War revisited

Due to the graphic nature of the subject matter that I plan to discuss, this particular post is rated R. In my previous post about spiritual warfare, I talked about the invisible weapons that God has given us to fight an invisible war... and about how that particular war can get downright disgusting because, well, war by its very nature is downright disgusting. God reminded me recently of another weapon that I've used. It's very much like a chainsaw.

I don't own a chainsaw, and I've never used a chainsaw, but from what I understand, they're noisy, they can be pretty darn effective, and they can cause a ton of damage really quickly. I've never seen chainsaw movies, but there has been at least one horror made about a crazy person killing people with a chainsaw. I definitely would NOT recommend watching these types of movies, but suffice it to say, I can definitely imagine how scary it would be to have a lunatic racing at you with a chainsaw. I mean, just one little BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT and you're a goner. That's it. Game over. Check, please.

When Paul and the other epistle-writers wrote the Bible, chainsaws didn't exist yet, so they didn't include a chainsaw in the list of classic spiritual warfare armor. But, in a roundabout way, there is a BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT chainsaw listed in the Bible. Check it out.

"Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, 'Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.' " (Revelation 12:10-11)

The noisy, effective, damaging chainsaw-like spiritual weapon that we have as believers in Christ is our TESTIMONY. I'm not a Bible study expert, so I can't say for sure, and frankly I don't take notes during sermons because I absorb the information better if I'm not constantly writing stuff down. But I think I heard a sermon recently that said that our TESTIMONY is the Bible. And that makes total sense, because it's a Book that's full of stories of how God helped people and how He powerfully rescued people and about how, BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT, Jesus won forever. That's it. Game over. Check, please. Oh, wait. Jesus already paid the check. Even cooler.

But I also think that the TESTIMONY that Revelation 12 talks about is also, well... it's our individual TESTIMONY. It's your TESTIMONY. It's your neighbor's TESTIMONY. That's a fancy way of saying "God helped me" or "God changed me" or "God saved me" or "God came through for me, and BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT in your face, devil, you need to shut up and stop accusing me." Check it out.

"But David said to Saul, 'Your servant used to keep his father's sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lamb from its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.' Moreover David said, 'The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.' And Saul said to David, 'Go, and the Lord be with you!' " (1 Samuel 17:34-37)

Mental note: Don't mess with a shepherd. (Also mental note: Jesus is the Great Shepherd.) In a nutshell, what's happening in 1 Samuel 17 is the entire backstory that's building to David killing Goliath. From what I understand, Israel at the time was at war with the Philistines. The Philistines' MVP was Goliath, who was a huge giant with huge weapons. On a regular basis, he would openly dare any one of the soldiers of Israel to fight him. Was he kidding? He could easily snap any of them like a toothpick. Of course, everyone in Israel's army was scared spitless. So, David -- who was a shepherd, not an official soldier -- comes along to give his soldier-brothers some food, and he hears about this defiance-dare scare tactic that Goliath has been doing. So, David speaks up and is like, "Uh, hello, this is GOD'S army. Who does this Goliath fool think he is?" Then David's brother and some other people are like, "Shut up, little David. You don't know anything. You're too small to fight. Leave the fighting to us scaredy-cat bigwigs who already know how to fight."

So, King Saul hears about the commotion that little David has stirred up in the camp, and he sends for David. So, David is like, "Please don't let this Philistine jerk scare you. I can fight him." So, King Saul is like, "Little David, Goliath is a mean grown-up who will eat you for breakfast. You can't fight him." Then David insists with his TESTIMONY. (I like how he basically says the same thing 3 times in a row.) "No, your majesty, I know what I'm talking about. I've killed a lion and a bear -- 'cause that's what you do when you're a shepherd tending sheep all by yourself with nobody but God to help you -- and I can kill this Philistine turd, too." Then King Saul, after hearing David's TESTIMONY, agrees to let David fight Goliath. And, of course, little David conquered humongous Goliath with God's help. David had faith, but he also had a relationship with God (as you can see in all the songs he wrote that are in the Bible), and he knew that He was going to help him.

Can you see how David's TESTIMONY came in handy during what, in a nutshell, was spiritual warfare? Check it out.

Lie: "You're prideful and cheeky. There's no way any of us could ever fight this giant. You're outmatched by this skilled warrior."

Testimony: "No, God rescued me from being destroyed by a lion and by a bear. God's army needs to be defended from this Philistine creep. Therefore, God will help me fight him just like He's helped me fight wild monsters in the past." BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT!

Light bulb: "Oh! Now I can see how powerful God is. If He's gonna be with you, then go for it!"

Victory. That's it. Game over. Check, please. See how effective and destructive David's testimony was? And did you catch how much opposition there was to David speaking up in the first place? In 1 Samuel 17:28-33, David meets some naysayers who are trying to shut him up and possibly trying to make him think that he's full of crap. But he persists because He knows who his God is. See how powerful a testimony is? See how important it is to speak up at the proper time?

Here's the balance. There usually is a proper time and place to share a testimony. The Bible says that church services need to take place decently and in order. For example, it would be extremely inappropriate of me to stand up in the middle of a church service and interrupt my pastor's sermon by loudly saying, "Hey, let me tell everybody what God did for me!" I think this may also be one reason why proselytizing is against many secular companies' policy. I don't think my employer would appreciate it if I were to interrupt my coworker at their cubicle and loudly shout, "Would you like to hear about how Jesus healed me from the shameful things that ushers did to me in darkened church offices?!" However, if I were to invite a friend to dinner and have a heart-to-heart with her, and if she wanted to listen to me, it would definitely be appropriate to say unabashedly to this friend who is trying to get to know me, "I would love to tell you about how God healed me from depression. How much time do you have?"

But in general, I really think if people are telling you to NOT share your testimony, or to NOT share certain aspects of your testimony, that's a red flag. (Oh, brother. Is Tirzah blogging about spiritual abuse again? Possibly.) I'm not saying that you shouldn't check your heart from time to time. If people are like, "Hey, I really wish you had gotten my permission before sharing that part of your story that involved me, because it was kinda embarrassing to get that out in the open," that's one thing to deal with, and you definitely need to be mature and sensitive about subjects that are, well, mature and sensitive. And constantly allow God to show you areas where you may need to forgive people and areas where He may still need to squeeze out some bitterness. Otherwise, being told something like, "When you shared your testimony, you made us look bad" and feeling suddenly scared after feeling suddenly triumphant, well, that's a huge red flag. I'm definitely NOT saying that you should force people to hear your testimony (otherwise, that would be an extremely huge red flag), but I'm saying that I don't think the devil/enemy/accuser likes it when we share our testimonies. (Also, wouldn't people who care about you WANT you to grab the most available weapon to defend yourself during a sudden attack, even if the most available weapon happens to be a chainsaw? Why should people who care about you snatch a necessary weapon away from you?)

Dennis Jernigan, for example, seemed to have encountered some opposition. He's a prolific songwriter and an awesome worship leader. I became familiar with some of his music when I was in college. A huge part of his TESTIMONY was that God set him free from homosexuality. I recently started reading a book that he wrote, and he has shared some majorly serious things so far, like how he dove headfirst into a homosexual lifestyle after a failed suicide attempt. But back in college, I purchased a couple of his piano songbooks. In one of his songbooks, he wrote the meanings/stories behind a few of his songs. Regarding his song titled "What Will People Think?" he explained that he became a bit unpopular for openly sharing his TESTIMONY. He explained that people told him that openly sharing his TESTIMONY would be "detrimental" for his "ministry." But Dennis Jernigan wrote, "If all who have been redeemed would just be honest and say so, then many others would realize they don't have to live in the misery of sin."

So, as I began to read Dennis Jernigan's book, and as he shared his TESTIMONY, I came across a bit of information that particularly stuck out at me. He wrote that the sex drive is a creative drive. He explained that he has a creative calling on his life, and that the enemy knew that if he were to attack his sex drive, he could pervert and destroy the creative works that God designed for him to do. Reader, if you've kept up with my blog posts recently, you'll see that the enemy perverted me kind of similarly in this area as well, and if you've read any of my writing, you'll see that God definitely designed me to be creative.

Can you see how dangerous Dennis Jernigan's TESTIMONY has been in my life in particular? Check it out.

Lie: "You have homosexual tendencies that will never go away. You're a worshiper, and you're constantly surrounded by created things, so you'll worship those created things until the day you die. There's no escaping this destiny, because you've got insatiable desires inside you that will keep you miserable forever."

Testimony: "No, God rescued Dennis Jernigan from homosexuality. No wonder his songs are so powerful and intimate. He has powerful encounters with God who he's desperately sought, and he knew that only Jesus could heal him. His well is deep. And now he's married to a woman, and they have 9 kids." BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT!

Light bulb: "Oh! If Dennis Jernigan can know freedom after plunging headfirst into a homosexual lifestyle, and all I had was a generational iniquity, non-sexual heterosexual rapes, and a tiny bit of occasional confusion, and if all of us have access to Jesus who died for every sin imaginable, then He can definitely help me know freedom, too. I am definitely NOT doomed to homosexuality. I am definitely NOT doomed to creative frustration. God gave me insatiable desires for things like intimacy and creativity that He will either satisfy Himself or give me people to have them satisfied with in either a covenant-heterosexual-marriage way or a platonic-friendship way, but the things I feel inside don't scare Him away, and they don't have to be my gods, and He wants me to submit my drives and my desires to Him. HE'S God. Therefore, I am not a screw-up who should give up. If God helped Dennis Jernigan in his wildly deep desire to be loved and accepted, then He can help me, too."

Victory. That's it. Game over. Check, please. See how effective, destructive, and powerful a testimony is? Can you see why the enemy would fuel opposition to people openly sharing their testimonies when the time and place are proper and appropriate? Maybe the devil/enemy/accuser doesn't like it when deep lovers of Jesus charge at him with lunatic fires in their eyes and raging chainsaws in their hands. BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT!

A TESTIMONY isn't just dangerous during a one-on-one confrontation between me and the devil. For example: "You can't take care of yourself, and you'll be a whiny baby forever." "No, I won't, and yes, I can. God helped me move into this apartment with professional movers and haulers all by myself because I'm an adult, even if I spent 11 hours cleaning my old apartment and it took a month for the swelling to go down in my wrists and feet from all the odds-and-ends labor. I cleaned up my own mess. BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT! I'm not a loser. I'm more than a conqueror, even if it's hunched over a bathtub scraping up ancient soapscum with a plastic spoon. I have a God who helps me." A TESTIMONY is dangerous because it simultaneously shuts up the devil/enemy/accuser, helps to open your eyes, and helps to open other people's eyes.

Hearing other people's stories and the revelations that God gives them during their journeys enables me to also learn information that can help me. So, when things happen like when I'm trying to have a quiet time and I sit down and start strumming my guitar, but I have trouble getting the words and the music out, and I hear myself tell God, "I feel impotent," not in a rated-X way but in a Daddy-Your-little-girl-can't-express-herself-to-You-right-now-and-she-doesn't-know-why-and-it-scares-her way, it's less confusing. It helps me to remember that other people have had intimacy issues during their journey, and it helps me let God slice me open and rearrange some things. Then next thing I know, I'm strumming away and singing loudly enough to my Father for the neighbors to possibly wonder what the heck kind of new people have moved into the apartment with the cats staring at them in the window.

I don't have a picture of a chainsaw to show you, but I did display a picture of a fork at the beginning of this post. Very recently, I bought new silverware (simple little things that I bought in bundles for $1), and the other night, I was eating with this new fork that has a metallic scar on its front. After I finished my meal and noticed the blemish, I was like, "Awww, this fork's had a hard life." The metallic scar didn't impede the fork's purpose. I was able to eat with it just fine. (And yes, in case of a major emergency, I could probably also use the fork as a weapon if I needed to. Don't mess with a shepherd.)

I admire people who talk about their scars. (The balance, of course, is that I will usually run from people who point at their stinky infected scars and try to force me to listen to them talk about it for hours at a time.) Knowing that people have scars because God has rescued them from some crazy stuff encourages me, because it reminds me that God can rescue me, too. And I'm also encouraged that the scars won't stay there forever.

I have scars, too. They don't block me from being a person who God designed for His purposes. Sure, He's healing my scars, but meanwhile, check out the shiny ones I've got etched on my face (I mean metaphorically), if doing so will point you to the One who's in the process of healing them. But be forewarned that I know how to use an invisible chainsaw. BUZZ-SLICE-SPLAT!