politically correct, but I'm not so crazy about this concept of "tolerance," or at least its terminology. And tolerance, of course (my understanding of its definition, anyway), is the concept of putting up with people and their ideas, etc., no matter how different they are from you.

I used to think that tolerance was all a bunch of baloney until I spent some time in West Texas and met some people who probably inspired this entire concept. Yes, there are still hicks who emerge from the middle of nowhere and assimilate into society. (Unfortunately, it ain't always pretty.) One day, I was quite shocked to hear a newspaper editor declare, "Everyone in Dallas is a bunch of liars." (For the full effect, pronounce that last word as "lah-erz.") I can understand that this guy was probably expresssing frustration, but it was a rather large office, and he was risking offending people unnecessarily. Come to think of it, I don't remember him telling me goodbye or wishing me well when I left that newspaper job to move to Dallas several months later.

Now, if I had expressed exactly how I had felt, which was, "Everyone in West Texas is a bunch of backwoods, backwards hicks," of course I wouldn't have been accurate, because I do know some folks in that part of the country who are nice enough to give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. But I publicly held my tongue mainly because it wouldn't be wise to offend people unnecessarily and because I don't appreciate it when people show me a lack of respect.

And that's really the gist of it. I'd like to propose that instead of "tolerance," we call it "social respect," because I don't think "tolerance" has a positive connotation. I mean, when people see me coming, I don't want them to think, "Oh, here comes Tirzah. I have to tolerate her." I want them to think, "I have to respect Tirzah because I appreciate it when people respect me." I mean, there are a lot of things that I tolerate because I otherwise can't stand them. Like the fact that my downstairs neighbor smokes indoors and the cigarette odor floats into my apartment, and then I have to crank up my air purifier, spray air freshener in every room, open some windows, etc. I tolerate it because I know that my neighbor will possibly move out in a year after the lease is up.

From a Christian standpoint, Jesus did say that loving your neighbor as yourself is the second greatest commandment. I don't think it's an accident that the word "neighbor" is used for this. I'm sure God knows that the people who live closest to us are the ones who can get under our skin the most. :) And as far as tolerance/social respect goes, I'm not talking about accepting it when people overtly sin according to what's in the Bible (adultery, homosexuality, idolatry, etc.), and that's probably another topic of discussion altogether. I'm just talking about being sensitive about the words that we allow to spew out of our mouths when we're talking about people. And I'm talking about our attitude towards people who are different than us.

And while I'm on a PC subject, I think one's attitude is what really matters here. For instance, I had a conversation once with a black friend of mine in which I referred to her as an African-American woman. She got very angry and told me not to throw that "African-American crap" in her face because she had never been to Africa. I apologized, and I learned the hard way that lots of people prefer the term "black" (especially in the Dallas area).

Yet recently, I met some church people from Irving, and while I was at their house, a little boy announced proudly throughout the evening, "I'm half African-American." I replied, "I'm half Hispanic." (If I had said, "I'm half Mexican," it would have been accurate, and I used to work with a half-Nicaraguan chick who insisted on this accuracy. But to my mother, who is originally from Mexico, "Mexican" has a bad connotation because of the malicious attitude that people displayed towards her and other Texas Hispanics before the Civil Rights Movement.) And... OH! I shouldn't have gotten myself started on how we half-ethnics are more in the minority than the minorities themselves, but I'll have to save that discussion for another blog post. :">

Anyway, my point is that our attitude matters, and I think it's more important to respect someone than it is to "tolerate" them. After all, I appreciate it when others do the same for me. :) And that ain't no baloney.