Back on track

I had originally thought that this evening's post would sort of continue with this previous post, or that it would refer to this previous post, and it probably sort of will, but I think it may actually be more like this previous post. Hmm. I think they're sort of starting to run together. But it's all good.

And on this evening's edition of Tirzah's Adventures With Daddy, we bring you... Spontaneous Road Trips. [headbanging music plays]

I used to have a really bad sense of direction. When I first started driving, I would get lost quite frequently and for quite long periods of time. Years ago, a friend asked me to pick her up from DFW Airport. Neither of us lived in the DFW area, so neither one of us was 100% familiar with the area. I think this was way back in 2000, before I owned a map of the DFW area, before I owned a cell phone, and before Google Maps, Mapquest, and GPSs were ubiquitous. So, I asked my friend for directions to the airport. She said, "Just follow the signs."

Heh, heh, heh.

I was naive enough to believe my friend's directions were that simple. I didn't know any better. So, I didn't own a handheld electronic device that was capable of giving me detailed directions to the airport. And I didn't know that because I didn't own such a device, I should have at least found a computer with the internet and found a map that way. (Did Mapquest exist back then?) And I didn't know that I should have at least stopped at a convenience store somewhere and purchased a hardcopy map. Instead, I chose to "Just follow the signs" and hope I'd find the airport. You can't miss a big thing like an airport in the middle of a big city, right?

Heh, heh, heh.

I had a terrible experience. I got severely lost. I drove around aimlessly. I did my best to follow the signs, but I'd miss my exits, or I'd exit too early, or I'd go in the wrong direction, or I'd guess that something looked like an airport, and I was wrong, and etc., etc., etc. I even stopped at one convenience store to ask for directions to the airport, and the guy behind the counter made fun of me. During this time in my life, I was battling depression, so this series of failures wasn't helping me at all. I'm pretty sure I was praying, I possibly was crying, and I was definitely frustrated. Because I didn't own a cell phone, and because my friend didn't have a cell phone, and because I didn't know how I could contact her at the airport to tell her I was running late, I had no way to communicate my lost-ness to her. So, after I finally found the airport and finally found my friend, I was 2 hours late to pick her up.

Heh, heh, heh.

Unfortunately, she and I aren't friends anymore, and fortunately, I used that experience to decide once and for all that cell phones can really come in handy.

"Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day." (Psalm 25:4-5)

Years later, after I moved into an apartment that was very near DFW Airport and began to settle more deeply into the area, I realized that during my crazy 2-hour delay in 2000, I possibly got lost in Southlake. Or maybe it was Colleyville. Hmm. Sometimes the suburbs all run together. But they are nowhere near the airport.

This evening, I was reminded of my 2-hour delay from 2000. I needed to pick something up in Fort Worth, but I was driving from Dallas, and I had researched on Google Maps where I needed to go. I own a cell phone, but it doesn't have the internet, and to this day, I refuse to own a GPS. But, thanks to God, my sense of direction is much better than it used to be. As a kinesthetic learner who has driven on many DFW roads, I'm mainly familiar with where I need to go, so I go, and if I make a wrong turn, I turn back. No mental health crises this time, hallelujah. Yes, I got lost this evening, but I was happy to have found my destination safely, and now I'm safely here at home telling you about it. And yes, I was talking to God during my spontaneous road trip, and yes, He was talking to me, too, and He was definitely showing me where to go.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

I heard a pastor at my church say once that sometimes God is like a GPS. If you make a wrong turn, the GPS will recalculate your destination and reroute you to where you need to be. And I think to a degree, that's definitely true. But I really don't think God is completely like a GPS.

I may change my mind sometime in the future, but right now I hate GPSs. I've never used one myself, but being inside a vehicle that had a talking one was a frustrating experience. I don't think the GPS completely knew what it was doing. Sometimes it would tell us to turn AFTER we were supposed to have turned. Or if the GPS didn't know that certain streets existed yet, because they had been built after the GPS was designed, it couldn't tell us where to turn, so we were on our own. How helpful was any of that supposed to be? The GPS was full of crap.

Heh, heh, heh. If you think God is like that, prepare to have your paradigm blown to smithereens.

When I'm lost and God is giving me directions, He rarely seems to be in a hurry. He values my safety more than He values my accuracy. If I freak out because I don't know where I'm going, or if I'm just lost, He calms me down, helps my eye to see whatever sign I need to see, and clears the traffic so that I can drive safely to the next turn. He is right on time with helping me make all of the turns I need to make. He knows exactly where every street is, no matter when they were built. He is extremely helpful, and He is the ultimate Helper. And He is definitely NOT full of crap.

Of course, I mean literally and metaphorically. God is my Father. He and I have a relationship with each other, so we hang out and talk while I drive. If I ask Him where I need to turn or which street I need to take, He shows me. But He isn't a micromanager. If I accidentally get lost, He doesn't freak out or get mad. He doesn't get anxious. Sometimes He shows me shortcuts. Other times, He tells me to take the long way if it's safer.

"Also it is not good for a soul to be without knowledge, and he sins who hastens with his feet." (Proverbs 19:2)

I've noticed that a lot of places in Tarrant County aren't well lit at night. I'm guessing they keep it dark outside to discourage us from venturing out at night. So, sometimes when I'm out on my spontaneous road trips, and if I'm lost or am just generally unfamiliar with a road at night, I'll drive very slowly while making a turn so that I don't accidentally jump a curb or accidentally drive on the wrong side of the road or anything like that. (Back in 1999-2000, I did those things a few times. I don't recommend that.) Fortunately, Tarrant County drivers are usually a tiny bit more patient than Dallas County drivers. (In Dallas County, if you sit for more than 1.5 seconds at a green light, you'll get honked at.)

If I'm driving around in my metaphorical car, and if I don't have a metaphorical GPS or a metaphorically exact map with me, I don't have to guess where to turn. If something looks shiny and distracting, I don't have to veer towards it. I have God to hang out with me, talk to me, and tell me exactly where to turn and where to go. He will keep me safe and help me reach my destination, even if the other metaphorical drivers around me think I'm going too slow. God won't make fun of me. He'll keep me safe, and He'll keep everyone around me safe. The other day, I was taking a way home that I don't usually take, and I decided to take a left turn on a street that usually leads to a shortcut. Except I accidentally turned too early, and I ended up in a turning lane I think for the opposite direction, so when I turned, I wasn't completely aimed at a driveway, and I realized that I was stuck in the middle of the road, so I panicked a tiny bit, but the road was clear, and I stumbled onto another road that turned out to be an even shorter shortcut than what I was thinking of doing. I made a mistake, but nobody got hurt, and I discovered something new and helpful.

If I get lost, He'll help me get back on track. I think that's amazing.

"Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." (Luke 7:47)

Now it's time for this post to go in a slightly different direction. I used to be a Pharisee. I remember what it was like to think that going to church was boring, God was a ticket out of hell, and He was obligated to protect me because I was doing stuff for Him. But now I know that going to church isn't boring because people ARE church and because a church service is an event in which regular human beings can meet with the God of the universe who made them, where they can connect with Him in a way that makes them forget all about the earth they live in, and where they can be mysteriously/wonderfully reminded of the heaven that's their real home. Now I know that God isn't just the right thing to do or the right Person to please, and I know that praying a salvation prayer to let Jesus into your heart isn't just a ticket out of hell, and I know that God... the one and only true God of the universe... He wants to be my Friend? He wants to infuse His presence into every tiny little mundane situation of my life? He wants to share Himself and His life with me? forever? starting now and ending never? for really? Oh, my gosh, you gotta be effing kidding me. For reals. Like, this isn't a joke. Like, this is 100% true, and it seems too good to be true, except that it really IS both good AND true. How am I ever supposed to get over that? How could I possibly ever be the same again? He's a Person who made me, chose me, wants me, fixes me, and loves me? And all I have to do is give Him everything I have, everything I am, everything I was, everything I'm going to be, as if I had anything to do with any of that in the first place? Shucks. And on top of all that, God wants me to call Him DADDY? As in, He's not ashamed of me? As in, He wants to give me His inheritance? As in, He wants me to be in His family? Daddy, where do I sign? And now I know that He protects me because He loves me, I love Him, I belong to Him, and because He's merciful, He's gracious, He's faithful, and He's God, whether He chooses to protect me or not. Hmm. He chooses to keep me safe. He chooses to save me. He chooses me.

I still can't get over the fact that I was expected to get over how wonderful God is. He's awesome. It's called AWEsome for a reason. God deserves for us to stand in AWE of Him. If somebody you love walked up to you without a smile, without eye contact, and mumbled, "Praise you. I love you. OK, I served you. Can I go home now?" I'm not exactly sure how that would bless you. But if somebody you love walked up to you with tears in their eyes, possibly sobbing openly, possibly even smiling, possibly allowing their tears to flow over your feet before drying them off with their hair, or maybe if they'd simply clasp their hands on your shoulders, look you in the eye, and say, "I love you. I'm really glad I know you. You really are the best. Would you like to have dinner with me?" that would probably bless your socks off.

Wait. If your feet are getting washed, you probably already took your socks off. But I hope you see my point.

I still can't get over the fact that I was counseled to not be surprised whenever God would answer prayer. And I would counsel people the same way. I would feel blown off whenever I'd express awe over something God did or a characteristic that God has. And I probably made people feel the same way.

No way. God rescued me from that life. I don't drive my car in that part of town anymore. I don't care how beautiful the bridge to get there looks like. That beautifully lit bridge leads to a bad neighborhood that I should probably avoid, especially after dark. I messed up. And God has been fixing everything.

The other day, I examined the inside of my mouth and realized how awesomely the gum-hole at the bottom of my jaw is healing. I took my dental syringe, pressed it inside my gum-hole, and felt new bone growing where a rotting wisdom tooth used to be. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, I was probably crying, and I told my Daddy, "You did that." My God, who exists, healed up my gum-hole to form new bone where there was once decay and the potential for serious nerve damage. He healed it. He's still healing it. And I was able to have a moment in front of my bathroom mirror and simply be in AWE of my God and His works. And nobody was around to make fun of my moment or squelch it. I am my Beloved's and He is mine, and I don't ever want to get over that. And I don't think He wants me to, either.

OK, so I ended up referring to this previous post also. And I neglected to post a cat photo!

Heh, heh, heh. I can fix that.