What I learned after feeling neglected by certain people

This post is sort of piggybacking off this previous post and this this older post. I would like to process something that seems to have clicked for me in a new way, and I'll try to do it without slandering anybody. Because I'm processing, I'm going to ramble. Because I'm an artist, I'm going to be philosophical. I'll be talking about certain situations in a variety of different contexts.

"Be diligent to know the state of your flocks, and attend to your herds..." (Proverbs 27:23)

Oh, my gosh, I'm not crazy. It's right there in black and white.

It seems to me that in a shepherd-sheep relationship, or an employer-employee relationship, or a parent-child relationship, or a pastor-churchgoer relationship, etc., there are two parties involved. Each party has certain responsibilities, even though one party is officially in charge.

I'll use me and my cat Macho as an example. Macho has a tendency to misbehave when I'm not looking, and I'm very aware of this tendency. (Choochie has the decency to misbehave right in front of my face, as if to say, "Oh, good, you see me chewing on the doorstop. Now can you please lower your voice, follow me to my empty food bowl, and remedy my hunger?") If I'm trying to eat my dinner on my banqueting table, and if Macho isn't allowed to touch it, and if I know he'll help himself to my food without my permission, and if I run to the kitchen for a moment, and if I return to my banqueting table and find Macho eating my TV dinner, how loudly should I really yell at him? Whose fault is it? Is it completely his fault for giving in to temptation and doing the wrong thing while I wasn't looking? Or is it completely my fault for not protecting him from temptation in the first place? Should I have carried him into the kitchen with me, or should I have checked on him frequently from the time I left my banqueting table to the time I returned to it? (Both scenarios in that last question are completely doable.)

I'll use another example with Macho, something that really happened once. I rented a room from his previous owner, who had access to the bottom of her old house through a trapdoor-like secret passageway in my closet. One evening, Macho's previous owner needed to access the bottom of her house so that a bathroom tile issue could be examined. So, she and a friend opened the door on the floor of my closet. Then they closed it. Then Choochie and I retired for the evening. The next day, Choochie was being quite clingy with me, and I didn't think anything of it until after I had come home from work, and Macho's owner was calling him frantically, but he wasn't answering. She told me that she didn't know where he was, and she hadn't seen him all day, but she heard this mysterious meowing from someplace. Then I wondered if perhaps Macho had somehow wandered underneath the house during the tile-examination from the night before. Sure enough, Macho's previous owner opened the trapdoor-like secret passageway in my closet and revealed a shaky, slightly dirty Macho meowing as masculinely as he could under the circumstances. (Choochie greeted him with a warm clinginess.) He survived living under the house for a day. Whose fault was it for accidentally leaving a pet under the house? Was it my fault because Macho had given in to his curious feline temptation on my territory? Was it Macho's fault for not knowing any better? Or was it his previous owner's fault for not checking on him? Or was it a combination of factors?

I will say that I've learned that you can't control a cat completely at all times, but it is possible to know where your cat is at all times. (Currently, Macho is in my bedroom, and Choochie is here in my living room. Macho is in a state of napping. Choochie is in a state of transition from napping to hmm-let-me-decide-if-I-want-to-crawl-onto-Mom's-shoulder-and-purr.)

I don't think Proverbs 27:23 says to be OCD, anal, or micromanaging, but I do think it says to be diligent to know what your flocks are up to at all times. I think technically, the context of that verse is financial. From what I understand, in biblical times, a flock was like a bank account; that was how you did business and made your money. Joyce Meyer's application of Proverbs 27:23 is, "When was the last time you balanced your checkbook?" So, it's the keeper of the flock's responsibility to diligently check on the state of the flock. If I neglect to balance my checkbook after I get paid, and if I go on a spending spree, whose fault is it if I'm overdrawn at the bank? Is it my employer's fault for not paying me a million dollars? Is it my fault for not finding a job that pays me a six-figure salary? Is it society's fault for dictating that people in my profession don't earn a million dollars per paycheck? Is it the merchants' and creditors' fault for charging too much money? Is it the bank's fault for debiting my money immediately during a transaction? Is it the state's fault for charging a sales tax?

I'm pretty sure the buck stops with me.

And I'm not really talking about putting the blame on people. Certainly if someone has a job to do, they should ideally be trusted to do it with reasonable supervision (not micromanagement). If the shepherd puts a trusted sheep in charge while the shepherd goes on vacation, and if the sheep were to be lazy or power-trippy in the shepherd's absence, of course the sheep needs to be held responsible for his or her actions, especially if he or she harms other sheep because the shepherd wasn't looking.

I'm saying that the shepherd-sheep relationship, or employer-employee relationship, or parent-child relationship, or pastor-churchgoer relationship, etc., is a two-way street. Yes, the sheep, employee, child, and churchgoer must be held accountable for his or her actions. I think the shepherd, employer, parent, and pastor also need to be held accountable for his or her actions, because he or she is the authority. I think that means that it's the authority's responsibility to check on the sheep, employee, child, or churchgoer from time to time. It's the authority's responsibility to diligently know the state of his or her flocks.

I'm not crazy. It's right there in black and white.

So, all those times I felt like a sheep, employee, child, and churchgoer who was neglected by a shepherd, employer, parent, and pastor who didn't check on me, it probably wasn't completely my fault. I'm not trying to be resentful or hold a grudge or nurture a bitter root or anything like that. Forgiveness and letting go are definitely my responsibility. I'm just trying to get a handle on this so that I can move forward.

I'm not crazy, I'm not lazy, I'm not a freak, I'm not a rebel, I'm not worthless, I'm not incompetent, I'm not a loser. I was simply neglected, overlooked, unchecked on, unshepherded. It's right there in black and white.

I think a shepherd who loves his or her sheep will check on the sheep from time to time and make sure that don't wolves attack the flock. A shepherd needs to be diligent to know the state of his or her flocks, so that the flocks will do what they're supposed to do -- whether it's make money or just exist as healthy sheep.

Jesus knows how to do this. He's The Great Shepherd who is an Expert at diligence, because He invented diligence. He's an Expert at managing finances, because He invented wealth. He's an Expert at investing in the sheep, protecting the sheep, and managing the sheep, because they're His sheep, He bought them, and He loves them. And because He's The Great Shepherd. He shepherds me because He loves me.

I want to learn from Him.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want." (Psalm 23:1)

See? I'm not crazy! It's right there in black and white.

God will always be diligent to shepherd me, He'll always look after me, He'll never neglect me, He'll never let me down, and He'll never fail me. I shall not want... and I want Him.