Show 'em what you're made of

About 3 months ago, I got my wisdom teeth removed, and, of course, I blogged about it. Please feel free to catch up on the first post here and the second post here, if you like. (Unless, of course, you feel that reading about my rotting wisdom teeth is TMI; in which case, please feel free to skip my description of my newly posted photo.) Here you see a photo of my mouth. There in the shadowy spot behind my left molar is the gradually filling-up hole in my jaw where my left-bottom wisdom tooth used to be. My oral surgeon and his nurse explained to me that I had to take very good care of the 2 bottom gum-holes in my jaw so that they wouldn't become infected or injured after the teeth extractions. I had to be careful to not allow the blood clots deep in the bottom of my gum-holes to dislodge, or I could develop a condition called dry socket, which means that the nerves in my jaw would be continually exposed and continually screaming for mercy.

About a month after my surgery, I visited my regular dentist, who confirmed that my gum-holes were healing nicely, and he briefly explained that the healing happens "from the bottom up." My gum-holes have been gradually filling with new jawbone, from the bottom up, and it's important to keep them clean during the process.

And, of course, a metaphor was born inside my head.

"When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept, and put in order. Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter and dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first." (Matthew 12:43-45a)

After God pulls out a metaphorical rotting tooth out of my life, e.g., demons, strongholds, bad habits, terrible attitudes, etc., I need to fill up my metaphorical gum-hole with metaphorical new jawbone. Of course, the filling needs to be God's word. I think it heals from the bottom up: the blood clot would be God's truth.

For example, if God reveals and removes a lie in my life such as "Nobody will ever accept me," I need to replace it with God's truth such as these Bible verses: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ... to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:3, 6)

If I'm feeling lonely and I don't know what to do about it, maybe if I'm wrestling with a lie such as "Nobody will ever want to be around me," I need to replace it with God's truth such as this Bible verse: "Jesus answered and said to [Judas], 'If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.' " (John 14:23)

If metaphorical growing pains occur while metaphorical new jawbone is forming, and I freak out when somebody is wildly celebrated and I am not, and those old neglect and orphan wounds are flaring up at the old, still-healing roots, I can soothe them with God's truth like this Bible verse, where the Father in the prodigal son parable calms down the tantrumy older brother: "And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours.' " (Luke 15:31)

I am always with God, and all that He has is mine. I want that to be enough for me.

It's been fun and relieving to see areas in my life where my metaphorical new jawbone has been forming. My soul-catastrophes have shrunken. My fires have snuffed out quicker. My crises have been smaller. My freakout sessions have been shorter. For example, one day at work, God was like, "It took you 6 hours to get angry today." I used to get angry at my cubicle as soon as I'd arrive at work and open my Outlook. He's been showing me progress. And it's been all Him doing it.

"And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 8:2-3)

When God leads us into the wilderness, He wants to see what we're made of. It's sort of like a boot camp. In a way, He allows everything that was precious to us to be stripped off us, like Job. And in the hot, blazing sun, God lances every single one of the boils that have covered us from head to toe. Perhaps with each lancing, the enemy is right there waiting for us to curse God and die. And God, in His extreme, eternal faithfulness, is believing and declaring, "Nope, this one is going to make it. You'll see, enemy. And then she'll kick your butt, because My Son kicked your butt long before she was even born. And now she hates your guts more than she can do justice to describe on a tiny little blog post." Anyway, that's Tirzah's version of life in the wilderness.

Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, of course, and in Matthew 4, we all got to see what He was made of. He resisted very crafty temptations with flying colors. Then after we accept the sacrifice He made for us on the cross, we get to resist temptations, too. He helps us win.

Further back in the Bible, the Israelites spent a heck of a lot of time out in the wilderness. God taught them all kinds of things while He whipped them into shape, so to speak. He really was so good to them out there. He kept them fed with manna, He gave them water, He kept them organized with leadership, and He shepherded them with Moses, of all people. I could write forever about how awesome Moses was, but I would truly digress.

I think God found out who His friends really were among the Israelites, too, while they were in the wilderness. (I'm not a Bible scholar, but you're about to get Tirzah's cliffs-notes version of what happened.) God was like, "Hey, come hang out with Me on the mountain." The Israelites were like, "Uh, no, thanks. Moses can talk to You for us." Aaron and Miriam were like, "Hey! How come Moses gets to be the leader and not us?" God was like, "Uh, because I said so, and, oh, look, now you have leprosy." The Israelites were like, "Bleep this stupid manna. We want meat." And God was like, "Oh, My manna isn't good enough for you? Fine. I'll give you so much meat, you'll be sick of it." Even Moses accidentally dissed God in the wilderness. He hit a rock instead of speaking to it (so that the Israelites could get some water), and God disciplined him by keeping him in the wilderness. But I'm pretty sure Moses' mistake was redeemed, and I'm pretty sure he let God restore him, because He got to hang out with Elijah and Jesus in Matthew 17. And Moses' song is sung in heaven. I think that's awesome.

Speaking of Elijah, he escaped to the wilderness after Jezebel freaked him out, and he found God there. In His still, small voice, God was like, "What are you doing? You're Elijah! You rock! Shake this off and go kick some Jezebel!" (That was Tirzah's version of what really happened in 1 Kings 19.)

Yes, the wilderness, the desert, trials, and all of the above are very important processes that God uses to shape who we are and draw us closer to Him. However, I think sometimes the wilderness is put on a pedestal unnecessarily and almost unhealthily. I've heard people say things like, "Yeah, I like trials because God is, like, right there" or "Who wants to be up on the mountain? I prefer the valley." Well, I'm glad to hear that you enjoy being close to God and pitching a tent in the valley of the shadow of death. But that's not all there is to living a life with God.

"The Lord is near to ALL who call upon Him, to ALL who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them." (Psalm 145:18-19, emphasis mine)

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms." (James 5:13)

See? You don't have to go through a hard time in order to be near to God. The wilderness isn't necessarily supposed to last forever. I think the wilderness is simply supposed to have a purpose that's supposed to last for a season. The wilderness is a place where God tests our faith in Him and our devotion to Him. I also think the wilderness is a place where we find out who are friends really are.

Anytime I've gone through a hard time, I've been able to see what's inside the hearts of the people around me, and I haven't always liked what I saw. I'll see it from the things they say, the things they do, or the things they don't say, or the things they don't do. It can be an extremely disappointing process, actually, on top of already going through a hard time.

Maybe my wilderness is also God's way of identifying my bad friends and removing them from my life. Sometimes when people weigh you down, you gotta just let 'em go. When you grow up surrounded by terribleness, you develop a tolerance for terribleness that's so huge, you won't realize that terribleness is terribleness. The wilderness is a great place to be alone with God and your issues, and sometimes He holds up a mirror or shows you an annual report or emails you the screenshot of an error message, and He shows you where something needs to be adjusted. He waves a red flag and says, "This is not OK." And sometimes that can take a while to sink in. Seeing how terrible many of my friendships were was kinda like that.

For example, after I vulnerably shared with one friend about how badly I was hurting because I didn't have a mother anymore, she basically said, "Oh, read books. The authors can be your mothers and fathers." And another one bites the dust: insensitive friend.

In a previous wilderness from several years ago, I walked with another friend who gave me a ton of spiritual instruction, left town, came back into my life again, caught up with me a bit, and then dropped off the face of the earth again. And another one bites the dust: unreliable friend.

One time, I shared with an old college friend about my dream of being a novelist. I had begun a draft, and I'd been working on it, and then I told her about it. She said, "Well, it'll be a good learning experience." And then she laughed. And another one bites the dust: mocking friend.

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper." (Psalm 1:1-3)

"The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray." (Proverbs 12:26)

"He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed." (Proverbs 13:20)

While I've been coming to terms with my rejection, my abandonment, and my loneliness, and while God has been helping me punch all of that in the face, I've noticed that I don't have mockers holding me back anymore. Dang, that's a liberating feeling. I think the person in Psalm 1 is blessed not only because they delight on and meditate on God's word but because they don't have scornful mockers squelching out their dreams constantly. How am I going to bear fruit in due season if I have jerky people around me stomping out my dream-sprouts to death? I hope this doesn't sound cruel, but there are some friends that can hinder growth, and sometimes you gotta pull 'em out of your life by the roots, as if they were weeds in your garden.

Regarding the mocking friend I mentioned above, God showed me that I had to just let my novel-writing dream die. I have new dreams, and He is teaching me how to cultivate those. And maybe in the future, He'll give me a new novel-writing dream. But I don't want mockers around me to pulverize my dream-embers.

In order for dreams to come true, in order to make it through the wilderness, and in order to just live life in a healthy way, what every person needs is at least one good friend. Of course, Jesus is the ultimate Friend. He will always be there for me, and He will never, ever let me down, and He will never, ever, ever, ever, ever leave me (Hebrews 13:5). But we all need regular, fallible human-being friends, too. In Genesis 2, God said it wasn't good for man to be alone. Yes, He was talking about marriage, but I think He was also talking about being a human being in general. (Ecclesiastes 4 also talks about the necessity of friendship.) I've learned firsthand why it's not good to be alone. Isolation can do crazy things to a person. Having people around helps me keep a healthy perspective. If I have healthy people around me, I can bounce ideas off people and get healthy feedback. If I have people around me, I won't be able to keep my head up my butt, because I'll need to be able to consider the fact that other people are living lives, too. Not everything is about me.

So, the wilderness is a great place to find out who your friends truly are, because the wilderness is a really hard place that you're stuck in for a really long time, and you go through some really crazy stuff that you'll need help processing. I've discovered that I can't talk to just anybody about my dreams, my issues, my triumphs, or my struggles. Some people will make fun of me. Some people will blow me off. Some people won't take me seriously. Some people will flatter me and never find anything wrong with me. But as a human being who wants to be healthy, I need a balance. I need to know who I can lean on when I'm struggling. I need to know who I can count on. I need to know who I can trust to give good advice. Deciding who is healthy for me during the long haul has been a surprisingly liberating feeling.

I think my friend Powerhouse is an excellent example of a long-haul friend who I can count on during a hard time. ("Powerhouse" describes her, but it isn't her real name. It's kinda like her superhero name. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... my friend! Fanfare plays.) Powerhouse certainly isn't perfect, just like I'm certainly not perfect. I've seen many of her blemishes. But I've also seen her change over time as she's allowed God to do plenty of stuff in her life. Iron has sharpened iron, Proverbs 27:17-style. She's sensitive, she's reliable, and she wants to support my pursuit of my dreams. And I hope it's mutual.

Powerhouse isn't just a "Hey, I'm here for you" friend who never shows up. She has consistently shown concern for me and interest in me. And it's mutual. Lately, our schedules have been very incompatible, so we haven't been able to see each other often. But even in the midst of her busy schedule, she'll check on me. And I'll check on her. Technology exists, and we use it to cultivate the garden of our friendship. We want it to grow. We challenge each other, and we follow up on each other. We fight prayer-battles on each other's behalf. We encourage each other. We warn each other. We give each other feedback.

And it isn't always pretty. I'll be like, "I felt neglected." And Powerhouse will be like, "I felt manipulated." And we'll work through it. I know where I stand with her, and she knows where she stands with me. Even in the midst of our crazy schedules, we remember details about each other's lives. Powerhouse is an excellent friend, she's a useful friend, and she's a cherished friend. Powerhouse reminds me of Jesus.

"A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)

From what I understand, Jesus is the Friend that Proverbs 18 talks about. You can be as friendly, social, and popular as you want, but when hard times hit, you'll want to know who will stick close to you for support.

Jesus is the One who never fails to challenge me, correct me, or be there for me. He's the most intimate Friend that I'll ever have, because He's God. I don't think God my Father cares how old I am; if I'm hurting, and I need the type of TLC that a toddler needs when she's hurting, He's going to give it to me. He lets me cry on His shoulder, He speaks words of comfort, He looks out for me, and He spends a tremendous amount of time with me, because He's my Daddy. The Holy Spirit is always around, too, and He's like the Perfect Coach who talks me through things and keeps tabs on things for me and tells me when to do certain things. We enjoy each other's company, and we'll be together forever.

I am always with God, and all that He has is mine. Jesus and the Father have come to make Their home with me. The Holy Spirit is my Perfect Counselor who is always there for me. And I'm OK with that now.

After the rotting teeth are extracted and the gum-holes begin to fill up with new jawbone, there's gonna be pain. And a new, solid structure will be built that will be chiseled and beautiful and strong. Along the way, I'll separate myself from people, I'll bond with other people, and my God will help me sort through it all. Because He's the most sensitive, reliable, supportive Person in the universe, and He always will be.

Honestly, one reason why I don't have a problem typing up long, rambling internet posts is because I think it's a way of identifying long-haul friends. If I only hear complaints about the sincere expressions of my heart, that's a red flag. If I get mocked or ridiculed, that's a deal-breaker. If I hear constructive criticism, that's a gift. Thank you for reading.