Wait. Do I know you?

Whoo-hoo! It's a holiday weekend! Here's my weekend crew. They're mine, and they know it.

Reader, I hereby invite you into my obsessively artistic imagination while I retell a story. The following is my dramatic version of Matthew 25:1-13, the parable of the 10 virgins. Jesus tells this story, and I think it's an analogy of His relationship with His bride and also with people who... anyway, I don't want to give its meaning away all at once, because as an artist, I like to keep things vague on purpose.

Fortunately, Jesus is usually much more direct than I am, as I hope you'll see in my artistic interpretation of His parable and its backstory. This post is very long, so please pop some popcorn or brew some fresh coffee or take a seat in your favorite chair and enjoy!

(The Bridegroom is sitting quietly, with a huge smile on His face, in a chair across from a table from Virgin #1. She is chitchatting almost incessantly in her usual way, which delights the Bridegroom immensely.)

VIRGIN #1: So, my job is going really well, and I know that I have You to thank for that. You provided an awesome place for me to use my skills, You put me there for a reason, and I really feel welcome there.

BRIDEGROOM: Excellent. I'm glad to hear it.

VIRGIN #1: Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to talk to You. I had a conversation with one of my coworkers, and she's going through a really, really hard time. Seriously, I don't know how she can even find the strength to drag herself out of bed every morning and crawl into her cubicle. I mean, it's like a deluge of trials that just keeps hitting her like a firestorm from heaven or something. I know I'm mixing metaphors here, but--

BRIDEGROOM: (laughs) No, that's all right. I know exactly what you're talking about, and I know exactly who you're talking about.

VIRGIN #1: Anyway, I'm rambling, but I don't know how I can help her. Can You please show me what to do? Give me some ideas? Lead me or nudge me or something? I feel kinda lost in this whole situation. I don't want to accidentally say something that would make her feel worse or get involved in something that I shouldn't get involved in. You know what I mean?

BRIDEGROOM: I know exactly what you mean.

VIRGIN #1: So, what do I do?

BRIDEGROOM: Just wait until the next time you talk to her. You'll know exactly what to do.

VIRGIN #1: (after being speechless for a moment) Huh? What do You mean, Lord? I'm confused.

BRIDEGROOM: (still smiling) I just told you what to do, buzzybee. CoughcoughNudgenudgecoughcough.

VIRGIN #1: (light bulb) Oh! (laughs) I get it. You're so funny. OK, so I'll just wait until the next time I talk to her. (hesitates) When do I get to talk to You again, Lord? Please come back again soon.

BRIDEGROOM: (whispers) Yes, it will be very soon. Please wait for Me.

(The Bridegroom is sitting quietly at a kitchen table while Virgin #2 prepares dinner. Chicken, gravy, steamed vegetables, and rice are all cooking simultaneously on 4 burners.)

BRIDEGROOM: Are you sure you don't want any help in there?

VIRGIN #2: (hurriedly rummages through a utensil drawer) No, thanks. Just need to find a bigger spoon.

BRIDEGROOM: Please be careful.

VIRGIN #2: (still rummaging) Uh, I know. Can You please just leave me alone and let me handle this myself?

(Suddenly, she accidentally stabs her finger with a knife in the utensil drawer. She screams in pain, puts her finger in her mouth, and runs for the sink. While she turns on the cold water to wash her bleeding finger, the Bridegroom rushes to her side and miraculously heals her finger. He tries to comfort her, but the rice boils over, and she pushes Him away so that she can turn down the burner.)

BRIDEGROOM: (quietly) Why won't you let Me help?

VIRGIN #2: (barks) You can help me by finding my big spoon!

BRIDEGROOM: (winces slightly, then chuckles) No problem. I know exactly where it is.

(He calmly walks to the utensil drawer and locates the spoon immediately. He hands it to her, and she bursts into tears and collapses into His arms.)

VIRGIN #2: I'm so sorry! This is so hard!

BRIDEGROOM: (tears up and strokes her hair) I know. Tell Me more.

VIRGIN #2: (sobs and releases herself from His embrace) I just wanted to make the perfect dinner for You. Everybody keeps telling me that I have to be perfect for You and that I have to do everything perfectly for You. (points at the snot trail that is forming under one of her nostrils) Look at me! I can't even cry perfectly for You!

BRIDEGROOM: (chuckles and wipes the tears from His eyes) Well, I think "Everybody" is full of it, because you look perfectly beautiful to Me right now.

VIRGIN #2: (quietly) Really?

BRIDEGROOM: Most definitely, trooper.

(The smoke alarm beeps loudly because the chicken has begun to burn. The Bridegroom grabs a washcloth and vigorously wafts air at the alarm while Virgin #2 turns up the exhaust fan and begins to flip each piece of chicken in the skillet. The smoke alarm stops beeping.)

VIRGIN #2: (chuckles) You would have been perfectly happy with fast food tonight, wouldn't You?

BRIDEGROOM: Honey, I would have been perfectly happy staring at a brick wall with you and shooting the breeze.

VIRGIN #2: Maybe we can do that the next time You come. You will come back again soon, won't You?

BRIDEGROOM: Yes, very soon. Please wait for Me.

(The Bridegroom is jogging on a college campus sidewalk in an attempt to catch up with Virgin #3, who is nearly sprinting to get to her next class.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hey! How's it going?

VIRGIN #3: (clutching her backpack) Oh, my gosh! I can't believe I missed our appointment this morning. I am so sorry.

(The Bridegroom increases His trot to catch up with her. He offers her His arm. She accepts it, and they both continue jogging on the sidewalk.)

BRIDEGROOM: That's no problem. I know what it's like to be busy.

VIRGIN #3: I want to make it up to You. Maybe we could reschedule for tomorrow morning? We could spend double the amount of time that we usually do.

BRIDEGROOM: We could do that. But why can't I come with you now?

VIRGIN #3: What? To my statistics class? You would be so bored.

BRIDEGROOM: Try Me.

VIRGIN #3: (laughs and smiles) You mean, You wouldn't mind sitting with me for a 50-minute lecture?

BRIDEGROOM: I would love to. Maybe I could chat with your professor, too. I know Dr. Elesmijo. I won't throw spitwads at you or do anything to embarrass you in class.

VIRGIN #3: (laughs) Well, sure. I'd love to have You in class with me.

BRIDEGROOM: You know, our time together doesn't have to end after class.

VIRGIN #3: (slows down as she approaches the math building) What do You mean? You'd want to come study with me at the library, too?

BRIDEGROOM: (holds a door open for her) Sure, why not?

VIRGIN #3: You wouldn't be bored while I study Spanish? I'm gonna be using my flashcards.

BRIDEGROOM: (smiles) Será un placer.

VIRGIN #3: (stops sprinting, stands in the middle of the hallway while other students walk past her) How did I ever live my life without You? I know You won't be here forever, but after You leave, You'll come back soon, won't you?

BRIDEGROOM: (whispers) Sure, brains. Indubitably. Sooner than you think. Please wait for Me.

(The Bridegroom is seated on a living room couch next to Virgin #4, who is about to begin reading His Book.)

VIRGIN #4: (imitates a radio announcer) And on today's edition of The Word, we have...

BRIDEGROOM: (imitates a trumpet fanfare) Firrrrst Samuel! (hisses so as to imitate an audience cheering)

VIRGIN #4: (hears a wrestling-music techno synthesizer in her head) Annnnnd in chapter 15, we have...

BRIDEGROOM: The errant sparing of King Agag!

VIRGIN #4: (looks closely at Book) Wait. Is that supposed to be pronounced "a-GAG"? Like, a "gag"?

BRIDEGROOM: (quietly) If you do, it will be good foreshadowing for verse 33.

VIRGIN #4: Oh. (flips over to verse 33) Gross!

BRIDEGROOM: (laughs) Spending time with you is so much fun.

VIRGIN #4: Thank You. But I think You're funner.

(She reads the chapter calmly for a few minutes. The Bridegroom stares at her and smiles while she reads. Suddenly, she becomes alarmed when she gets to verse 22.)

VIRGIN #4: Wait. What do You mean, to obey is better than sacrifice?

BRIDEGROOM: (completely engrossed in her presence) Huh?

VIRGIN #4: Well, right here, it says that You want obedience more than You want sacrifice. Am I doing something wrong? They always keep telling me I'm doing something wrong.

BRIDEGROOM: Huh? Who's "They"?

VIRGIN #4: Did I miss something? What was I supposed to have sacrificed?

BRIDEGROOM: Just you. And you're still alive, so you did it right.

VIRGIN #4: (looks up from The Book and wildly looks Him in the eye) Am I disobeying You?!? What am I doing wrong?!?

BRIDEGROOM: Calm down, sweetie. You're not doing anything wrong.

VIRGIN #4: Oh, no. I think I'm going to have another panic attack. I thought I was supposed to be cured already!

BRIDEGROOM: (adjusts His approach) OK. You're supposed to obey Me, right?

VIRGIN #4: (taking deep breaths) Yes.

BRIDEGROOM: OK. Kiss Me.

VIRGIN #4: What?!

BRIDEGROOM: Kiss Me.

VIRGIN #4: But I'm supposed to be reading Your Book right now. I don't want to disobey You.

BRIDEGROOM: (whispers) Kiss Me. There's nobody around but you and Me. You can read My Book whenever you want, but right now I want you to kiss Me. Please.

(Virgin #4 throws The Book on her coffee table, jumps into His embrace, and showers His face with kisses. When she is finished, she wraps her arms around His neck and laughs.)

VIRGIN #4: Wow. You should come over more often.

BRIDEGROOM: (smiling) I could arrange that.

VIRGIN #4: (whispers) Please come back again soon.

BRIDEGROOM: (whispers) Yes, of course. Very soon. Please wait for Me.

(Virgin #5 falls to her knees in front of the Bridegroom's door. She melodramatically pounds on the door with her fist and screams.)

VIRGIN #5: Please open up for me!! Please let me in!! I need You!! I want You!! I have to have You!!

(She continues to pound. She waits a few seconds, and then she repeatedly smacks the door with both of her open palms. She is wailing at the top of her lungs.)

VIRGIN #5: Where are You?!? Do You want me to die out here?!? Open the door!!!

(She continues to scream and smack on the Bridegroom's door until her palms almost start to bleed. Then suddenly, she feels a gentle tap on her shoulder. She twirls around and sees the One whom she has been so anxiously seeking.)

BRIDEGROOM: I'm right here. What do you need?

(Virgin #5 clasps His ankles and sobs very loudly. He squats down and pulls her into His embrace. He quietly begins to weep with her.)

VIRGIN #5: (into His robe) I was so worried that You would never open Your door to me again.

BRIDEGROOM: (sniffling) Baby, I'll never shut you out. I've been right behind you this whole time.

VIRGIN #5: (looks into His eyes, despite her vision blurred by pools of tears) Really? This whole time?

BRIDEGROOM: Sure. I've got your back.

VIRGIN #5: Then why didn't You tell me where You were? Why didn't You say something sooner?

BRIDEGROOM: (smiles) Well, it wasn't so that you would freak out. Sometimes I like to wait for you to come looking for Me.

VIRGIN #5: Really?

BRIDEGROOM: Sure. Don't you like it when I come looking for you?

VIRGIN #5: (gasps) Would You like me to leave and then come looking for You again? (smiles) If that's what You like, I can go now if You want.

BRIDEGROOM: (chuckles and tightens His grip on her arms) Whoa, tiger. There will be plenty of time to look for Me again later.

VIRGIN #5: (smile falls) You have to leave again, don't You?

BRIDEGROOM: Sure, tiger. But don't worry. I'll come back soon.

VIRGIN #5: Promise?

BRIDEGROOM: Yes, I promise. Please wait for Me.

(Virgin #6 is sitting cross-legged on her bed. She is filing her nails and listening to music that is playing on her stereo in the background. From the adjoining hallway, the Bridegroom stands at the threshold of her bedroom and knocks on her open door.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hello. Remember Me? I'm the Bridegroom. A friend of Mine said you might be interested in meeting Me.

(Completely ignoring Him, Virgin #6 continues to file her nails.)

BRIDEGROOM: Um... (awkwardly chuckles and waves His hand) Hello. Look, I'm not going to be rude, but there isn't much time left. Did you still want to meet Me? Maybe you and I could schedule some hangout time together.

(Virgin #6 stops filing her nails, looks blankly at the wall for a moment, and smiles.)

VIRGIN #6: Hangout time! What a great idea! (reaches for her cellphone and dials it) Kayla, how's it going? Ah, nothin' much going on here. Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?

BRIDEGROOM: (sighs) Look, I really want to meet you someday, but I'm not going to force my way into your life. Please listen.

VIRGIN #6: (into her phone) Yeah, that's my stereo. It's Rodney And The Hotpinks. Wanna hear it? (turns up the volume on her stereo)

BRIDEGROOM: I'm not going to yell at you, but I really want you to know that My invitation won't be open forever. But I'm coming back.

VIRGIN #6: (into her phone) I know, right? I've been so bored this weekend.

BRIDEGROOM: I love you, and I want you. Goodbye. (walks away, crestfallen)

(Virgin #7 is kneeling and bowing her head on the lush carpet of a beautifully decorated living room.)

VIRGIN #7: Hear me talking to You about my family. Hear me talking to You about my church. Hear me talking to You about my neighbors. Hear me talking to You about all the poor people on the streets who do not have clothes for their backs, jobs for their daily bread, or nourishment for their bodies. Hear me imploring You earnestly for their welfare, not to be confused with their welfare checks, but for the common good of all men. And finally, hear me talking to You about our government, our leaders who steer us at the helm of this great nation which You so generously bestowed upon us with Your eternal, amazing grace. How sweet the sound. It saved a wretch like me.

(Suddenly, the Bridegroom appears in her living room. He is sitting cross-legged in front of Virgin #7 so as to catch her eye.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hello. Have we met? What's your name?

VIRGIN #7: (still kneeling, head still bowed) I once was blind, but now Your lighthouse has illuminated my ship, and now I see.

BRIDEGROOM: Well, that's what I came here to talk to you about. You can't see Me yet.

VIRGIN #7: (opens her eyes and peeks at a nearby alarm clock, then bows her head again) Oh, sweet hour of prayer. Hear me talking to You for 45 more minutes. Record my 15 minutes in Your holy book of life.

BRIDEGROOM: (sighs) I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Please listen to Me. My Father heard some very confusing messages from you, and He asked Me to clear some things up for you.

VIRGIN #7: Bless the beasts and the children. Give them shelter from the storm.

BRIDEGROOM: OK, but you're ripping off The Carpenters. You can use your own words.

VIRGIN #7: Keep them safe. Keep them warm.

BRIDEGROOM: Please listen. You're running out of time.

VIRGIN #7: (opens her eyes and glances at the alarm clock again) Yay! I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I resist all evil, for You give me my daily bread. (bows head)

BRIDEGROOM: Please stop resisting My invitation. I'm coming back, and I really want us to be friends. We could have actual conversations together.

VIRGIN #7: In the richness of Your abundance, You bestow the steadfastness of Your holiness upon the fields of your antiscientific flockness algorithmflamboyanceness megalomanianicclowder.

BRIDEGROOM: (crestfallen) I love you, and I want you. Goodbye.

(The Bridegroom is sitting on a living-room couch. He is waiting for Virgin #8 to return home from work. When she finally unlocks her front door, she slams it behind her, throws her keys on a nearby table, and screams.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hello. You look like you've had a terrible day. I would like to talk to you about it. What's your name?

(Ignoring the Bridegroom, Virgin #8 flops onto her couch and turns on her laptop, which is sitting nearby.)

BRIDEGROOM: Listen, your mother has been talking to Me about you a lot. She really wants you to meet Me. And I would very much love to meet you, too.

VIRGIN #8: (logs onto an IM program and chuckles) I've got all the friends I need right here.

BRIDEGROOM: Please listen. I could be the best Friend that you never, ever could have dreamed of in all of your wildest dreams. Please. I know exactly what happened to you at work today. I know exactly how to fix it. I know exactly what to say that would help you feel better.

VIRGIN #8: (types) Ah. Larry's online, too. He knows what I'm going through.

BRIDEGROOM: (sighs) OK, well, I'm not going to interrupt you. But please listen. There's an expiration date on My Friend request. Please accept it as soon as you can. Please don't block Me. I want to chat with you, too.

(Virgin #8 half laughs, half cries while she chats online with Larry.)

BRIDEGROOM: (crestfallen) I'll be back soon. I love you, and I want you. Goodbye.

(Virgin #9 is at a church service. Even though she is dressed to the nines, she is bored out of her skull during the sermon. She only forces herself to attend because she heard somebody say that only people who attend church services will get to meet the Bridegroom. She squirms in her pew and crosses her legs. The Bridegroom happens to be sitting right next to her, but she does not see Him.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hello. Have we met? What's your name? How long have you been coming here?

(Not hearing Him, Virgin #9 grabs a nearby hymnbook and flips through it so as to keep herself awake.)

BRIDEGROOM: Look, I understand how difficult it can be to find Me here. The pastor means well, but he has always been clueless about how to deliver a sermon.

(Virgin #9 keeps flipping through hymns and stifles a scream.)

BRIDEGROOM: Are you really interested in Me? I'm interested in you. I'm not boring, honest. Please listen to Me. There isn't much time. My invitation won't last forever. But I'm coming back.

(A family of 4 quietly walks down the aisle and exits the sanctuary. Virgin #9 looks at them longingly and wishes she could be brave enough to follow their example. Then she receives a text message from her boyfriend asking her what she's doing for lunch. She sighs and decides to escape.)

VIRGIN #9: (under her breath) I ain't coming back here no more. Good luck, everyone. (walks out)

BRIDEGROOM: (crestfallen) I love you, and I want you. Goodbye.

(Virgin #10 is sitting cross-legged on her bedroom floor with her eyes closed and her palms open. She is extremely relaxed, and she is seated in front of a table that is adorned with a small statue. She is uttering a constant, low groan. The Bridegroom suddenly appears with a panicked look on His face.)

BRIDEGROOM: What are you doing? I heard you say you wanted to follow Me, but you never introduced yourself to Me. Please tell Me your name.

(Virgin #10 continues relaxing and opening up her consciousness.)

BRIDEGROOM: (points at her statue) Wait. Who is this guy? Is this who you want to follow instead?

VIRGIN #10: (giggles and smiles) Whee...

BRIDEGROOM: (waves His hand in front of her face) Please come back! The longer you stay in his embrace, the harder it may be for Me to find you! Don't you remember hearing My invitation? It isn't a permanent one! It isn't plan B! It's the only plan that will work! You don't have much time!

(Virgin #10's constant groan becomes louder.)

BRIDEGROOM: (sobs) Oh, baby, you're breaking My heart. You don't have to come to this guy. Are you looking for peace? I'm the Prince. Is your soul thirsty? I know of the most wonderful river in existence. Are you starving on the inside? I can be your food, and I can give you whatever you need. (sighs) You're on his turf now. I don't want to force My way in. Please, just know that I'm coming back, I love you, and I want you. Goodbye. (walks away, crestfallen)

(After some time, Virgins #1-5 hear about the Bridegroom's invitation to a rendezvous -- the party of all parties. They dress up in their finest attire, pack all the supplies they need, and meet up with each other to wait for Him. During this process, Virgins #6-10 also hear about the party and feel entitled to attend. Virgins #1-5 allow Virgins #6-10 to tag along and hope the Bridegroom will let #6-10 join the party also. All 10 virgins meet at the proposed location. Their adrenaline high eventually wears off, and they fall asleep waiting for the Bridegroom. Suddenly, they hear a voice shout, "Hey, He's back! He's on His way right now!" All 10 virgins excitedly wake up and trim their lamps.)

VIRGIN #7: (shakes dim lamp) Uh-oh. My lamp's gone out.

VIRGIN #6: Oh, shoot. Mine, too.

VIRGIN #3: (to Virgin #7 and Virgin #6) Did y'all bring enough oil?

VIRGIN #7: (slowly) No. What for?

VIRGIN #3: Well, the type of lamps we're using tonight require the use of oil in order to work properly.

VIRGIN #9: (shakes dim lamp, speaks under breath) Gee, thanks, professor.

VIRGIN #3: (to Virgin #9) Meaning that if you don't have enough oil, your lamp won't work. If your lamp won't work, you won't be able to see.

VIRGIN #4: 'Cause it's really dark out here.

VIRGIN #8: Duh.

VIRGIN #10: (to Virgin #3) So, give me some of your oil.

VIRGIN #3: No way. I only brought enough for myself.

VIRGIN #10: (scoffs) Well, then, you're selfish.

VIRGIN #5: No, she just has good boundaries. And so do I. At least, I do now.

VIRGIN #9: Well, how the [bleep] are we supposed to see the Bridegroom if we don't have any oil in our lamps?

VIRGIN #4: (singing) Keep it burning. Burning, burning.

VIRGIN #9: (to Virgin #4) Shut up!

VIRGIN #1: (to Virgin #9) Please don't yell at her. OK, I think I know how to solve this--

VIRGIN #10: Yes. Give us your oil.

VIRGIN #1: No, no, no. This might sound harsh, but anyone here who does not have enough oil for her lamp is going to have to just go out and buy some.

VIRGIN #8: What?! Where are we going to find oil-sellers at this hour?

VIRGIN #2: Actually, Herbie's Oil-O-Rama is open 24 hours, and it's just down the road.

VIRGIN #7: Oh, thank goodness.

VIRGIN #2: If you start walking now, you could probably get there in about 20 minutes.

VIRGIN #8: What?!

VIRGIN #5: Look. Everyone just stay calm. I think that sounds like the best solution. We 5 can stay here and wait for the Bridegroom, while you 5 can go on your oil-run.

VIRGIN #9: But that could take forever! I'm so tired of waiting already!

VIRGIN #3: Ladies, it sounds like there's no other alternative. Anyway, why didn't you bring enough oil in the first place? (slowly) If you really knew the Bridegroom...

VIRGIN #4: You'd know that we'd probably be waiting here forever. (smile falls) Uh-oh. I hope I didn't accidentally offend Him.

VIRGIN #1: Well, no, not forever. He'll be here any minute.

VIRGIN #5: (laughs) He's probably right behind us.

VIRGIN #9: (raises her hand) OK, no time to wait! Let's go!

(Virgins #6-10 scurry down the road. Virgins #1-5 socialize for a few minutes and swap Bridegroom-encounter stories. Finally, the Bridegroom appears and beckons to them. Virgins #1-5 squeal with delight while He holds the door open for them. They file in one by one to join the party.)

BRIDEGROOM: Hey, there, buzzybee. Such a pleasure to see you again.

VIRGIN #1: (kisses His cheek and squeals) I knew You'd provide a way for me to join the party! (scurries inside)

BRIDEGROOM: Hey, trooper. I've got a brick wall with your name on it. How are you holding up?

VIRGIN #2: (kisses His cheek and hugs His neck) Much better, thanks to You. (walks inside)

BRIDEGROOM: It's the brains! I missed you. Have you been keeping them in line?

VIRGIN #3: (kisses His cheek and chuckles) Claro que sí. (jogs inside)

BRIDEGROOM: (imitates a sports announcer) Annnnnd My sweetie has reached the finish line!

VIRGIN #4: (hisses so as to imitate an audience cheering) And the crowd goes wild! (jumps into His arms to cover His face with kisses for a moment, then jumps back down and runs inside)

(Virgin #5 slowly approaches the Bridegroom and lingers in His presence.)

BRIDEGROOM: You're worried that I'm going to shut you out, aren't you, tiger?

VIRGIN #5: (takes deep breath) I shouldn't be. You've never, ever let me down.

BRIDEGROOM: (smiles) Please take as long as you need. I'll wait for you.

(Virgin #5 hesitates for a brief moment as she gazes into the Bridegroom's eyes. Then she melodramatically throws her arms around His neck and passionately kisses Him fully on the lips. Then she releases her crazy grip on Him and gleefully runs inside.)

BRIDEGROOM: (smiles) Heh. That never gets old.

(The Bridegroom shuts the door, and the party of all parties begins. After a few minutes, Virgins #6-10 return from the oil-sellers. They knock loudly on the party door, but the door remains shut.)

VIRGIN #8: Hey, open up!

VIRGIN #7: Lord! Speak now, for Your servant is finally ready to listen to You!

VIRGIN #6: Please, Lord, let us in!

VIRGIN #9: Come on, Bridegroom! We don't got all night!

VIRGIN #10: Please open! I need this!

(Slowly, the Bridegroom opens the door a crack. Dance music is playing loudly in the background. His hair is slightly disheveled, and His face is flushed.)

BRIDEGROOM: Whew! It is crazy-wild in there. The ladies are about to form a mosh pit and everything.

VIRGIN #9: (smiling) Wow, that sounds like fun! Please let us in!

VIRGIN #6: Yes, Sir! Let's all have some crazy-wild hangout time!

VIRGIN #8: Yeah, Lord, let's chitchat.

VIRGIN #7: You are a wonderful conversationalist.

VIRGIN #10: I need You!

(The Bridegroom blinks. Then He gives all 5 virgins a sweeping blank look.)

BRIDEGROOM: Wait. Do I know you?

VIRGIN #6: Um, yes.

VIRGIN #8: Of course You do. We all just spent $29.95 on a quart of lamp-oil for You.

VIRGIN #10: Just for You.

BRIDEGROOM: (smoothes down His hair) No, you did it for you.

VIRGIN #9: No fair! Why didn't You tell us we had to bring extra oil?

BRIDEGROOM: (slowly smiles) The stuff that's burning in your lamps right now is artificial. The stuff that's burning in the lamps of My virgins is oil that they stored up while they were getting to know Me.

VIRGIN #7: But we know You. We spent so much [bleep]ing time with You!

(The Bridegroom maintains His smile, and His eyes glisten with love.)

BRIDEGROOM: I'm sorry, but I'm being honest when I say that I don't know you.

VIRGIN #10: Say what?!?

BRIDEGROOM: (whispers) I do not know you.

(He closes the door with a quick, swooping motion that causes wind to whip through the air. The virgins' artificial lights flicker out.)