Shoes

This is a picture of me wearing my blue slippers (and jammy bottoms) at the end of a long day. This evening, I was reminded of my high-school geometry teacher. Sometimes she would teach our class while she wore pink slippers, because we were her last class of the day. She would shuffle along the floor and declare in a thick, friendly drawl, "Y'all, I'm tired." And she would croon her rendition of "Strangers in the Night": "They say I'm strange!" I honestly don't remember learning much geometry, but I do remember her pink slippers, her quirky singing, her incessant cheerfulness, her encouraging kindness, her happy-go-lucky disposition, her extremely likeable personality, and the fact her class was so darn pleasant. I even remember her telling us once something to the effect of, "You should learn how to get along with me. What if someday you have a boss that's just like me?"

Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of having a boss just like her. Otherwise, I'd probably beg to work weekends and holidays.

What I do have currently is a very unpleasant employment situation. It didn't start out unpleasant. It started out as my dream job. Then a merger happened, then change happened, then adjustments happened, then layoffs happened, then unfair change happened, then unreasonable adjustments happened, and next thing you know, you're hoping you'll get fired next. That isn't a wise thing to hope for.

Recently while I was driving home and unraveling my brain, I blurted out a revelation: "THAT'S why people hated me when I was a manager!"

I had a supervisory job many years ago that was probably supposed to have been pretty stressful, but I don't really remember being stressed out because I enjoyed it. If I could do it all over again, I'd skip gossiping about and judging the people who were under me. I also probably would have left the job sooner. (I think my boss openly yelling at an IT guy extremely unprofessionally was sufficient foreshadowing for him taking out his frustrations on me later.)

But overall, that job was a wonderful series of learning experiences. I got yelled at. I fired people. I made important decisions. I made friends. I was loved and respected. I was also betrayed. One time, I walked into a chatty, busy breakroom and felt the awkwardness of the silence that suddenly descended at the sight of my presence.

So, with my current job, I've wondered if perhaps I'm reaping now the bad stuff that I sowed then. I've wondered if I'm on the "lest" end of the "Do not judge" verse. Of course, it's possible that I am.

Then I remembered that God isn't mad at me, because His wrath was satisfied with Jesus on the cross. Sometimes stuff just happens. Sometimes God just likes to buff and polish until it shines and He can see His face reflected in it. Sometimes He likes to randomly hang out with me during a trial and say something like, "Hey, how ya doin'? You know, [insert workplace situation here] is a lot like [insert Kingdom situation here]."

"And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise." (Jesus talking in Luke 6:31)

I'm pretty sure that regardless of everything else, God is definitely tweaking my empathy. I think He's reminding me what it's like to walk in another person's shoes. In my current situation, I'm like, "Oh, THIS is what it feels like to be patronized by a boss!" or "Oh, THIS is why people get mad when they see things in writing that are more sharply worded than what you tried to communicate in person!" or "Oh, THIS is why being assertive and correcting immediately is much better than being passive-aggressive and saving all your rebukes for a meeting!"

I feel that my current work environment has transformed from a friendly, pleasant one to a feudal, elitist one. I'm getting a crash course or maybe a refresher course on submitting to authority, because I'm pretty much at the mercy of my managers' whims. I truly feel like I tiptoe through a minefield every day, and I've learned that I have to be prepared for anything. To my recollection, this is the first job I've ever had where the managers don't roll up their sleeves and pitch in when the workload becomes too heavy for everyone else -- where the managers don't know how to do the jobs of the people under them.

And I completely understand that lots of companies operate this way. I also understand that there are lots of companies that are much, much, much worse than mine. I am also extremely thankful for my paycheck. I am also flabbergasted at how little I'm able to confide in my coworkers, who seem content to plug themselves back into the Matrix and blend in. All those times that God told me to leave make more and more sense every day, as the work environment becomes exponentially more toxic every day.

"He is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed." (Isaiah 53:3-5, talking about Jesus)

Speaking of managers who won't do the jobs of their underlings, Jesus isn't like that at all. He won't set rules that He Himself won't follow. He knows exactly how to do our Kingdom jobs because He did them all Himself (and still does). For example, if He says to forgive, He's not theorizing on a method that's worked elsewhere. He knows firsthand what it's like to be treated excruciatingly unjustly and forgiving, anyway. If He says to love, He's not being a clueless consultant. He knows firsthand what it's like to love somebody who will never, ever love Him back, and He Himself IS love.

Jesus knows exactly what it's like to walk in our shoes, because He was born right here on our turf over 2,000 years ago among us, as one of us. He knows how the soft, slipper shoes feel, and He knows how the mismatched, blistering shoes feel.

And He's already walked before me. All I have to do is follow in His footsteps. And He's walking WITH me, too. Now, THAT'S a committed Manager/Shepherd/Lord/King!