Favor-flavored stew

This post will probably have some bits of different things swirling around in it, but I hope the end result will flow together OK. Maybe the dark meat will give way to the white meat, and maybe the gravy will soak into all the bits that are kinda tough to swallow. I hope it won't taste too bitter, but the kitchen sure smells good.

Last night for dinner, I used my Chili's gift card to enjoy a nice sit-down meal. Actually, it wasn't the most pleasant experience in the world, but it at least gave me an idea for this post. I think I need to process some stuff here and get it out of my head. Thanks in advance for reading this and indulging me. (I'll try to not give you indigestion.)

So, last night, I arrived around 5 p.m. at a restaurant that was almost empty but eager to host happy hour. Sorry, I don't drink. I don't go to Chili's very often, but I remember it was the cool place to eat when I was in college. Last night, I realized how much the chain had changed since my college days.

I usually order a hamburger, but this time I decided to try the Country Fried Steak. I had a team of two servers: one main waiter who took my order, and one waitress who I think was supposed to serve me my drink, but I don't really remember her giving me any refills. Anyway, they didn't seem very enthusiastic about me ordering just water. However, I was pretty enthusiastic to try out the Ziosk.

The Ziosk is this nifty little portable iPad-mini type of device on display at your table. Mine had the menu, 99-cent games, and free apps. Since I don't own a smartphone yet, I was in my own little introvert paradise while I browsed USA Today and caught up a tiny bit on random news events.

While I was in my introvert paradise, I'm not sure if I was accidentally giving off my "Don't bother me" vibe, because the servers were mostly ignoring me. I'm hoping they weren't just being lazy and/or simply favoring the other customers who were ordering appetizers and margaritas. Sorry, I just wanted to try the Country Fried Steak. Yikes. Now I know to stay away from that. It was huge and intriguing but way too salty.

While I was looking through the menu, I realized that most of the food that Chili's serves is rather true to its name now: Southwest-style Mexican-food wannabe stuff. Hmm. Personally, I recommend leaving the Mexican food to actual Mexican people to cook for you, because they know what they're doing. (Unless you're Jason's Deli; if that's the case, then everything on your menu is fantástico.) But in my opinion, what the Chili's chain really has going for it is its atmosphere. If your servers ignore your customers, that totally ruins your atmosphere.

So, instead of leaving some candid comments at the Ziosk, I decided to blog. Seriously, if anyone comes into your restaurant, you don't know who you're going to be serving. Why show favoritism to your customers who are ordering appetizers and margaritas? The chick sitting by herself with a mug of icewater and her nose in your Ziosk could be a blogger who decides to never return to your restaurant.

"For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them." (Psalm 44:3)

Speaking of favoritism, I wanted to get some stuff off my chest about my boss. While I've been working for him, I've been learning a lot about submitting to authority, walking in self-control, and functioning in an environment that I don't have any authority to change. I know. It sounds like more fodder for therapy, right? It's actually quite tolerable. I'm just learning where to step so that I won't accidentally hit any quicksand, cow patties, or landmines.

At the periodical where I work, one thing that bothers me is the favoritism that my boss shows to our advertisers. We are required to publish certain ads in certain places in our periodical because that's what many of them pay for; that part is understandable. But there are other advertisers at the feet of which my bosses tend to grovel... even though I've rarely seen any of those particular advertisements in our periodical. Seriously, these people haven't advertised with us for a long time. Why are we supposed to kiss up to them?

The nepotism in the office bothers me, too. There isn't much I can do about that, because the boss hired his family to work for him, and the other people have been working there for years, so they've earned serious loyalty points with him.

And, of course, a lot of this bothers me because I have neglect issues from my past. I grew up in a house where I was NOT the favored one. So, God and I have been working through this.

One thing I've been thinking about lately is the parable of the talents in Matthew 25. People usually teach that the moral of that story is that if you don't use the talent God gives you, He'll take it away. And that's definitely an important lesson in the story. But that isn't the entire story.

In that parable, the boss -- who is called "a hard man" -- goes on a journey and leaves his employees in charge of his "talents" -- a unit of currency back in biblical times. Each employee is given a certain number of talents to do business with, each according to his ability. So, when the boss comes back to settle accounts with his employees, the guy he gave 5 talents to earned 5 more talents (10 total) while his boss was away. The guy who got 2 talents earned 2 more talents (4 total). Both of these guys get commended by their boss, who tells them, "Well done, good and faithful servant." But the guy who got one talent didn't earn anything with it; he buried it and then returned it to his boss at the end of the parable. The excuse he gave his boss was, "I knew you were a hard man, reaping where you don't sow, it's your fault that I didn't do anything while you were gone, bla bla bla bla bla." Of course, his boss was furious, and he lectured him: "Hey, you wicked and lazy servant, if you knew that I was 'a hard man,' then you should have at least invested your talent and put it in the bank for safekeeping so that I could have at least earned some interest with it. But you just buried it. You stole it, you shirked your responsibility, and now you're fired, you bum." (Yes, I'm paraphrasing.)

I was raised by "a hard man," so I understand what it's like to be under a ridiculously overbearing authority figure. But I think this may be the first time I've ever worked for "a hard man" whose characteristics are very similar to the "hard man" in Matthew 25.

My boss does travel a lot, and he does assign some very specific stuff for each of us to work on while he's gone. Sometimes the assignments he makes are very fair, and they take our abilities into account. Other times, they make no sense whatsoever, and we have no choice but to just go with the flow of his whims. He sets standards that he himself does not endeavor to adhere to. He has a habit of not properly crediting people for their work... unless it is one of his favored employees -- in which case, he lets all of us know about their accomplishments. And his family is either just like him or in helpless submission to him.

Here's the deal: I'm not the boss. He is. The periodical that I work to create for him isn't mine. It's his. God and I have had some candid conversations about this.

I mean, we've had to. You know me. I'm not exactly known for keeping my opinions to myself.

At work, I am not in charge. My boss is in charge. What he says goes.

So, if he wants to announce to the company that we all need to work on a certain project because it's very important, only to interrupt my day to instruct me to work on a completely different project so that a client can have his way, that's the boss' right. That's how he does business. And I have to comply.

So, if he wants to hire a couple of introverts who don't like to interact with people, and if he wants to train them on how to make sales calls, that's the boss' right. That's how he does business. And I have to comply.

So, if he wants to put people who don't have journalism degrees or college degrees in charge of my editing assignments, including putting the secretary who has poor grammar and spelling skills in charge of proofreading my hardcopies, that's the boss' right. That's how he does business. And I have to comply.

So, if he wants to lecture me about the importance of proofreading so that I can catch my errors and our advertisers won't yell at us because I accidentally misspelled the name of one of their products, and then he accidentally misspells my name an email that he sends to the entire company, that's the boss' right. That's how he does business. And I have to comply.

So, if he wants to sit back and say nothing during a company meeting where I'm referred to as "the evil editor" because I do my job and catch mistakes that should have been caught on our periodical before it gets printed for all posterity to read, that's the boss' right. That's how he does business. And I have to comply.

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." (Psalm 37:5-6)

In the parable of the talents, we're not really given details about what the employees did with their talents while their boss was away. We just know the end results. And we know that the results were really all that the boss seemed concerned about.

Without going into too much detail, I will say that I work in a very enmeshed, codependent environment where -- in addition to kissing up to the people who ignore us -- people enable other people's incompetence, celebrate other people's mediocrity, and assume that everyone around them (except the boss) is a little child who knows nothing. And I must say... if you want to treat me like that, that's your right. That's how you do business. And I have to comply.

And I'm happy to.

I know how to maneuver around an enmeshed, codependent environment -- where therapists could enjoy their own private psychology wonderland for decades on end -- because I grew up in one.

Can you hear my roaring maniacal laughter? Good!

Yes, of course my motives are sneaky. Enmeshment is a state in which people's lives are smushed up against one another in an extremely unhealthy way, with no boundaries, no freedom to express oneself candidly, and a ton of shame. In an enmeshed environment, all the people there supposedly couldn't survive without one another. There are usually people playing the roles of parents, who are spoonfeeding the people who are playing the roles of children, regardless of how old the people are.

You see, enmeshment is a state that is basically based in pride. The basic idea is "You can't do this without me," so I'm going to stand behind your chair and watch you finish up the page layout for this very important assignment. "You can't do this without me," so I'm going to dictate this email to our client; you type exactly what I say. "You can't do this without me," so when you mess up, I'm going to email you and CC several of your coworkers so that I can show you exactly where you were wrong and so that you won't mess up again. "You can't do this without me," so since I emailed this client, please use my wording as an example of how to email clients; file this email away for future reference. "You can't do this without me..."

...because when you're the boss in an enmeshed, codependent environment, you think you're God.

Oh, yeah. I'm very thankful for my past right now. I know how to maneuver around this, because I grew up in a place very similar to this one.

So, I'm not in despair. I'm free. In fact, I'm probably not meshing with this environment very well because God has already uninstalled the enmeshment and codependent software from my hard drive. If you try to get it to run, you'll keep getting error messages.

Meanwhile, you can keep thinking I am happy here in your enmeshed, codependent environment. If you want to believe that, that's your right. That's how you do business. And I am happy to comply... because when it's finally time for me to leave -- whether sooner or later -- you'll be so focused on maintaining your unprofessional work environment that you won't notice me looking for another job. I will more than likely fly right under your radar.

My boss didn't see it coming from my predecessor, and when the time is right, he might not see it coming from me, either.

One major advantage of NOT being the favored one is not having your enmeshed, codependent authority figure focused on you. When they aren't paying attention to you, you can simply leave. Escape. Freedom.

FREEDOM!!!!!!!

Whoo. That felt great to type.

"Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear; forget your own people also, and your father's house; so the King will greatly desire your beauty; because He is your Lord, worship Him. And the daughter of Tyre will come with a gift; the rich among the people will seek your favor." (Psalm 45:10-12)

I've been talking a lot about myself, but the truth is that God favors every single one of us. We're all His favorite. (If you never accept Him, that will be a completely different story.) I think I understand that more than ever now.

Years ago when I was being trained to lead a church lifegroup, they told us, "You never know who you'll be discipling." And they were right. The person whose life you're investing in now could become the next Billy Graham. Or the next Dennis Jernigan. Or the next Joyce Meyer. Or the next [insert name of majorly influential person here]. You just never know.

The chick sitting by herself with a mug of icewater at your restaurant could turn out to be a blogger. The overly zealous new employee at your office could turn out to be one of the best editors you've ever had. The constantly overlooked little girl in your household could turn out to have one of the biggest backbones your family has ever seen, and she could use it to walk away from your family forever.

The arrogantly ambitious boy you sold into slavery could turn out to be second in command in all the land of Egypt, and you could end up needing his help during a famine. The outcast artsy-fartsy boy you entrust to herd your sheep could turn out to be the king of Israel and one of the best songwriters this world has ever known. The unabashedly weeping woman who's embarrassing you during your dinner with an important Person could turn out to be one of the most honored people in church history after she breaks an alabaster jar over her Master's head. The Carpenter from Nazareth could turn out to be the Savior of the world. And He did. And He is.

"The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. This was the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes." (Psalm 118:22-23)

Yes, of course Jesus understands how I feel. He's the One who keeps showing me how to maneuver through it. And for that I am thankful.

Earlier, I mentioned that I used my Chili's gift card to eat dinner. Nobody gave me that gift card. I bought it with the intention of giving it away as a present. Well, long story short, I decided to not give those particular people the card after all. I decided to use it for myself. And that's my right. That's how I do business. You don't have to comply, but I hope you'll understand that I get to do whatever the heck I want with my stuff. I get to bestow my favor upon whomever I wish.

I guess in a way, God works the same way. He gets to favor whoever He wants. He's the Boss. That's His right. That's how He does business. And I have to comply.

And I'm very happy to.

At first, the photo I shared at the beginning of this post really didn't have anything to do with this post. I caught my cat Macho hanging out inside my bathroom cabinets (which he's not allowed to do), so I decided to take a picture of that silly scene. But now that I think about it, I think the picture fits. Macho is the kitten who greeted me at the door when I visited my friend's house one evening about 15 years ago. You never know who will become family to you. The orange kitten meowing at you at your friend's door could turn out to be your Macho.

He's my most favorite boy cat in the entire universe.