Who's your Daddy?

I tried to take an adorable photo of my cats begging for their evening snack, but I ended up getting an awesome candid shot of Macho sniffing Choochie's butt. I've discovered that cats tend to sniff each other's butts for the same reason that dogs do (as a greeting), but they also seem to use the gesture in other ways as well. They seem to use the butt-sniffing gesture as a way of pushing the other cat out of the way (which is what Macho is probably doing in this picture) or as a way of saying, "Hey, your butt stinks. Don't be lazy with your grooming." Sigh. But I'm just a crazy cat lady who's enamored with the adorableness of her babies. They know that I endeavor to take good care of them, whether it's giving them a snack or showing off their adorable candid shots or snuggling with Choochie while I'm typing and she's staring at my computer. I'm their Mama.

So, who's my Daddy?

I haven't seen many episodes of Duck Dynasty yet, but I've enjoyed what I've seen so far. I think what's stuck out the most to me was on a commercial for the show. From what I remember about the promo, Phil Robertson was helping his grandchildren assemble a dollhouse or some sort of outdoor play contraption. It was a miniature plastic building that lacked a window. Phil was like, "You want a window? I'll give you a window." So, he revved up his chainsaw and saw-carved a window into the plastic roof. Children screamed, Phil was pleased, and no laughtrack was required.

"For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." (Psalm 84:10-11)

About 2 or 3 weeks ago, a pastor at my church preached a sermon about the fear of man. Proverbs 29:25 mentions the fear of man, but my quirky right-brained definition of the fear of man is "worshiping what other people think of you." While I grew up in a Pharisee's house, quite frankly, the fear of man was one of the driving forces that controlled almost every decision that was made. I think that meant that everything in the family had to look good, even at the cost of your daughter's innocence, safety, etc. So, after I heard this sermon at church 2 or 3 weeks ago, God told me, "You were raised by demons. I'm healing it by raising you Myself." I definitely don't think that means that the people who raised me were demons; I think that just means that they unintentionally did whatever the demons told them to do. So, God has had lots of cleaning up to do. "Sniff, sniff. Greetings. Your butt stinks."

Who's my Daddy? God's my Daddy.

This evening at church, the way I spent the year 2013 kinda flashed quickly before my eyes. I remembered the day I gave up and lay in bed depressed and God encouraged me to get up, I remembered the evening I was extremely oppressed and could see the devil in my face but I worshiped God on my guitar anyway, I remembered the times I drove home from work bawling like a baby and God hung out with me. He's faithful, and I'm thankful. I'm still in one piece! Recently, He showed me how hard 2013 has been for me (hence all the blogging), and He said that if He had shown me how difficult it was going to be ahead of time, I wouldn't have wanted to go through with it. He was right! It was kind of a "Duh" moment. Numbers really can be symbolic. I've heard that 7 means perfection, 8 means new beginnings, I think 14 means double perfection, and I think 13 means imperfection. (Sorry, I don't believe in bad luck.)

At the beginning of this year, right after I stepped down from lifegroup leadership, God was like, "You've taken care of other people. Now it's time to take care of you." So, He revved up His chainsaw and went to work. It was almost as if He had said, "So, those classes at church aren't specific enough for you, huh? You want Freedom? I'll give you some Freedom." I screamed, God was pleased, and a laughtrack probably would have been inappropriate.

No, I'm not saying that God my Daddy is a sadistic dictator who likes to hear me scream. I'm saying that God my Daddy is the most powerful, most efficient, most merciful, most gracious, most loving Person in the universe who knew how much cleanup my soul needed, and He went to town. Have you ever had to do some sort of cleaning job that was really disgusting, but it was over quickly, and afterwards, you barely even remember how dirty it was? Kinda like cleaning a toilet? "Oh, this is nasty, this is nasty, this is nasty... Ahhh, that Clorox sure knows how to make porcelain sparkle. Wow, this toilet smells nice." That's kinda like how 2013 was for me.

So, Daddy and I will spend the rest of the year celebrating. Lately, He's been mostly quiet, but I'm OK with that, and so is He. He hasn't been 100% silent, though.

Lately, I've needed a good dose of hope, and God reminded me that He has good plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope, like it says in Jeremiah 29:11. He also made Psalm 84 click for me. I think I've read that particular psalm zillions of times, but I think I finally get it now. (And in the years to come, I'll probably have even more things click in it for me.) From a recovering orphan's perspective, it reads something like this:

"I love Your house, God! It's so awesome here! Wait. Why does everybody else here get better treatment than I do? Dang it, even the birds have nests here! Why can't I just have one teensy, tiny little place carved out for me??!"

"Uh, little girl, open your eyes. There's desert, desert, everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Let Me be the One who gives you fresh water in a dry place. You want water? I'll rev up My chainsaw and carve out a spigot for you."

"D'oh! You're right, Daddy. I'm sorry. Just as long as I get to live in Your house, I'll be a crummy little doorkeeper, if You want. Please just let me stay here. Wait. You mean... You have more blessings up Your sleeve?"

"Did you honestly think that I would withhold blessings from you? Did you honestly think that I would withhold favor from you? Did you honestly think that I would withhold people from you? Did you honestly think that I would withhold any good thing from you -- you, My daughter, who are walking as uprightly as you can? I'll bless you with all that plus more. I'll be your Sun all the time, especially when it's dark outside. I'll be your Shield all the time, because our enemy truly hates your guts. And I truly love you. I'm your Daddy, and you're My little girl."

I didn't know what it was like to grow up with a manly daddy who hunted and fished and liked sports and fixed cars, who went out of his way to fix things for his kids, or who went out of his way to spend time with his kids. I didn't know what it was like to grow up with a womanly mommy who cried at the drop of a hat and kissed boo-boos and went to PTA meetings and had playdates with other stay-at-home mommies, who diligently took pictures of her kids to document and celebrate their milestones, or who was dangerously protective of her kids. I grew up with an insecure daddy who once insinuated that his catching a cold was my fault because he wore the knit cap that I bought him for Christmas, when I was an adult, while he was gardening in the drizzling rain. I grew up with a gossipy mommy who folded laundry with the TV on while Luke and Laura did rated-R things on a soap opera when I was 5 years old. Sorry about your cold, but I don't remember forcing you to wear a knit cap in the rain. Sorry about my need for Freedom ministry, but perhaps I shouldn't have been exposed to adult TV when I was 5.

But now I know what it's like to have a benevolent-dictator Daddy who takes charge, plans ahead, goes out of His way to fix things for me, and looks forward to spending time with me. Now I know what it's like to have a mighty-protective Daddy who cries with me, kisses my boo-boos, connects me with other people, enjoys celebrating milestones with me, and who truly is the most dangerous Mama Bear to ever cross. He takes care of Me. He protects me. He loves me. He wants me. He's my Daddy. And I'm His little girl, forever.

You won't find any of that on Greg's List.