The bathroom mirror

About 4 years ago, I accidentally put a significant scrape on the outside of my car. (I'd show you a picture, but you'd be able to recognize my vehicle immediately on the street, and I really value my privacy. I mean, I don't even use my cats' real names here on my blog. Are you kidding?) It's kind of a long story as to how it happened, and it used to really embarrass me to drive my car with that highly visible damage.

I used to consider getting the damage fixed, but I've decided to just let it be. It's only cosmetic, it doesn't affect how the car drives, and my car -- which is already paid for -- has almost 100,000 miles on it. Honestly, I'm kind of proud of the damage now. I think it gives my car some character. I think it screams to people, "Hey! You shouldn't drive too close to this crazy lady!! Maniacal laughter!!!" Yeah, that's right. My car has an accidentally cool tattoo.

Throughout the years, my car's damage has caused people to react in all kinds of ways. People have asked me, "Hey, did you find out who hit your car?" or "Did you know that somebody hit your car?" with genuine concern, and that's no problem. But what's annoying is when repairmen accost me and solicit me for business. One time, I found a business card from a body shop on my windshield wiper. Another time, a guy pulled up next to my car while I was parked in the Target parking lot, motioned to me to roll down my window, and proceeded to tell me that he owns a small shop that could fix my car. I turned him down as politely as I could. Yesterday while I was driving to church and sitting at a red light, I heard someone honking very spastically, and I saw a guy motioning to me to roll my window down; I did, and he yelled at me while pointing at my car, "I can fix it!" I smiled and drove away. And I think I called him a jerk under my breath.

The thing is, people only see that one significant scrape on my car. They don't see all the other damage, and they don't know how any of it happened. And it happened 4 years ago; if I wanted to fix it, I probably would have by now.

When I got my car's first real ding, I scraped one of the corners of my car and dented my fender until I popped it back into place, and it was fine. I drove away and was pretty freaked out, but when I prayed and asked God what to do, He simply replied, "Just be glad you have a sturdy car." And I am. I also accidentally gave my car lots of other body damage when I worked in a building that had a parking garage. And have I ever told you about the time that I got rear-ended by a Hummer and lived to tell about it?

No, of course not. All people ever see is that one significant scrape. Perfect strangers are so ready to dish out their solutions to my "problem." They don't know any of the other stuff my car has been through, they don't know what was going through my head or my heart when it happened, and they probably aren't interested in getting to know me as a person at all. They just want to use me for their business.

I mean, come on. I live in a big metropolitan area of Texas that has a lot of traffic. It ain't uncommon for some of us to drive around with little dings on our cars. If it ain't broke, we probably ain't gonna fix it.

Of course, all this talking about my car has just been me building up to a huge metaphor.

 

I've never been married, but I have seen a lot of married couples interact. A husband and wife might not necessarily put the deepest workings of their relationship on display for all to see. In fact, they're supposed to keep the most precious aspects of their relationships private. The nuts and bolts of a marriage -- the deep discussions, the digging for solutions, the talking through and the unpacking of hidden emotions -- may not necessarily happen in the bedroom, in the living room, or at the dining-room table. I've seen a lot of it happen at the bathroom mirror. (So, it isn't just a place to take selfies. Who'd a thunk?)

While you're staring into the bathroom mirror to do very mundane things like brush your teeth, shave, fix your hair, or put your makeup on, you're not doing anything that requires rocket science, and it's a private spot that isn't open to the public, so it's a perfect location to work out some stuff with the person who's fixing themselves up either right next to you or perhaps in a location that's very close by. When I was younger, I got all kinds of scooped-out gossip while I would hang around the parents' bathroom mirror.

And as an adult, the bathroom mirror is a place for me where God tends to quietly show up and show me some deep stuff in my heart that I need to see. Or it's a place where I can be still and quiet enough to ask Him the deep questions that I didn't realize I needed to ask. Or it's a place where I've been able to ask Him some very practical questions, and He's either given me some very practical answers or given me some peace about my situations being worked out. He and I have worked some major stuff out at the bathroom mirror and at locations in my home that are very close by.

"For I considered all this in my heart, so that I could declare it all: that the righteous and the wise and their works are in the hand of God. People know neither love nor hatred by anything they see before them." (Ecclesiastes 9:1)

I've been stuck in Ecclesiastes 9 pretty much all week. It took me forever to get past the first verse. What does it mean? Why is it in the Bible?

The entire Book of Ecclesiastes is like that. What was King Solomon thinking when he wrote it? Did he write it after he had already been dissed by his 1,000 wives, and that was why he was so cynical? Why don't we Christians spend more time digging into this stuff? We just sort of quote the whole "To everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn," from chapter 3 as a rah-rah feel-good Bible passage and then move on to other rah-rah feel-good things. Why do we skip over all the bad things? I remember a couple of years ago, there were people on Facebook who were pushing for people to only post "positive" things. Have they never read Ecclesiastes? There is very little "positive" stuff in there. In fact, there is some stuff in Ecclesiastes that seems to contradict other stuff in the Bible. For instance:

"So I commended enjoyment, because a man has nothing better under the sun than to eat, drink, and be merry; for this will remain with him in his labor all the days of his life which God gives him under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 8:15)

I mean, doesn't that contradict what's in Luke...

"And I will say to my soul, 'Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.' But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?' " (Luke 12:19-20)

...and what's in Proverbs?

"Hear, my son, and be wise; and guide your heart in the way. Do not mix with winebibbers, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags." (Proverbs 23:19-21)

Well, since it's all in the Bible, it's all true. I think the trick is just to know when and how to apply and interpret which verse to which situation.

No, of course we fallible human beings can't figure it all out on our own. Metaphorically speaking, we the bride of Christ just need to keep spending time at the bathroom mirror with our Bridegroom. I think that's how we'll know what to do, how to think, and where to step. That's where we can work some stuff out.

At least, speaking for myself, I know that's where I can work some stuff out. I have to. I know that I'm toast without my Bridegroom, my Father, my Helper helping me maneuver through this minefield called life.

Regarding my car, I really think all those accidental dings I've gotten on it have helped me to become a better driver. I'm not proud of my mistakes, but I'm very glad and very thankful that I've been able to learn from them.

My heart has gotten some dings, scrapes, and scratches on it throughout the years, too. Some of the gashes are deeper than others. Sometimes God takes me to the metaphorical body shop so that my heart can get repaired, and other times I think He just lets me live my life with my unrepaired wounds right out in the open for all to see... and for many to pitch some unsolicited advice at it. Sometimes their intentions are very good, and other times they make the wounds seem much more of an embarrassment than they really are. (Actually, when the latter happens, that's a red flag to just stay away from those people.) They don't know all the circumstances behind all the heart-blemishes, and they don't know if God the Master Heart-Mechanic is going to fix the blemishes or just let them develop some character in me. But that's just something that He and I work out, metaphorically speaking, at the bathroom mirror. Most of the time, it's private, and nobody sees or hears what happens except Him and me. (And sometimes my cats.)