"Have you ever read..."

I'll do my best to not sound gripey-witchy in this post, but I should warn you that I'm going to write about stuff that has severely hurt me, that I've hopefully worked through (at least mostly), and that -- as a result -- I'm quite passionate about.

In social situations, one question that I usually dread being asked is "Have you ever read such-and-such book?" Considering that there are zillions of books that have been written since the beginning of time, and considering that I'm a relatively slow reader, there's a 99% chance that the answer to that question is No. Yes, this prolific blogger reads very slowly. I'm a professional writer, not a professional reader. And I'm a kinesthetic learner, so I usually learn by doing, not by reading. And I'm a meditator, so if I find a book that I really like, I'll probably read it at least twice. (That includes the Bible, which is more than just a Book, and especially the Psalms, some of which I've read a bazillion times.)

So, reader, I won't torture you by asking you, "Have you ever read He's Just Not That Into You?" Instead, I'll just say it directly: I'm currently reading a book called He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

That is, I'm FINALLY reading this book. It was originally written about a decade ago. I first heard about it when one of the authors was interviewed that long ago on Oprah. (It was also made into a movie, which I haven't seen yet.) Now I'm reading a nice, cheap used copy I found on eBay, but I really think if I had read this book when it was first released, it could have helped me get a grip on my single-chick issues and start healing significantly faster.

This book is primarily geared toward single women like me who hope that the man that she crushes on, that she's spent so much time with, is just taking his sweet time in asking her out. It's a very black-and-white, common-sense book that basically says, "If a guy is really into you, he isn't going to waste any time pursuing you. He's going to be a man and pursue the heck out of you, because that's what healthy men do. If he doesn't, that's a huge sign that he doesn't really like you as much as you hope he does." So far, this has been a very fast, entertaining read, even for molasses-slow readers like me.

The main idea behind this book has FINALLY helped me see -- even before I started reading it -- that men who like me won't care about obstacles. They'll hunt me down and do their best to win me, so to speak, because that's what straight single men naturally do to straight single women who catch their eye. For women like me who will keep liking a guy until he asks her out -- even if it means doing so for 14 years until she finally finds out that he only likes her as a sister -- this book is majorly helpful. If you'd like to read it for yourself, I would like to warn you that it wasn't written from a Christian standpoint, and it has a bit of profanity peppered in here and there. But even the chapter titles are helpful -- for example:

Chapter 1: He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out

Chapter 2: He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You

Chapter 3: He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You

Chapter 7: He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want To Marry You

Chapter 9: He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You

This all makes sense as I've thought about the men who have been in my life. The ones who I liked forever but who asked out other women instead of me, well, they just weren't that into me. The ones who were slimy, disgusting, and creepy and who I had trouble distancing myself from, well, they were plenty into me, even though I didn't want them to be. I hope this goes without saying, but in case clarification is needed, "into" is slang for "interested in, pleased by," or maybe even "addicted to or craving."

I think the concept of "He's Just Not That Into You" can definitely apply to non-romantic relationships as well.

For example, my cats are really into me. I can tell because they keep showing up in my life. Yes, they live in a small apartment here with me, so they don't have much of a choice as to who to hang out with. But they keep showing up and voluntarily giving me love. As you can see, Choochie likes to pop up from time to time when I rev up my laptop and try to work.

Macho is really into me because he looks for me and tries to snuggle with me once in a while, even when he isn't hungry. Sometimes I have to be careful with his camouflage-with-the-floor sneakiness.

And yes, both my cats are really into cat food. I can tell because they usually magically appear anytime I open up a cat-food container and pour it into a cat-food bowl.

I think the concept of "He's Just Not That Into You" can also definitely apply to friendships. If the book had been written with platonic friendships in mind, perhaps the chapter titles would have been something like the following:

Chapter 1: She's Just Not That Into You If She Never, Ever, Ever Tries To Hang Out With You

Chapter 2: She's Just Not That Into You If She's Always Hanging Out With Other Friends Instead Of You

Chapter 3: She's Just Not That Into You If She Waits 3-6 Months To Reply To Your Emails

Chapter 4: She's Just Not That Into You If She Has Never, Ever, Ever Read Any Of Your Blog Posts

Chapter 5: She's Just Not That Into You If She Only Reaches Out To You When She's Lonely

I think maybe reading a book like that could have helped me much sooner in life in my hurtful friendships, too -- the ones that I allowed to drag on way too long instead of ending them myself so that I can move on and pursue healthy friendships instead.

And I think my therapist would remind me that I'm made in God's image.

"If you love Me, keep My commandments." (Jesus talking in John 14:15)

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (Jesus talking in John 13:34-35)

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:5)

I think loving God can be a very tall order. Loving Somebody with every fiber of my being can be a very hard thing to do. But it's something that He definitely helps me do. And the more I get to know Him, I think the easier it gets, even though life itself gets harder. And the more I get to know Him, the more I like Him, especially when I realize how much He puts up with me, and double especially when He tells me that I don't get to judge how undeserving I am -- judging is His job. I'm rambling now, but I think maybe that's what happens when you truly love Somebody -- you kinda lose all sense of time and gush all over them. You don't care what obstacles get in the way of pursuing that Person. You just pursue Him, because you know you'll never be able to get enough of Him once you connect with Him.

Sometimes it can be easy to tell who follows Jesus and who doesn't. But sometimes it can be easy to spot a hypocrite. I think maybe perhaps if God were to write His own "He's Just Not That Into You" book, the chapter titles might look something like the following:

Chapter 1: If You've Never Attempted To Love The People Around You, You Might Not Be That Into Me

Chapter 2: If You Only Attend Church Services On Christmas And Easter, You Might Not Be That Into Me

Chapter 3: If You've Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever Tried To Do Evangelism, You Might Not Be That Into Me, Because You May Not Fully Understand What You Have, And You May Not Understand Why Other People Need Me

Chapter 4: If You Only Read The Bible On Saturday Nights So That You Can Prepare To Teach Your Sunday School Class Every Week, Check Your Pulse, Because You Might Still Be Spiritually Dead

Chapter 5: If You Know Exactly How To Go Through The Motions, Especially When The Music Plays At Church And You Lift Your Hands And Make The People Around You Think That You Like Me, But You And I Both Know That You Just Want To Get This Charade Over With So That You Can Go Home And Do Whatever The Heck You Want, Because You Really Don't Like Me, You Just Want To Look Good To Other People, Well... I'm Sorry, Have We Met?

Of course, God is very gracious, and everybody is on different parts of their journey with Him, and He gives everybody zillions of chances to follow Him the right way. But I think it's common sense that if you want something, eventually you'll work through your fear, kick over the obstacles, and go after it. Speaking for myself, if I want Somebody, I eventually won't care who or what will come between Him and me -- I'll run after Him, and I'll go for it like there were no tomorrow.

The other day, I was at Target. As I was walking out the door, I caught a whiff of pizza from the snack bar. Ohhhhh, pizza. They don't sell that stuff at Dollar Tree. Anyway, I briefly remembered what it was like to have a boyfriend many years ago -- the type of boy who treated me to lots and lots of pizza. Then God reminded me that I have Him. Yeah, that's right. Physically, of course God isn't my boyfriend, and things between me and Him will never be like that. But spiritually, yes He's definitely my Bridegroom, and He always will be. I'll take that instead of pizza any day.

As for my single-womanness, I am letting my dream of getting married die completely. There is absolutely no guarantee that a man will ever be that into me enough to pursue me and claim me for himself, and there is absolutely no guarantee that I will return his feelings (instead of getting a restraining order). But I am very OK with that.

Like I've said before, God is better than a luckdragon, He's better than pizza, He's better than a boyfriend, He's better than any gift He could give, and He's better than anything or anyone I can think of with my finite little brain. Regardless of what or who He brings into my life, I love Him, and nobody will ever take Him away from me. Heck yes!