Those people

So, I've already blogged 11 times this month. Why not make it an even 12?

I'd quote that "Do not judge" verse from Matthew 7, but, well, I don't exactly want to categorize the behavior I'm about to describe as "judging." That could get dangerous.

I would just like to offer a bit of caution, probably mixed in with a lot of opinion, baked in years of observation. And I hope I won't accidentally rip off any teaching(s) that I've heard at church. Thank you in advance for reading.

I think it's very dangerous to use the phrase "those people" to describe somebody who's different than you, somebody you don't like, somebody you don't agree with, somebody you've probably never even met, etc. (Variations to the phrase "those people" would be "these people," "that crowd," "them," etc.) Because I love you, I just want to point out that "those people" could be a red flag that you could be accidentally walking in a religious spirit, because, well... "those people" is a phrase that Pharisees tend to throw around quite a bit. Take it from the chick who was raised by wolves. Take it from the chick who grew up to become a wolf herself.

What I'm talking about is categorizing people unfairly, unnecessarily, more than likely because you accidentally think you're better than they are. In general, of course there's nothing wrong with categorizing people. It's easier that way. Many categories come naturally. For example, visionary philosophers like me (which I scored on a personality quiz years ago) would rather blog while eating dinner than watch television. Sometimes it's helpful to know which category you fit in so that you can understand yourself better. My fitting into the visionary philosophy category helps me understand why I tend to choose chocolate as a snack and why I could spontaneously erupt in philosophy at any time like a meditative volcano. See? I'm not a freak.

But I think blindly categorizing a person as one of "those people" accidentally causes you to see a person as a freak, or perhaps it creates a very big distance between you and the other person. (When I say "you," I mean anybody.) And I've done it, too. But I would like to offer some examples of how people have probably accidentally categorized me as a "those people":

"Oh, no, you're a morning person?? You better not be singing Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah at 5 a.m.!"

"So, you like cats? How many do you have? Like, 7?"

"You're Mexican? That means you have to be Catholic, because all Mexicans are Catholic!"

"You like music, right? Would you like to come to a rock concert with me?"

"You couldn't possibly like music that people in their 50s like."

So, please let me set the record straight. Yes, I was up at 5 this morning, but I have possibly never sung Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah. I only have 2 cats; one is currently resting 4 feet away, and another one is currently perching on my thigh. I'm half-Mexican, and I grew up Southern Baptist. Yes, I like music, but that's like saying that I like to eat food; could you please understand that I have certain tastes and that I can be very picky? Speaking of, just because I was born in the mid-70s doesn't mean I can't get into Queen, especially their early albums. (In fact, I'm seriously considering playing their song "Ogre Battle" in the background the next time I give my babies some catnip.)

My point is that putting a person into a "those people" category creates a distance that almost completely kills any kind of growing relationship with them. Why would you want to associate with "those people," anyway? Do you see what I mean?

As a fiction writer, I understand that putting any kind of character into a "those people" category -- in other words, a 2-dimentional stereotype -- isn't even good storytelling. (Unless, of course, you're going for something like a comic strip or Lemonchicky.) A good character in a fiction story will have depth to him or her. Maybe a really good villain will be someone who continuously makes bad choices until the climax of the story, when the author flashes back to the villain's childhood, and then you understand how he or she became the villain, and then your heart softens for him or her when you see him or her wrestling with whether or not he or she should take out the protagonist, and then you scream in shock when the villain finally decides -- despite the wrestlings -- to remain a villain. (I think I just described Darth Vader?)

I understand that analyzing various things about life, including people, is important, but I think sometimes it can be taken a bit too far. I think that's one reason why I think the Five Love Languages is a load of hooey. I say if you find out that somebody's love language is physical touch, why should you go out of your way to slobber all over them? Or (especially) why should you allow them to slobber all over you? Why would you even want to imprison yourself in a love language category? If you love somebody, just tell them or show them. If they don't get it, find another way to communicate it to them until they finally understand that you care. Love is so strong that it has a way of communicating itself if you just keep showing up or if you just wait long enough. (Jesus dying on the cross for me is probably the biggest demonstration of love that anyone could have ever given me, but understanding that His suffering was a demonstration of love for me has taken years to sink in. I think love is either there, or it's not.)

If a person tells you that their love language is physical touch, and all you do is hug them every time you see them, where's the excitement? Where's the unpredictability? Where's the spontaneity? Where's the romance? Where's the life? Life breathes. It grows. It moves. It changes. Different needs arise at different times. Adaptability is crucial. Plans change. Life continues. You oftentimes don't know what you're going to experience until you actually experience it.

So, just calling a person a "those people" can bring death. Pharisees do it all the time. I used to think that "those people" who were depressed and needed therapy just needed to get with the program... until one day I found myself smack-dab in the middle of a brand-new program. I understood firsthand why "those people" couldn't just wave a magic wand and instantly get better. "Those people" needed real help, and now I myself was one of "those people."

Speaking of therapy, this book just came in the mail today, and I'm excited to start reading it for therapy.

My suggestion for putting an end to lumping human beings into "those people" categories is simply getting to know people, one human being at a time. Every person has a different history, a different testimony, a different story. Getting to know a human being as a person is something that can take a tremendous amount of time, but I think it's well worth the effort and investment. Doing so can build a relationship, form a healthy bond, add a helpful perspective, or even cure loneliness.

So, what I wrote about in this post is simply something I've had on my mind for a while. The next time you're about to label a person as "those people," please reconsider. Otherwise, it could get dangerous.