Unemployment

"In the house of the righteous there is much treasure." (Proverbs 15:6a)

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." (Proverbs 31:25, NIV)

I don't know how long I'll be unemployed (hopefully an extremely short amount of time), so I would like to take this opportunity to jot down some thoughts about unemployment while they're fresh and funny. As a writer slash starving artist, I've been around the unemployment block a time or two, and I've noticed some patterns that I hope to not repeat, and I've also noticed some patterns that I'm glad are still there from previous unemployment seasons. I would like to arrange them in lists below.

IF YOUR FRIEND IS UNEMPLOYED, DON'T ASSUME...

- that she is starving. In the past few days, I hit the discount store circuit pretty hard. My freezer and my pantry have been adequately stocked by Target, Family Dollar, and Dollar Tree. I've displayed a picture of my pantry here. I'm good to go. Also, I once fried lasagna in a moment of misguided desperation many years ago, so my tummy will always find a way to find a meal.

- that she is willing to work anytime, anywhere. If you approach me and say something like, "Hey, I just met you and I don't know you from Adam, but I have a job for you!" that's creepy. Take it from the chick who graduated with a writing degree and got recruited to market a guy's idea for a laminated address book in 1998. Listen, buddy, if the guy at the small-business office didn't buy your idea from you, why would he buy it from me? Weirdest $40 I ever earned!

- that she is perpetually hopeless and sad. After I lost my job a few days ago, I danced in my living room with my cat. I think losing CurrentJob was kinda like losing a rotten tooth.

UNEMPLOYMENT CAN MAKE A PERSON DO CRAZY THINGS, SUCH AS...

- daydream about vacuuming the carpet.

- plan trips to the bank to swap pennies/nickels/dimes for laundry quarters.

- be jealous of your cats. I have to be frugal, but they get to spend over $100 on heartworm medicine? What the heck?

- get excited about making trips to the Dumpster, in the middle of the afternoon, on a weekday.

- alleviate boredom by surfing YouTube and realizing that the internet really isn't all that entertaining after all, unless you want to educate yourself about a Karen Carpenter scandal that was unearthed in 1993. Drama!

So, while I'm in employment limbo, I've been keeping myself busy with projects (e.g., closet cleaning and eBay listing) that I didn't have time to do while I was in employment hell. Hopefully I'll finish before I get to employment heaven. But if I don't, it won't be a big deal. After all, it'll be heaven.

Also, for the past couple of days, my big cat has been snuggling on my lap any chance he gets. I'm suspicious. Does he want food or warmth?

Don't complain, Tirzah. Just enjoy it while it lasts!