Conditioning

This post is rated... um, well... I'm going to talk a little bit about sex, but I'm going to try to do so in a way that's as rated-G as possible. If you're extremely sensitive about this subject, or if you have a tendency to "stumble" easily, you might want to consider skipping this post. If you do, I won't be offended, honest.

"Have you entered the treasury of snow, or have you seen the treasury of hail, which I have reserved for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war?" (God administering a verbal spanking in Job 38:22-23)

"He gives snow like wool; He scatters the frost like ashes; He casts out His hail like morsels; who can stand before His cold? He sends out His word and melts them; He causes His wind to blow, and the waters flow." (a psalmist gushing about God's healing goodness in Psalm 147:16-18)

 

This is a picture of my conditioner. I really like what it does to my hair. If I use it like I'm supposed to and leave it in my hair for about a minute before rinsing it out, it will work. However, if I'm in a hurry and I rinse it out before it's had a chance to do its job, I could possibly have a bad hair day. So, conditioner is my friend. I know. I'm a girl.

I deal with seasonal allergies. Last year, I neglected to eat local honey for my allergies, and I've really felt it this year. So, I've been treating them with generic Sudafed-related products. God showed me that by the time I take over-the-counter medicine for my allergies, they're beyond anything that honey can help with. (One time a few years ago, I was coughing my lungs out with possible bronchitis while I was at somebody's house; I mentioned to my hosts that I had allergies, and they offered to give me some local honey to help with them. Uh, no. Probably what I needed by that point were antibiotics.) Meanwhile, I've begun eating local honey again, but I understand that I will need to wait a couple of months or so before I will be able to notice its effects. You see, generic Sudafed-related products are medical treatments. Local honey is conditioning that's designed to help my body not need any medical treatments.

I get it. Local honey is like conditioner: If I want it to work for me, I need to wait for the desired results. See? God knows how to talk to me. I know. I'm a girl.

I'm discovering that so much stuff in God's Kingdom is like conditioner: If I want it to be effective, I need to wait for the desired results. I can't just be in a hurry, rinse it out too soon, and expect it to work right. If I do (and I have), I could get very disappointed, disillusioned, or just become a sitting duck for my enemies to take me out once and for all.

For a while, I've been very fascinated with how the Bible talks about God using hail as a weapon. I think that makes sense: If really big hailstones smack you on the head hard enough, they could kill you. Hail can cause some serious damage. Just ask any Texan insurance adjuster during tornado season.

Today while I was watching snow flurries fall, I thought about how God uses snow as a weapon, too. No, the flurries I saw today didn't stick, and the temperature was above freezing, so the snow didn't cause any damage. But if you just mention the word "snow" to any native Texan right before rush hour, you could possibly witness a live horror movie dance across her face. Even the threat of show can cause some serious damage.

What do hail and snow have in common? Well, they're cold. They're a form of water. And if they melt, they will gradually moisturize anything they touch. I'm not a scientist, but I would say that hail and snow are like a type of conditioner. You could probably water your lawn pretty well with hail or snow; you'd just need to wait for it to melt in order to do its job.

Speaking of jobs, as I've mentioned previously, I work for a periodical that serves the metalworking industry. If you've been following my blog this year, you know that I've been fighting a sex-related addiction. So, a huge part of my battles is trying to NOT think about sex. Well... I've discovered that working for the metalworking industry is often NOT the place to be if you're trying to stop thinking about sex. The metalworking industry uses terms like "mating male and female parts," "self-lubrication," "sliding action," "thrusting," "hardness," etc. See my problem? Oh, good, I felt my ears blush when I typed that. Maybe there's still some innocence there.

So, during the day when I read this type of terminology in my work-related materials, I turn to God, and I'm like, Um... And He just laughs. And I laugh with Him. Apparently, the human reproductive system is a very serious thing, and I need some major comic relief while I'm working through my issues with it.

Last summer while I was unemployed and trying to get free from my sex-related issues simultaneously, God showed me that my issues were suddenly at the forefront because in my next job, I would be around a lot of men. Sure enough, as soon as I got hired, the female secretary was like, Yay, another girl! We women in the office are surrounded by men who are all in charge of us. And I now work in a severely male-dominated industry.

God was right. He knew what would be around the corner. Seriously. I'm a very hormonal woman in her late 30s. All the men in my workplace look attractive to me. Even the married men are attractive to me now. Even the guy in the office across the hall -- the nerdy guy who smells like feet and who I think is gay -- looks attractive to me. I need to watch myself big-time.

And God just laughs. And I laugh with Him.

He's shown me that right now, my life is a slow crawl. Wait -- my life is a     s   l   o   w     c   r   a   w   l     right now. Nothing in my life is happening at lightning speed right now. Things are moving, but at a snail's pace. Wait -- at the pace of a snail carrying 80 pounds of luggage uphill. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that sometimes, lasting change needs to take a very long time to set in -- to truly grow. My life's current season is that "sometimes" right now.

They didn't teach me this stuff at the "If you call the 800 number on your screen, we'll send you your instant life-purpose, and if you call in the next 5 minutes, we'll send you a spouse as a bonus" church environment I hung around in college and shortly thereafter. They didn't really model what to do when God teaches you Psalm-37 type of stuff and makes you really dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness, and when He wants you to spend a really long time pulling out that faithfulness that has deep roots and chewing on it until it's all gone... and then chewing on it again and again and again... like a cow.

Sometimes God will just wave at you with a friendly grin and be like, "Moo." He ain't in no hurry.

So, back to the sex-related addiction that I've been fighting. My pastor (who is an extremely good one, by the way) suggested that I ask God for a strategy on how to fight it. So, when I prayed about it, God was like, "You're asking Me for a band-aid, but what you need is a transfusion." I don't have just a flesh wound; I've had the wrong stuff circulating through my system. Again, I'm not a scientist, but I think a band-aid is a quick fix that is meant to be very temporary; a transfusion is a gradual trading-in of one substance for another.

I think saying one or two prayers, binding one or two demons, or attending one or two church events -- for me -- would be like a band-aid. But developing an extremely close relationship with my Father -- the One who can get me to laugh at the very thing that used to freak me out -- would be like a transfusion. I don't need an over-the-counter medical treatment. I need a gradual reconditioning.

Yeah, He just laughs. And I laugh with Him.

See? God knows how to talk to me. I know. I'm a girl.