This extremely adorable
cat photo is just a distraction of cuteness. In this blog post, I will talk
about scary things.
In this season of my
life, I usually only get about 4-5 hours of sleep each night. Sometimes on the
weekends, I get to sleep in. I think last night, I got 9 hours of sleep. When I
sleep for that long, I usually have crazy dreams. I will now tell you about one
of them.
In my dream, I was
employed by a very scary woman. I think she ran a retail shop, and I think I
had a job organizing stuff or doing clerical stuff. Even though she was scary,
she was honestly kinda dorky. She was Asian and nerdlike, and she was very fat,
probably morbidly obese. I think she wore a sleeveless dress and was very
sedentary, so she really didn't move, but she talked nonstop. And her face was
covered with ice. It took me awhile during the dream to realize that ice was
actually growing out of her face, almost as if she were sweating it out and it
was sticking to her face like ice on a frozen, slushy sidewalk. She was evil.
This part of my dream is a bit vague, but if I remember correctly, when
customers would enter her shop, she would threaten to kill them, and they would
actually die, sort of like a bad horror movie. I don't remember seeing any gore
or hearing any sinister soundtrack, but I remember her destroying innocent
people, and all she would do was talk. She just sat there in her morbid
obesity, with ice growing out of her face, and she wouldn't shut up with her
death words. So, the next day of my shift, I didn't want to go to work. I sat
in my car, called the police, and reported her activity. Then I think I woke
up.
I was drowsily trying to
process that really crazy-scary dream, and I asked Jesus what He would have
done if He had been in that dream. He showed me a picture of Him standing and
facing the woman while He stretched His hand out, and He shouted,
"Jezebel, come out!"
I was still trying to
figure out what the dream meant, and He was like, "You escaped."
"I removed his
shoulder from the burden; his hands were freed from the baskets. You called in
trouble, and I delivered you; I answered you in the secret place of thunder; I
tested you at the waters of Meribah. Selah." (Psalm 81:6-7)
"And to the angel
of the church in Thyatira, write, 'These things says the Son of God, who has
eyes like a flame of fire, and His feet like fine brass: "I know your
works, love, service, faith, and your patience; and as for your works, the last
are more than the first. Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because
you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and
seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to
idols. And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not
repent. Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery
with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds. I will kill
her children with death, and all the churches shall know that I am He who
searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to
your works." ' " (Revelation 2:18-23)
Since I was pretty much
raised by a Jezebel spirit (and an Ahab spirit), it makes sense that Jezebel
will show up at random times during my healing process. From what I understand,
she's gone, she's not in my life anymore. I think it's kind of like my
emotional healing process is like a long, drawn-out court battle, and Jezebel
is one of the star witnesses. Maybe the prosecution is questioning her in prison or something. Or maybe Jesus is getting questioned. "Is it true that Tirzah was not even allowed to donate money to Compassion International?" "Yes, sir. Jezebel's
intrusiveness was choking the life out of her. That is one reason why I prompted her to move
into a completely different apartment without help from anyone but Me, even if
it meant hiring movers with a credit card." [shocked gasps from courtroom
audience]
Anyway, I think maybe
that's why Jezebel showed up in a dream last night, but I don't think she was
talking to me. I think it was like watching a movie, and Jesus was like,
"I got this. You escaped. Didn't she look horrible?" Indeed. I think
maybe that whole iced-over face was symbolism? Hmm. I think Foreigner could
describe her well in my dream. She was as cold as ice. She was willing to sacrifice
our love. She wanted paradise. But someday she'll pace the price. (Now that I
think about it, she sort of looked like the Dune
character Baron Harkonnen.) Have I mentioned lately that I'm in psychotherapy?
But I escaped. God led
me out of my family, away from the rank unhealthiness, and to a place where I
can take a step back and examine the living horror movie. I'm not saying that my
story is more severe than anyone else's. I understand that many other people have probably
experienced worse things that I have. But my story is my story. I belonged to
people who created an environment that was hurting me so badly that I had to
escape it forever.
Today while I was reading
my therapy book and seeing so many pieces start to fit together, I told God
thank You. I'm extremely thankful that He called me out of my family. My healing process has been taking
forever, but I think I've been seeing lots of steady improvement, and I am so
thankful that God has been helping me. I'm glad some Parent finally put His
foot down and was like, "OK, that's enough. Tirzah, let's amscray."
I'm not exactly sure how
to end this post. I'm just thankful. I'm thankful that God delivered me from
Jezebel's power-clutches of obsession, her bottomless pit of toxins, and her
torrent of stenchy death. I'm glad He thinks I'm worth rescuing.
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