Chazaq

I've been trying to postpone writing this post until I know more about this subject, but I figured that I will probably never stop learning about this particular subject. So, I would like to share a little bit of what I've learned so far now.

As a disclaimer, I would like to say that I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever to the Jewish faith or the Hebrew language, despite my issues with the bad experiences of my past. On the contrary, I respect the Jewish people and the Hebrew language. The Jews are God's chosen people. And since a large part of my Bible was originally written in Hebrew, I need to know a little bit of the language in order to get to know my God better. I was raised by a Hebrew professor, and my name is Hebrew, but I am not Jewish by birth, genetics, or religion at all. I am 100% Christian, Gentile/goy, a follower of Jesus Christ. He will be my Friend, my King, my Lord, my Counselor, and my Master forever. I have accepted Him as my Savior, my Messiah. His sacrifice, His extravagant friendship toward me, made a way for me to know my Heavenly Father forever, and His Holy Spirit has led my life in many directions that I never dreamed I would go. It is my pursuit of God that has brought me here, and He is the One who sustains me here. Thank you in advance for reading.

"Have not I commanded thee? Chazak! And be of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for Hashem Eloheicha is with thee everywhere thou goest." (Joshua 1:9, Orthodox Jewish Bible)

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9, New King James Version of the verse I quoted above)

A couple of years ago, I was at a meeting with other church-group leaders who were sharing about their lives, needs, etc. When it was my turn to share, I did so honestly: "I want to be a worship pastor, but I don't like to read the Bible or pray." Since then, God has been healing my perception of prayer. More recently, I've kinda been bitten by a Bible-study bug.

In the past several months, God has been highlighting for me the concept of "strength," "strengthening," or being "strong." There seem to be plenty of different Hebrew and Greek words in the Bible that talk about strength, etc., and it pops up in Bible verses in more ways than I think I bargained for. "Chazaq" is only one of these words. Perhaps spending years in spiritually abusive churches kinda messed me up in this area. Doing things "in your own strength" was constantly frowned upon and yet expected. It was such a weird dynamic to try to follow Jesus this way. But biblically, I'm finding that God values -- nay, commands -- that I use all my strength to live my life the way He wants me to live it. And yet, I really can't do anything without His strength.

Approximately 3 years ago, I was wrestling through obeying one of the hardest things God has ever asked me to do: Leave my family. One day, I was hit very suddenly and very unexpectedly with a grief that literally brought me to my knees. I began to weep, and I told God, "I can't do this."

Then He spoke to me. Most of the time, He talks to me in English. But this time, He spoke Hebrew. While I was crying on my knees, He said, "Chazaq."

I remembered this word from many years ago when my Hebrew-professor father was trying to teach me how to swim. (I never actually learned, but that's another story.) I was about 5 years old, and while my father held me in his arms and instructed me to kick my legs in the water, he said, "Chazaq." That meant that he wanted me to kick my legs harder.

Now in my Bible-study research, I've discovered that the Hebrew word "chazaq" can be used as an adjective and as a verb. (I've been using Vine's Concise Dictionary of the Bible, which honestly can be a little bit frustrating to use because it was originally written decades ago, uses the old King James, and leaves out many verses, but it's still helped me.) The word "chazaq" is pronounced "hah-ZAHK." I think I read somewhere that the name Hezekiah, which basically means "God's strength" or "God strengthens," came from the word "chazaq." (That makes sense: Chazaq + Yah = ChazaqYah or Hezekiah.)

"And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Ironically, in the midst of my excruciatingly crazy, ridiculously long season -- nay, a chain of seasons -- of emotional healing, God has been teaching me how important it is to be strong... and yet allow myself to be weak so that He can be strong through me. Hmm. Methinks mesmells a paradox.

At the beginning of this post, I shared a photo of my right arm/hand/fist. I am right-handed, so I shared a photo of the strongest part of my physical body. With my right arm/hand/fist, I can lug heavy bags of groceries up my stairs, I can carry 2 loads of clean laundry into my home, I can gently transport my little cat, I can strum my guitar, I can play a melody on my keyboard, I can handwrite my name and my authorized signature, and I could possibly even punch your lights out. Even when I'm at my weakest, even when my insides are falling apart, even when my emotions are so raw and unraveled that I feel as though I could burst, my right arm/hand/fist is much stronger than I credit it to be. I am happy and thankful to report that my right arm/hand/fist does not contain any scars of self-mutilation, it is still alive, and it is still in good working order, the way it was originally designed. I think that right there is evidence of God's grace.

So, approximately 3 years ago when I crumpled to the floor in a blubbering pile of grief and God simply told me to be "chazaq," I don't think He was rebuking me. I think maybe He was holding me together. I don't think He was insulting me and telling me to not be a whiny little wuss. I think after I told Him, "I can't do this," I think maybe He was telling me, "Yes, you can."

So, Joshua 1:9 basically says, "Be strong and of good courage... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." If you'll kindly indulge my meditation here, I will say that I DON'T think Joshua 1:9 says any of the following.

Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Completely ignore your pain... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Stop crying, you big baby... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Don't feel any of your emotions... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Don't allow yourself to experience anything except joy, joy, joy, and more joy... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Whitewash your face and pretend that nothing bothers you... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

How dare you be depressed about your life, when there are so many other people out there who REALLY have problems... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Stop being so negative and only focus on the positive... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Harden yourself and become as callous as you can... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Just let it go... for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Nope, I don't think Joshua 1:9 says any of that. (I think I tried all of that nonsense I listed above, right before I was admitted to a psych hospital.) I think it simply says to be strong, because God is with me wherever I go. If I'm feeling emotionally terrible, I don't have to wallow in my own emotional filth all day long. I can use my strength to crawl into God's lap, have the best cry I've ever had, and let Him comfort me. (Honestly, because I'm His beloved child, I think He might even let me punch His lights out, metaphorically speaking.) If I'm feeling crushed by circumstances that are whirling wildly out of my control, I don't have to shrivel up and die. I can use my strength to crawl over to God's ankles, clasp onto them, and ask Him to show me what to do, and He can scrape me off the ground and carry me to a safe place.

At my most recent psychotherapy session, my therapist seemed pleased with how I've been managing my "depression" lately. I talked about how I've been spending a lot of my time and energy, and she explained that I've been "reframing" my circumstances. Sure, I'm currently surrounded by all kinds of gloomy situations. But I've got my work cut out for me. No, I don't have a job, but I have plenty of ways to look for one. No, I don't have a family, but I have a handful of friends who check on me from time to time. No, I don't have a huge social life, but I have a library of books, videos, and music to keep me entertained. No, I don't have a husband, but I have a couple of cats to care for platonically, humanely, and affectionately. No, I don't have the world handed to me on a silver platter, but I have some dreams that keep me going.

No, I really don't have all that much in my life at all, but I belong to a God who wants me. Just like the prodigal son's father had to reassure the older brother (the whiny one who felt uncelebrated), God has been very faithful to reassure me that everything He has is mine, and I am always with Him (Luke 15:31).

Those are plenty of reasons for me to be chazaq.