Perhaps this blog post
could also be titled "Best."
I decided to get a little
creative with dinner tonight. This is PB&J pie. (Not "pie" in the
sense that something is poured into a breaded crust and baked but more like
"Frito pie" in the sense that something is simply poured over something
else.) Underneath that mound of grape jelly is a huge mound of crunchy peanut
butter. Definitely not the best dinner in the world, but I am thankful for it
to be digesting in my belly. I thought I'd take advantage of the subsequent
sugar high and write about it. Bah-hahaha!!!
Yes, when I took the StrengthsFinder
test, I scored Maximizer and Adaptability. Why do you ask?
"Behold, the eye of
the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy, to deliver
their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine." (Psalm 33:18-19)
I used to have a friend
who invited me to her house a couple of times where her mother had a rather
quirky request for me. Her mother would sit me in front of her piano keyboard,
place sheet music in front of me, and ask me to play music that I'd never
played before.
In musical terms, this
is called sightreading. Sightreading is playing a song for the very first time.
In general, you don't have the luxury of actually knowing how the melody goes.
All you have to go on is the written music in front of you. Sightreading is a
very challenging skill to have; music-school students get tested in sightreading
all the time. (Sightsinging is singing a song for the very first time, and it's
just as challenging, especially if you don't have perfect pitch.) Not everybody
is good at sightreading.
For instance, if you
were to perform a song that you've practiced over and over and over again, it
would probably sound nice and polished, like this:
Deck the halls with
boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la
la
However, if you were to
sightread/sightsing a song, it would probably sound not so nice, like this:
Donk the-- I mean, Deck
the halls with bags of-- Um... Is that bows? Oh, boughs. Boughs of holly
Fa la la... Um... Fa
la... Uh... Sorry, I'm lost. Fa la la la... Ah, I think I get it now. Fa la la
la la, la la la la
Adaptability is one of my
strengths, but sightreading is NOT one of my best skills. So, when my former
friend's mother would ask me to sightread (I guess she did so just for the heck of it?), I would
crash and burn quite thoroughly. Perhaps the Maximizer inside me got rather
offended, too. But my friend's mother was quirkily pleased, and she was kindly
hospitable.
But when I was a guest in her house, she didn't get to
see me at my best. If she had called me a couple of weeks prior and asked me to
prepare a piece and play it for her, I would have had some time to practice (especially if she had let me play one of my original songs on my guitar), and
she would have heard me at my best. She could have seen excellence in motion. I
would have been extremely happy, because I would have been thoroughly myself.
But she seemed to only
want me sightreading, stumbling around on her keyboard. I hope I did the best I
could with what I had.
"And whatever you
do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men..." (Colossians 3:23)
When I was a girl, if I
would strain and overwork myself with something, e.g., a school assignment, and
if I still couldn't get the hang of it, I would get really stressed out. At
that point, my mother would tell me, "Just do the best you can." This
would comfort me. Just doing my "best," AFTER nearly killing myself
to get the job done, would comfort me.
But in recent years,
I've learned that "Just do the best you can," from what I understand,
is exactly what God wants me to do in the first place. He wants me to do my
best, all the time, period. (Yes, God can definitely strengthen me and work
miracles beyond that, but I'm talking about my part here.) I think if anyone
ever asks me to do anything beyond my best, e.g., spinning straw into gold,
sorry, no can do. You gotta do your best with what you have, and what you have
with me is a human being who has one brain, two hands, one backbone, lots of
feelings, and plenty of determination to do her best. She can't do anything
other than be herself.
This is my last official
week of unemployment. But about 6 months ago, before my unemployment was
approved, it seemed that my previous employer wasn't happy about paying my
unemployment benefits. While I was talking to the person from the unemployment
office who was hearing my case, she said that my previous employer told the
unemployment office that I was unable to do my job. In reply, I chuckled a
little bitterly and said, "I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good
enough."
So, my unemployment has
been paid for the past 6 months, and I'm definitely thankful for that. This has
been a very difficult yet very challenging yet very wonderful time of
emotionally detoxing, unlearning bad habits and relearning good habits, and
focusing on finding full-time work. (No worries, PB&J pie will NOT become a
new habit.) I definitely couldn't do what I've done in the past 6 months if I were employed. (I know. I tried.)
Tomorrow, I'm scheduled
to start a weeklong temp job. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to the actual
job itself at all. However, equally honestly, I'm very much looking forward to
collecting a non-unemployment paycheck. I'm truly looking forward to doing 40+
hours of honest work for honest pay. I'm looking forward to being needed at my
post. I'm looking forward to doing my best, regardless of the job, and I'm
looking forward to honoring the people around me. I'm looking forward to
hanging out with God at a cubicle again. Maybe I'm also looking forward to
redeeming myself a little bit. Tirzah isn't incapable. Tirzah is capable. She
does her best with what she has. She has one brain, two hands, one backbone,
lots of feelings, and plenty of determination to do her best. And she has her Daddy's
entire Kingdom available to help her out. She can't do anything other than be
herself, and Daddy's little princess is going to do her best.
Hopefully part 12 will
be me writing about a new full-time job. That would totally rock! Bah-hahaha!!!
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