Testimony time!

Ahh, there's nothing like a bit of lunchtime speed-blogging, especially with a drowsy cat by your side. (Or smushed against your leg.)

If you still believe that the Holy Spirit doesn't move today like He did in biblical times -- in other words, if you believe that things like prophecy, tongues, and knowledge aren't valid gifts of the Holy Spirit anymore -- I would like to offer some proof that He never changes. That is, I would like to offer what I think is a prophecy that has come true for me.

In the fall of 2000, I was in a classroom with other students, and a visiting prophet prophesied over each one of us. Here's a transcript of what he prophesied over me:

"God hasn't given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. And you may be small in stature, but you're great in the spirit. And God's given you a lot more in the spirit than you've given yourself credit for, so don't shrink back. Sometimes you feel that it's a step forward and two back, but it's time now to cut off that past, to forget about the things of old as it says in Isaiah 43. It's time to rise up, rise up. Don't look back, look forward. Don't live by experience, live by revelation because I want to reveal My heart to you in a new and fresh way. I want to reveal My love for you. Oh, He wants to show you His love, He wants to show you His love and release His love upon your life in a new and fresh way. Father, we pray for Tirzah, and we release the prophetic on her in Jesus' name. You know the things that are near to her heart, You know her life, You've known her. Lord, You know everything about her, Father. You know her darkest nights, You know her weeping, Lord, You've seen her tears, You know her heart, Father. And Father, we just break all that stuff off, we release her to the power of Your grace in Jesus' name. Let it flow, Father, let it flow in Jesus' name. Let Your grace flow in Jesus' name. Keep looking to Jesus. Keep looking to Jesus."

And then several weeks later, I attempted suicide. D'oh!

And fast-forward to September 2013, when I've been coming out of a long season of God majorly doing some rearranging inside me. Recently, I've noticed some fear that has cropped up in different areas of my life. One day, I was like, "Oh, this is a fear of punishment. I'm going to get yelled at for getting this wrong, anyway, so I may as well just go for it and do my best." And I felt lighter. On other occasions, I've been like, "Oh, this is a fear of criticism. I think that's what happens when you grow up in an environment where every frickin' thing you say or do is nitpicked. I don't think the people who are around me now are that critical." One evening when I was driving home, God told me, "All your life, people have given you a vote of no confidence. But I'm giving you a vote of confidence." So... God thinks I can do this crazy thing called life? If He asks me to do something, He thinks I can be trusted to get a job done? He won't negatively criticize me to within an inch of my sanity? Hmm. If He's in my corner, then I'm good to go. All right, I'm gonna roll up my sleeves and lace up my gloves. Let's do this.

So, recently I've felt my load gradually become lighter and lighter. The other day, God told me that He restored my passion. Then He showed me when I had lost it.

My freshman year of college, 1994-1995, I fell in love with God. That year, I got baptized in the Holy Spirit, I got a prayer language (tongues), I was hearing God speak overtly-directly to me for the first time, and I was reading the Bible a ton and spending gobs of time in prayer. I got saved when I was 10 years old, but the year I turned 18 (1994), God doused His kerosene onto my embers. Life was now a bonfire, and I was enjoying the heck out of it. Life wasn't perfect, but I was discovering my First Love, and I wasn't the same.

Unfortunately, the sweetness became bittersweet when I went home for the summer and... I need to speak vaguely here. The most influential people in my life had been freaked out about the changes I had been experiencing. They treated me as if I had just joined a cult. So, the summer after my freshman year of college, they attempted to deprogram me. They required me to read a book (I don't remember the title or the author) that was written by a man who had been disillusioned by the gifts of the Spirit, and they required me to listen to a sermon series that taught against the validity of speaking in tongues. I was very "Pffft, whatever" about the teachings, but during this deprogramming attempt, I had become confused and disillusioned. (Have I ever told you that I was spiritually abused?)

So, my sophomore year, I pulled back a little bit. I went to church less and tried to study more. My junior year, I reignited the fire, but I think the damage had still been done.

So, fast-forwarding to 2013, God showed me that He has restored that passion I lost during the deprogramming attempt after my freshman year of college. Wow. When you decide to follow Him and you mean it, He takes you seriously, too. I've been thinking about that prophecy that was spoken over me 13 years ago. It was tucked away in an old journal, which I'm glad I kept. I guess you could say that it was all in my head. I guess you could say that I'm full of crap. And I guess you could say that it was all just a coincidence.

But here's what I say. My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8, James 1:17). He's my Daddy who takes extra-good care of me (Psalm 68:5-6). He's my Friend who likes to show me stuff before He does it (John 15:15). And He's my Helper who likes it when His people prophesy (1 Corinthians 14:1).

Sometime during the deprogramming attempt, I was told that charismatic people, instead of reading the Bible, write down words they hear God say on index cards and store them in their own little file. So, I guess when they need to consult God about something, instead of going to the Bible, they'll go to their little index-card file. I hereby declare that in my 19 years as a charismatic, I have never seen any such index-card file. I have no idea where this information was dreamed up, but I hope whoever got the idea has allowed God to heal him or her since then.

But if our God who is a consuming fire speaks a prophetic word or gives a major revelation to somebody, it is definitely wise for that somebody to write it down, if/when feasible. Which is one reason why I blog. And I'm glad somebody from my classroom in 2000 transcribed my prophetic word for me so I could possibly see it come to pass 13 years later and hopefully *give God the glory for it.

*Christianese translation: Check it out! I didn't do this! God did it! See how awesome He is?