My being at home during
the day has completely disrupted my cats' routines. However, my babies are very
flexible, so they've developed new routines.
For instance, Macho has discovered that I keep dishes soaking in the kitchen
sink before I transfer them to the dishwasher. So, he has taken the liberty of
jumping onto my kitchen counter and helping himself to the leftover food that
is stuck to the sides of my dishes. Um, kitty, I hope the vet doesn't ask me
later why she found traces of soapy water in your system.
Choochie, on the other
hand, has decided to nap incessantly in my living room, as you can see in the
photo I've shared here. There's a space that's approximately 10 inches wide
(not counting the sliding door's track) between my old living-room chair and my
vertical blinds. It's a tight, cramped space, but Choochie doesn't seem to
mind. She seems very much at home there. It seems to fit her. If I ever need to
leave my apartment for a little while, all I have to do is glance behind my
chair and see her napping triangle ears to know that she's OK.
"Every commandment
which I command you today you must be careful to observe, that you may live and
multiply, and go in and possess the land of which the Lord swore to your
fathers. And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way
these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was
in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled
you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor
did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by
bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the
Lord. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these
forty years. You should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so
the Lord your God chastens you." (Deuteronomy 8:1-5)
This afternoon while I
was thinking about tomorrow's job interview, I realized that yesterday was the
one-year anniversary of me officially hating my old job. I've been unemployed
for approximately 45 days, but I've been in the market for a new job for approximately
one year. Wow. God has brought me through a heck of a lot. (If you've followed
my blog during the past year, you've more than likely gotten quite an
earful/eyeful.)
I was thinking about all
the times at my cubicle or in my car that I had conversations with God about
how I felt about my job. I remembered the times I cried, the times I strained,
the times I wanted to cut myself, and the mental health days I had to take off from
work. I'm honestly amazed that I made it through all that. I'm pretty sure I
made it because I wasn't alone. God was with me the entire time: holding my
hand, collecting my puke, dragging my behind, wiping my tears, and comforting
me as only He could. His joy really is my strength. He really does renew my
youth like the eagle's. He really is my refuge and strength, and I really can
be still and know that He is God when the mountains are carried into the sea
and shake with its swelling. (That was a whole bunch of Bible verses smushed
together.)
I gotta hand it to the
Israelites. They had it pretty rough when they were hanging out in the
wilderness wondering if they were going to make it out alive or if God hated
them. I don't think they had a Bible with "wandering in the
wilderness" stories to encourage them, and I don't think they knew that
their experiences would become Bible stories later. We Christians use the term
"wilderness" all the time to symbolize the extended hard seasons that
we have, even though I think all our symbolic wildernesses kinda blur into each
other. Did my unemployment wilderness start when I got fired, or did it start on May 20,
2013? Or does it really matter? Hmm. I might be overanalyzing this.
What I do know is that
the Israelites, despite their circumstances, were very well taken care of in
the wilderness. I also, despite my circumstances, am very well taken care of
out here. I have manna, I have water, I have a cloud to lead me by day, I have
a pillar of fire to lead me by night, I have sunshine, I have sand, I have a
tent, and I even have animals. I have everything I need out here, and it is a
very humbling experience indeed.
I was telling my
therapist the other day that being unemployed kinda makes me an advice magnet.
If I say, "I lost my job" or "I'm looking for a job,"
suddenly people start talking to me as if I'm 22 years old, fresh out of
college, and have no idea how to survive on my own. Yes, I've already been
applying for jobs on the internet for the past year. Yes, my resume is already
quite updated. Yes, I registered with employment agencies. Yes, I'm already
collecting unemployment. No, I don't sit around all day and eat bonbons. No, I
don't expect the government to take care of me for the rest of my life. No, I
am not qualified to be a salesperson; I'm sorry, I thought my resume said that
I've held writing or editing jobs for the past 9 years. This is all humbling
advice because I have to endure it, as if I were a 22-year-old kid. I don't really have a choice but to eat
what's fed to me out here.
Rather, I guess the
other choice is to shrivel up and die. Nope. That's not an option.
I'm 38 years old, and
I'm barely discovering what I was designed to do with my life, so I think maybe
after I reach my new-job promised land, I might need to enter a this-is-only-so-I-can-pay-off-debt-and-save-money-to-go-back-to-school
wilderness all over again. I think reentering college in my 40s would be pretty
darn cool. I'm hoping God will give me some more gray hair by then. Maybe I
should start to have fun with this. "Hello, young college freshman who is
hitting on me. Did you know that I'm old enough to be your mother?" Aw,
heck, I'm already having fun with this. Reader, I hope you're laughing, because
I am.
Life is awesome! I have
everything I need right here! I live within very reasonable driving distance to
a Dollar General, a Dollar Tree, a Big Lots, a Family Dollar, a Target, and the post office,
all during a season when I'm watching my spending like a hawk and selling
things on eBay! I just happened to get fired during a time of year when the
weather was so mild that I barely had to use my A/C or heater at all, so my
electricity bills haven't been astronomically high! I just happened to be
unemployed right before I was scheduled to see generous relatives who like to
give me money without me asking for it! I just happen to be old enough now to
have made so many mistakes with money, employment, and unemployment in my past that I have
plenty of experiences to draw from! I just happen to be the daughter of the
King of the Universe who's richer than anybody else could ever hope to be, and
everything He has is mine, and I am always with Him!
In case you can't tell, I'm
trying to encourage myself. I think it's working.
So, maybe God has to
discipline me after I help myself to the leftover food in the soapy sink. Or
maybe I'm currently best suited for a napping space that's only 10 inches wide.
I think that's OK. I still live in my Father's house, and He's taking care of
me, just like He always does.
I have the most faithful
Father in the universe. He keeps me as the apple of His eye, and He hides me in
the shadow of His wings (Psalm 17:8). I think I can tackle my interview
tomorrow, whether I get hired or not. My Daddy is with me, so I think I'm good
to go.
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