Intimacy

Married people, especially married people with children, probably have much different perspectives on this particular subject than I do. But tonight, you're going to get the crazy cat lady's rated-G perspective.

"You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether." (Psalm 139:2-4)

Sometimes after I come home and settle down in the evening, my little cat finds me, sits on my thigh, and purrs. I don't speak felinese, but I'm pretty sure she's just enjoying my company. While I write this particular paragraph, she's currently perching on my torso and purring.

She gets extremely close to me. There have been a few occasions when she's gotten so close while I'm typing that she's stepped on a couple of buttons, deactivated my mouse, or crashed Word, or accidentally caused some sort of technical malfunction that required me to reboot my laptop. I also felt her chewing on my clothes the other day while I was wearing them. In her particular case, it's probably her pica (a tendency to eat non-food items). But I allow her to accidentally crash my word processor or chew on my jammies -- things that I honestly wouldn't let anybody else do -- because of who she is to me.

Sometimes she gets too close to me. This morning at 2:30 a.m., I woke up to a sharp pain inside my nostril and a little cat standing over me on my pillow. Yes, she scratched my nostril, more than likely in an attempt to crawl underneath my covers for a short moment of warmth that interrupted my night and just plain hurt. But I let her get away with it -- and seriously, anyone else would have probably gotten a right jab -- because of who she is to me.

But she's just a little cat, right? Wrong. She's MY little cat.

Choochie is part of my little feline family. I have my name on her vet bills. She has my phone number on one of her tags. I have a spot on my couch for her to crash on. She gives herself a little spot on my bed while we all sleep at night. She knows she has a place in my home and in my life, and she helps herself to my presence whenever she feels like it. Right this second, for example, she trilled at me and is about to pounce on my torso again. She has that crazy look in her eye... Come on, Choochie, don't hold back... You know where you belong... There ya go. Good girl. Except for a few boundaries I have in place, there is absolutely no reason for her to not be as close to me as she wants.

Of course, it's the same way with me and God. (Or with you and God.)

Sometimes I catch myself wrestling with intimacy issues, while I'm trying to hang out with people. Did I hold back too much from this person? Did I share too much with this person? Why did I tell this person my life story if I'm never going to see them again? Why didn't I let myself get close to this person, when they turned out to be perfectly safe and perfectly faithful? Was I way too cautious? Was I way too careless? And it's a balancing act, and it's a good thing to work through with God. People have boundaries, and I have to respect them. I have boundaries, and when people don't respect them, that's all kinds of red flags.

But I don't think God has that many boundaries. Of course, there are plenty that He clarifies in scripture: laws to follow, seeds to sow, dimensions to exist in, etc. But other than that, I think He's as open with me as I am with Choochie, if not more so. I think He wants me to be as intimate with Him as I want. I think He wants me to help myself to His presence whenever I want. I'm not really talking about the tabernacle structure of worship. I'm talking about being a little girl who lives in His house and won't ever move out, never ever ever. I've got eternal access to His kitchen, His dining room, His living room, His throne room, His private chambers, etc. No, He probably wouldn't be cool with me scratching His nostril at 2:30 a.m., but He wouldn't be trying to sleep, anyway, because He never gets tired or sleeps. I'm free to climb up into His lap, stare at Him, grab hold of His hair, shower His face with kisses, snuggle with Him, whatever I want. And I daresay there's even more intimacy that He wants to show me.

God is the highest, most powerful Being in the universe -- He's the One who MADE the universe -- so He can definitely be pretty intimidating. But He isn't unapproachable -- not if you belong to Jesus.

God isn't a far-away Deity who likes to keep as much distance from us disgusting little humans as possible. He became a human Himself, so there isn't anything snobby about Him at all. Why do we have to be so comfortable keeping Him at a distance? I think this breaks His heart.

I think He wants us to treat Him like family, because if we belong to Jesus, that's exactly what Father God is to us -- Family. Or if "family" isn't a close relationship to you, He's also a Friend. Whatever that means to you, I think God just wants you to be as comfortable enough around Him as my little cat is around me. Maybe He wouldn't mind if you were to chew on His robe. Maybe He likes it when you sit on His thigh and stare at Him in adoration. Maybe He likes it when you stalk Him and pounce on Him as if He were the most treasured Person in your house. Maybe He likes to be the only One who's worthy of such a title.

As for me, I would like to see how close He and I can get to one another without the intimacy killing me. Hmm. Actually, it just might. In a good way.

I may also need to guard my nostrils in the middle of the night. Ow!