Tuesday, September 24, 2013

You know you've been spiritually abused when...

...you ask a friend if it's biblical to pray for yourself.

...you feel guilty for only having to attend two church meetings per week.

...you repent because you enjoyed your time at Starbucks so much that you forgot to stand on top of a table and publicly preach the four spiritual laws.

...after having a quiet time that only lasted for 15 minutes, you crawl to the altar at the end of a Sunday morning church service and repent for backsliding.

...you call your mentor at one o'clock in the morning because you accidentally forgot to throw away your fortune cookie fortune after dinner, and you don't remember the words to your renouncing prayer.

...tearfully, you ask a friend to whisper a prayer for you (because if your mentor heard about your sin, you'd have to do 50 laps around the prayer room) because your credit-card company charged you $8.64 interest for the month.

...you're fasting, and you decline to take the Lord's Supper as penance for fantasizing about wolfing down a handful of wafers.

...if you're having a good day, it must be because your mentor has prayed for you, because ain't nothin' good can happen without the power of prayer, can I get an Amen?

...after meeting a cute guy for the first time, you pray to rebuke the crush and to break the soul tie.

...you have so much fun at lifegroup that you call your section leader to repent for being too joyful.

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OK, so I'm exaggerating a little bit... or am I?

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