Normal

This post is rated R for really gross bathroom stories.

This is a picture of a fairly typical scene in my living room: two cats almost literally in my face, all up in my business, extremely comfortable with me and around me, highly involved in almost every aspect of my life. When I play my guitar, Macho (the one on the left) leaves the room, and Choochie (the one on the right) stays. When I play my keyboard, Macho jumps on top of the couch nearby to listen to me. When I eat breakfast, Choochie perches next to my cereal bowl and purrs.

This life is normal for me, but I completely understand that it isn't normal for everybody, and it isn't even normal for all cat owners. But this is my normal. This is adjustable normal.

Years ago, humorist Patsy Clairmont wrote a book called Normal Is Just A Setting On Your Dryer. It's a great book. I highly recommend it. It's very funny throughout, with extended anecdotes, but it also has some very serious truths in it. One of her biggest points in the book is that staying current with your emotions is extremely important.

The title of Clairmont's book became almost a household catchphrase in Christian circles. Her ideas were what I basically described above: What's normal for one person isn't necessarily normal for another person, and the concept of "normal" is an overrated, unrealistic goal to shoot for, anyway. This is what I also referred to above as adjustable normal.

I completely stopped cooking for myself about 15 months ago. I eat out, I takeout, I drive-thru, I eat cereal, I eat PB&J, I toast bagels (and sometimes sandwiches), and I warm up TV dinners, soups, etc., in the microwave. Technically, this isn't cooking. This is warming up. But this is my normal. This is adjustable normal. This is what has consistently been working for me for the past 15 months. If you cook for yourself and/or your family from scratch, your adjustable normal is completely different from my adjustable normal.

But I don't completely agree with Patsy Clairmont on the overratedness of "normal" anymore. I believe now that some things are supposed to be normal all the time. Some things are supposed to be normal normal.

I've heard and read that the average human being poops at least once every other day. However, that isn't my normal. I try to eat a relatively high amount of fiber, so I poop twice per day. That is my adjustable normal.

So, when my toilet stopped working properly this past Friday night, that was very bad news. When I would flush, water would come up, but it wouldn't go down... until about 45 minutes later. I tried unclogging it multiple times, but it still wouldn't work. Unfortunately, maintenance at my apartment complex likes to move slower than molasses running uphill, so I knew they probably wouldn't get to my maintenance request for a few days. (And toilet water wasn't overflowing, so it technically wasn't a maintenance emergency.)

So, I had to get creative. Technically, my toilet was OK for peeing, but there was no way in heck I was going to poop in there if the toilet wasn't going to flush down its contents, not if maintenance wasn't going to fix my Friday problem until Tuesday. So, I decided to make special trips to Target and Walgreens during the weekend just to poop. (Yes, I bought stuff there, too. You're welcome, retail chains.) Yes, I totally could have called a friend, but honestly I would have felt embarrassed and extremely awkward. ("Hey, honey, Tirzah wants to come over so she can poop. Is that OK?") And God and I are totally on this "doing things as a family together" kick lately, just Him and me. So, we took at least one family field trip to Target. It was adventurous indeed, and I'm glad it happened during a weekend.

But even the adventure was an extremely inconvenient weekend setup. Being able to pee and/or poop anytime you need to isn't supposed to be an adjustable normal. That's supposed to be normal normal. It affected EVERYTHING about my weekend. I decided to scale back the fiber, water, and caffeine that I usually ingest. Every meal decision, every time I got thirsty, every time I would get in my car and drive somewhere -- all of that would affect whether or not I would need to have a working toilet available to me. Last night and this morning, I had a headache from lack of coffee and water. (After I visited the McDonald's drive-thru and got my Sausage McMuffin With Egg, along with some McCafé, I was good to go.)

This morning, I called the office of my apartment complex and followed up on my maintenance request. When I returned home this evening and discovered that they did indeed fix my toilet, I uttered a thoroughly sincere "Glory, hallelujah." I gave you some TMI details of my weekend, but there are other details in this story that I really don't want to share. Glory, hallelujah indeed!

So, in my bathroom, life is back to normal normal, as it should be. And the rest of my life's adjustable normal routines can proceed as planned.

Honestly, I did not plan to share this past weekend's bathroom adventures with the entire world, but I did so just to prove my point, which I will repeat: Some things are supposed to be normal normal.

"For He will deliver the needy when he cries, the poor also, and him who has no helper. He will spare the poor and needy, and will save the souls of the needy. He will redeem their life from oppression and violence; and precious shall be their blood in His sight." (Psalm 72:12-14)

I don't wish to get into any arguments here on this online setting. I wish to communicate my beliefs. I wish to tell my life story. I wish to gush about how much I love God my Family, the One who hangs out with me and who does crazy things with me like accompany me on special pooping field trips to Target and Walgreens.

The fact that God exists isn't my adjustable normal. That's normal normal. The fact that the Bible is true isn't my adjustable normal, and I can't make stuff in it mean whatever I want it to mean. The Bible is normal normal. Sure, there are some outdated things in there like stoning and slavery that should probably be adjusted to fit our culture... and yet things like stoning and slavery still exist in our culture today. (For example, I've gotten stoned with words at my job, but I haven't been able to leave yet because I'm a slave to my creditors.)

The fact that God loves me is normal normal. The fact that God wants me is normal normal. The fact that God heals me, restores me, and rebuilds me is normal normal. The fact that God empowers me to walk in His fruits like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control is normal normal. The fact that God wants to scoop me into His arms and comfort me anytime I'm hurting is normal normal. The fact that God likes to be in my face in an even more intimate way than my cats do is normal normal.

The fact that I'm working my way out of a depression and trying to thoroughly tackle the issues attached to it is adjustable normal. But the fact that God will always be here with me every step of the way -- whether I'm depressed or whether I'm 100% carefree -- is normal normal.

So, being loved, wanted, supported, comforted, and enjoyed is supposed to be normal normal, for me and for everybody. Hmm. I could get used to this. Glory, hallelujah!