Unemployment, part 2

In my previous post, I shared a picture of my pantry. This is a picture of my freezer. Today at Target, I found some TV dinners marked down to 51 cents each. Jackpot! I'm currently chowing down Michelina's Shrimp with Pasta & Vegetables. It's pretty good.

I guess you could say that's my manna.

"Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. And the children of Israel said to them, 'Oh, that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.' Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you. And the people shall go out and gather a certain quota every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in My law or not. And it shall be on the sixth day that they shall prepare what they bring in, and it shall be twice as much as they gather daily." (Exodus 16:2-5)

I've been officially unemployed for about 20 days, but I've been looking for a new job for about 11 months. I think I'm starting to get discouraged, but I haven't been keeping track of my emotions very well. (Perhaps I've still been euphoric after exiting employment hell?) As always, my Daddy comes to the rescue and holds a huge mirror in front of my face.

I am a very random person, so God often interacts with me in very random, offbeat ways. For example, this past weekend I spent a lot of time hanging out at church. During one of these days, I was sitting quietly in a room full of boisterous choir people. I wasn't talking to anyone, and then I realized that I wasn't conversing with God. So, I initiated a conversation with Him that went something like this:

ME: I'm sorry. How are You doing?

GOD: No.

ME: What?

GOD: No.

ME: No?

GOD: No.

ME: What do You mean, No?

GOD: No.

ME: [thinking He's resisting me] Did I do something wrong?

GOD: No.

ME: Jesus, what's wrong?

JESUS: No.

ME: Holy Spirit?

HOLY SPIRIT: No.

ME: [almost starting to freak out] Uh-oh.

GOD: Ask Me if I've forgotten you.

ME: Have You forgotten me?

GOD: No.

Then He and I played this sort of Jeopardy-ish Yes/No/Maybe game for part of the day. It was kinda fun. But what was extremely cool was that shortly after He and I had that "Ask Me if I've forgotten you" conversation, our choir had a family time. One of the leaders/pastors prayed for us and said, "Some of you think God has forgotten you." That would be confirmation.

Then earlier today, God randomly dropped Psalm 88 into my head. That isn't a pretty psalm. He randomly surfed to different verses in the psalm until He got to verse 12: "Shall Your wonders be known in the dark? And Your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?" That would also be confirmation.

"But Zion said, 'The Lord has forsaken me, and my Lord has forgotten me.' Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.' " (Isaiah 49:14-15)

So, God is cool like that. He's my Father-Mama who takes extremely good care of me and doesn't kick me to the curb when times get rough.

Earlier this evening, I realized that I don't have an official Bible verse to lean on during this season of my life. So, our conversation went something like this:

ME: Which promise should I lean on?

GOD: All of them.

ME: [silent]

GOD: [silent]

ME: You're pretty laidback right now.

GOD: Are you OK with that?

ME: [chuckled affirmation]

GOD: [silent]

ME: [enjoying da peace]

GOD: [still pretty quiet]

I think He and I are like an old married couple. I'm definitely not complaining. I'm just relieved that He hasn't zapped me off the face of the earth for being so unevenly matched with Him. In fact, I'm pretty sure He designed it that way: I'm a teeny-tiny human being who's vastly flawed, and He's the Ultimate Supreme Being of the Universe who's 100% flawless, all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere I need Him to be, even hanging out in my past, present, and future.

So, this is who I lean on when times are awesome and when times are terrible. This is who I follow into the unemployment wilderness. This is who takes care of me. I need to lean on Somebody like Him, because this wilderness is pretty wild, crazy, and unpredictable. It's kind of a silent torture, actually, in some ways.

I wonder what sort of company the Israelites had while they were wandering around in their wilderness. I wonder what sort of questions they got asked. I wonder what sort of reputation they had. I wonder what sort of awkwardnesses they had to overcome socially with foreigners. I wonder if their conversations went something like this:

FOREIGNER: Hey, there! What are you doing wandering around here?

ISRAELITE: Uh, I followed my God out here.

FOREIGNER: Aw, that's too bad. It really sucks out here.

ISRAELITE: No, it's OK. My God is really awesome.

FOREIGNER: Oh, yeah?

ISRAELITE: Yeah. He feeds me.

FOREIGNER: Cool. Hey, I'm looking for a job. Do you know if Egypt is hiring any slaves? I heard they just let go of their entire brickmaking staff. Can you believe they did that?

ISRAELITE: Um, heh, heh. I actually, uh, used to work there.

FOREIGNER: What kind of benefits do they have?

ISRAELITE: Well, meat and fruits and vegetables, but--

FOREIGNER: Cool!

ISRAELITE: No, not cool. Their quotas are impossible.

FOREIGNER: I don't mind a quota. Keeps me on my toes.

ISRAELITE: They took away our straw, and they treated us like pigs. It was terrible. Please stay far, far away from Egypt.

FOREIGNER: Aw, you're no fun. I'm gonna go apply for your old job. See ya!

ISRAELITE: Sigh. See ya.

Yep, seeing my old job advertised on LinkedIn was a little weird, but remembering that whole no-straw-for-your-bricks thing was a sober reminder.

I think the cats have enough food to last them for a few months. I think I have enough cash to last me for almost another month. God has brought me this far. He'll keep taking me wherever I need to go. He'll keep letting me know which step I need to take, which direction I need to turn, which pace I need to pick up. He's never let me down ever, and He won't let me down ever. I think I'm good to go.

When you look up at the sky and see clouds, do you ever see them filled with manna? No, of course you've never seen manna-saturated clouds. The whole concept is unnatural. It's impossible. And yet, God made it rain manna in the wilderness while the Israelites were in the desert. God sent miraculous breadmaking materials from the sky just for the Israelites to gather so that they wouldn't starve to death in the wilderness. He made a way to supernaturally feed them, even though they had to work for it. He took extremely good care of them, and they returned the favor by spitting in His face. I don't want to spit in His face. I want to remember Him. I don't want to forget Him.

He definitely hasn't forgotten me.