This is a bird's-eye view of Choochie enjoying some quiet
slumber on Christmas Day in her napping fort. It isn't a literal fort. During
Icemageddon a few weeks ago, I created a spot on the couch for Choochie to
snuggle temporarily, but she adopted the spot on a long-term basis. It's a nice little
semi-private nook. There have been a couple of times that I've walked into the
living room and completely forgotten that she's there. So, it isn't a perfect
metaphor, but I think it's pretty darn close to what God did with me in 2013.
This year, this blog was an important vehicle for me. With
it, I've invited you the reader to take a semi-private glance into my life.
Depending on which angle you saw -- a bird's-eye view, a side view, or a view
from which I was completely obstructed -- you probably got a very interesting
idea of what I'm like. Hopefully I didn't share too little or too much. I hope
you enjoyed it. I hope it didn't freak you out too much.
At any rate, I needed to flush some stuff out, God needed to
lance some of my boils, and I felt like I needed to broadcast it here. I hope
it blessed and/or entertained you. I truly appreciate you taking the time to
read it. From what I understand, I'm not going to stop blogging. I just think
2013 was probably the year when I needed it the most.
"You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from
trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah. I will
instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My
eye. Do not be like the horse or like the mule, which have no understanding,
which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, else they will not come near
you." (Psalm 32:7-9)
"If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot
deny Himself." (2 Timothy 2:13)
When 2013 first started, I don't think I really knew what I
was in for, even though I think I may have gotten some hints along the way. God
told me that He was unwarping my concept of "family," and He did. God
told me I had taken care of people, but now it was time to take care of me, and
it certainly was. At a counseling session that I attended near the beginning of
the year, I was told that I needed to go deep this year, and I think I did.
In fact, I went to places where I never dreamed I'd go again,
places where I wouldn't go again if you paid me a zillion dollars, and places
where God led me, stayed with me, and helped me out of. Dang. He is faithful.
He didn't ever give up on me. He won't ever leave me. This boggles my mind. This
year, I said bye-bye to chaos. And I think I learned that life is fragile and
sturdy simultaneously. This year, I had many close calls. I had multiple
breakthroughs. I fought numerous battles. There were times when I wasn't sure I
was going to make it, there were times when I saw a really concerned look on
God's face, and He was with me every moment of the way. He was probably with me
when I didn't even realize He was with me. He held my hand. He watched me
sleep. He sang over me. He was like a Parent who faithfully, almost stubbornly,
definitely compassionately, nursed His sick child back to health.
Queen recorded a classic song called "Bohemian
Rhapsody" in 1975. Because of the song's age, legendary influence, and
ubiquitous fame, I had heard it at least once in my lifetime. But this year, I
studied it. Yes, it's a fantasy song, and from what I understand, Freddie
Mercury kept the lyrics vague on purpose (as an ingenious artist often does).
But the first time I re-heard it (probably sometime this summer?), I was
flabbergasted at how the song described my 2013. No, I didn't kill a man or put
a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead, but it's pretty darn
cathartic to listen to, especially around 4:07 when I get off my musical butt
and yell at the devil about leaving me to die, can't do this to me, baby, and I
tell him to just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here. And when God
my Daddy tucks me in at night, He likes to play the instrumental that begins
the ballad part of the song, because He's also God my Mama. Didn't mean to make
Him cry. But don't worry -- I also change a lot of the lyrics in my head. If
I'm not back again this time tomorrow, go to Braum's. Buy a swan. It doesn't
really matter. Too late. I'm gonna cry. It's that goshdarn melody penned by
Freddie Mercury.
So, God re-parented me this year. He built a nice little
semi-private nook for me and gave me a safe place to, well, be a baby. He fed
me, and then He leaned my head on His shoulder and burped me, and then He wiped
me off after I spat up. He changed my diapers and healed my rashes. He kissed
my boo-boos and made them better. He taught me how to take "no" for
an answer. He re-taught me how to accept other people's boundaries. He let me
throw tantrums... lots and lots of tantrums. I'm glad He doesn't ever get tired
or need to sleep; otherwise, He'd need a vacation from me.
But He never, ever, ever gave up on me. He's committed to me
for an eternity. He wants me. He thought me up, He made
me, He bought me back, He intends to keep me, and He never plans to get rid of
me. Never, ever, ever.
Do you remember my ridiculously huge file pile? It was a
monstrous nightmare of bills and other documents that needed to be filed away
or shredded. When I moved, my file pile took up about 5 boxes. I'm happy to
report that my file pile is now only 1 1/2 inches tall. I'm amused to report
that in the process of me filing everything away, the weight of my documents
broke my ancient file cabinet, so I got to buy a new, sturdier one. Sometimes
sorting through a mess can be enormously time-consuming, but it's worth it.
Do you remember my wisdom teeth that I got pulled? 5 months
later, the bottom gum-holes in my jaw are still healing, and I still have to
flush them out a couple of times a week. Sometimes a healing process can take a
ridonculously long time, but it's worth it.
God hasn't been in a hurry, and He's known exactly what He
was doing. He is The Ultimate Expert Healer. I think this has been my theme for
my 2013:
DADDY TAKES CARE OF ME.
And I'll remember this in the coming year. God won't forget
me, and I won't forget Him.
So, after 90 posts written in 174,000+ words on 264+ pages in Microsoft Word, Tirzah the psychoblogger says thank you for reading, and Happy
New Year!
Wait. I can't just say goodbye without a song parody. This
one is with apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin:
So, goodbye, 2013
Oh, the best remains to be seen
My Father's got me in His house
I've got my hands on my plow
Back with my ear smushed on His bosom
Listening to His heart beat toward me
Oh, I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond 2013...
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