Now that I have your
attention, I must clarify something immediately. I am definitely NOT pregnant
physically. (Tomorrow is April Fools' Day, so I'm posting this tonight on
purpose... because it's the truth.) In fact, I believe that the only time in
history that a woman in my, uh, singlechick predicament was ever pregnant physically
was when Mary was expecting Jesus. I am going to talk about being pregnant, uh,
spiritually? Maybe. Pregnant metaphorically? Definitely. I think I'm quite ready
to give birth metaphorically. Or it's quite possible that I'm quite full of
crap.
"The refining pot
is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the hearts." (Proverbs
17:3)
My pastor has used the
"pregnant" metaphor to describe what happens between the time a
person hears the gospel and the time the person gets saved, so the concept of
being pregnant isn't completely my idea. I've just noticed so many
pregnancy metaphors wallpapering a certain section of my life lately like a
tacky-looking paisley pattern.
If you've kept up with
my blog and/or my Facebook posts, you know darn well (perhaps too well) how
utterly, extremely, miserably unhappy I am in my current job. It keeps getting
worse, but hopefully I've been growing throughout the long, grueling process of
finding a new job. Yes, I'm pretty sure I've been pregnant with NewJob, and I
think I'm around 44 or 46 weeks along. Yeah, that's right. I've been ready to
pop for way too long, and I think I'm carrying a 12-pounder, and I don't know
what the heck is holding up the anesthesiologist. I think I'm feeling the
piercing contractions, and I'm screaming for the doctor to TAKE IT OUT!!! Sigh.
I hope Bill Cosby would be proud.
I'm not usually a
griping, complaining person, honest. But I've been souped up on metaphorical
pregnancy hormones, and I've needed to vent somehow. When you need to vent, you
have a husband, roommate, or family to come home to. I have God, two cats, and
my computer. Sorry if this is all TMI, but I've been craving some deep-fried
pizza burgers with chocolate-covered sausage and bacon on the side. I'm eating
for two, ya know.
So, you know that I've
been waiting for NewJob to pop out. Sometimes pregnant women are very
surprised when they find out that they're pregnant, even though they've experienced lots of
symptoms and have had lots of clues. CurrentJob was like that at the beginning:
I had all kinds of symptoms and clues right under my nose of what kind of job I
was getting, but I didn't see it right away.
I started CurrentJob several
years ago tomorrow. Yes, April Fools' Day is the anniversary. Even before my
first day at work, I was given all kinds of clues immediately.
When I interviewed for
CurrentJob, I went through two interviews with five people total (none of which
still work for the company). About two weeks before I started, the person who was supposed to have been my supervisor quit and got a job at another company.
My first day on the job,
I was surrounded with April Fools' Day pranks, and I was involuntarily sucked
into a couple of them. One of them haunted me later in a really weird way with
a really weird misunderstanding. The coworker guy who had the really weird
misunderstanding (and who made me feel really weird whenever I was around him)
finally left the company after we merged with another company and had a first
round of layoffs.
Speaking of the first
round of layoffs, many of my coworkers were freaking out, but I was like, "What's
the big deal?" Silly little workaholic. Wake up and smell the morning
sickness. That was when God was very loudly like, "UPDATE YOUR
RESUME." And I was like, "Eh, that can't be God." But it was.
Silly little person. Schedule a prenatal appointment with your doctor, quick.
Then there was the day I
finally noticed for the first time that NewJob was coming: when I first saw the
bump. AAAAAGH! Oh, is that a whip cracking I hear? I am not a mule. Oh, I don't
think so. Oh, I don't think so. Oh, I don't think so. Oh, I don't think so. Oh,
I don't think so. I am not a moneymaking quota machine. I am a person, a human
being who does not wish to check her heart and soul at the door every time she
comes to work. Time to shop for some maternity dresses, 'cause NewJob is gonna
grow pretty big.
Of course, there's an
extended season of anticipation and preparation. There are resumes to update,
jobs to apply for, a portfolio to dust off. Mama's gotta buy some diapers,
wipeys, bibs, bottles, toys, the whole nine yards. And the cave at the end of
the house must be transformed into a nursery. I mean, I gotta crunch the
numbers and make sure NewJob will be able to sync well with my budget,
schedule, etc.
And then the big day
arrives. Mama knows it's time, so she finds a ride to the hospital. Last week,
I had my first job interview during this entire search for NewJob. I would LOVE
for this particular job that I interviewed for to actually be NewJob, but I'm
very OK if it isn't. Sometimes Mama will have a false alarm. But she knows she
won't stay pregnant forever. I think the fact that I even had an interview is a
miracle in and of itself.
But meanwhile, she's got
a bump. And she photographs it and wallpapers it all over Facebook. If you're
not used to seeing these types of pictures, perhaps you'll be a little bit
shocked at first. ("Why is she showing it off? She isn't ready to pop yet.")
But after a short while, you'll see what's happening. You'll see that she's
celebrating the new life that's growing inside her. She's sharing her miracle
with everybody before it even happens, and it's beautiful, and it's hopeful,
and it's worth celebrating every milestone. It's natural to rejoice with her.
And it's also natural to weep with her. Not every Facebook post is pleasant.
Sometimes she has morning sickness, afternoon sickness, and evening sickness,
and she can't keep anything down, and she can't take any medication, so she
asks for prayer. After all, it isn't just her life at stake anymore -- it's the
life of that little one that's covered inside her bump.
I'm sorry if my Facebook
and/or blog posts have been unpleasant for you to read, but this metaphorical
pregnancy has been a long, painful one. Thank you for rejoicing and weeping
with me. Thank you for walking with me. Thank you for being patient with me. I
won't be pregnant metaphorically forever. Someday, the contractions will cease,
the pregnancy will be over, and the misery will end. And so will the
CurrentJob-related Facebook and/or blog posts. This is only for a season.
And it's been
interesting to see other people react to me during this season. Sorry, but
Mama's carrying a NewJob that doesn't want to come out yet. She needs help sitting
down, getting up, walking around, bending down, eating more, etc. Almost every
aspect of her life is awkward, uncomfortable, and cumbersome right now. But she
knows that her state is a temporary one. She knows that someday, her trouble
will be worth it. Meanwhile, I've felt like I've needed to unfriend/block some
people, I've seen some people's true colors, and I've accidentally offended
some people. But I have freedom of speech, and I should be able to express
myself when/if I need to, even if I waddle around awkwardly in a metaphorical maternity
dress.
"Behold, I will do
a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make
a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." (Isaiah 43:19)
I very much look forward
to snuggling little NewJob in my arms someday, looking at him in his adorable
little sleepy newborn face, and telling him how much I love him, how wonderful
our new life is going to be together, and how much he's already made me happy. He'll
have brown eyes, and he'll look just like Jacques. Wait. Did I just type that
out loud?
Or I may have to remain
metaphorically pregnant for many, many, many more months to come. Or it's quite
possible that I'm quite full of crap. We'll see. Regardless, it has certainly
been an adventure thus far.
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