Myself

I once knew a guy who said something very profound: "God will move if we will just be ourselves."

I have a very fond childhood memory from the fourth grade. My class was celebrating the end of the year with a field day at a park. I think students from other classes, or possibly the whole school, were there enjoying the sunshine and the outdoors. For whatever reason, I ended up participating in a three-legged race. I had a partner, I had not practiced at all, I am not an athletically inclined person whatsoever, and I don't think I really have a competitive bone in my body. There was no pressure whatsoever to do or not do anything on that carefree day. But from what I can remember, my partner and I each placed one leg inside a burlap bag, thought up a very quick strategy, and then ready, set, go... and in a matter of seconds, we won! That was a very nice surprise.

When I woke up that morning, it was not my goal to win a three-legged race. But it was a goal that I had almost accidentally achieved. I think now I know why: I was simply being myself.

"Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it." (1 Corinthians 9:24)

I think one of the worst ways that a human being can harm another human being is by preventing him or her from being himself or herself. If you want to hurt me, force me into a box, poke air holes in it, and then seal it up so that I won't be able to escape out of it. Stifle me that way, and I will be excruciatingly unhappy and ineffective.

Using my cats as silly (and adorable) examples, I need to expect my cats to be cats. If I expect them to bark, wag their tails, and go for controlled walks outside on a leash, I will be wildly disappointed and frustrated, and my cats will more than likely need to visit a pet therapist. ("So, your mama tells me that she loves you; how do you feel about that?" "Wow.") But if I expect them to chase a mouse when it scurries across the floor, stealthily explore cramped spaces, and take a six-hour nap every day, I won't be disappointed, and my cats will be fulfilled as purposefully created creatures. If I expect my cats to be dogs, life will be heck for all of us. If I expect my cats to be cats, all of us will be able to enjoy our lives.

One very interesting thing about this season of my life is that I'm finally getting to see how God ultimately created me. He's like, "Oh... she's waking up." I think I've got huge pieces of crust around my eyes, an aching back, and really nasty morning breath. Wow.

For many years, I was told that I should become a teacher and/or a pharmacist. There's nothing wrong with these professions, of course. It's just that they're not ME. The little girl who used to play with the family's old typewriter, the teenager who used to fall asleep with piano chords in her head -- THAT'S me. When I'm stifled, life sucks, and I lose. When I'm allowed to be myself, life is free, and I win.

I think David experienced a similar thing in 1 Samuel 17. He didn't waste any time trying to conform to the limited loser mentality of the people around him. He was like, "We have a giant problem? I can take care of it, because I know a God who can take him down." Saul was like, "Sweet, you can wear my armor." David was like, "No, thank you, this is really awkward for me. Why don't you stand back and just let me be myself?" So, he found five smooth stones and did his thang.

David was just being himself, and God moved. David wasn't Saul. David was David. My cats aren't dogs. They're cats. I'm not you. I'm me.

If I'm being forced or strongly influenced to be or to become someone or something I'm not, I'll more than likely feel suffocated or stifled. If I'm feeling suffocated or stifled, I may feel the need to escape. You know who else feels the need to escape? Prisoners.

I am not a prisoner. I am a princess.

This princess likes to nurture cats, write blog posts, compose songs, live vicariously through Lemonchicky, surf social media, think deeply, experiment on her keyboard, and sing Queen, ABBA, and Carpenters songs to God during her "quiet times."

This princess does not like to plan lessons, grade papers, kiss up to parents and administrators, decorate classrooms, or educate students. This princess does not like to think scientifically, read doctors' handwriting, measure out prescriptions, do pharmaceutical customer service, or wear a white lab coat. In fact, this princess does not have a desire to do any of that.

I think that's because God didn't give this princess a desire to do anything in the previous paragraph. I think maybe God gave this princess a desire to do everything that she wrote about two paragraphs ago instead.

And when I say "this princess," I mean me.

I think life gets complicated when we suffocate and stifle people. I think life gets easier when we simply allow (and equip) people to be themselves.

Oooh, I found a picture of my cat that I took a couple of months ago. Oh... she's waking up.