City dump rerevisited

Technically, this is part 3. If you would like the backstory, please check out part 1 here and part 2 here. Welcome back, reader, to my partly symbolic, somewhat metaphorical, definitely random imagination. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back...

(The Father and Jesus are reviewing the remodeling blueprints for Their city dump with the Holy Spirit when suddenly Jesus spots a foreign creature from afar.)

JESUS: (whispers) Not again.

FATHER: (looks up and smiles) It won't be much longer.

JESUS: (to the creature) Hey, loser! Are you lost?

(The creature freezes for a moment and then slithers toward The Trinity's location. When he reaches the newly smoothed place, he tumbles backwards. He picks himself up and tries again with the same result. Then he slowly crawls carefully upward until he reaches The Trinity's spot.)

FATHER: (to the accuser) What business do you have here? You know you aren't welcome here anymore. Speak up. Be quick.

ACCUSER: I have plenty of business here. I was about to conduct a transaction, actually.

JESUS: Liar. You're just lost.

FATHER: If you don't have any business here, you'll have to leave--

ACCUSER: Wait. OK. I admit I am lost. That means You must lead me to my home here.

JESUS: This isn't your home anymore, loser. This is Our home.

FATHER: She is Our city now.

ACCUSER: That may be true.

HOLY SPIRIT: That IS true, sore loser.

ACCUSER: (beginning to lose his composure) However, whatever Your degree of ownership may be--

JESUS: (crosses His arms) Oh, it's full ownership. I paid in full.

ACCUSER: (angrily stomps his foot) I own hotels here! Where are my hotels? I demand that You show me where my hotels are!

FATHER: (snickers) You don't recognize her anymore, do you?

JESUS: Loser.

ACCUSER: What kind of joke are You trying to pull, anyway? This isn't even a city dump anymore!

FATHER: (with a thoughtful, faraway look) Hmm. We'll have to change her name, then.

JESUS: (to the Father) May I suggest--

FATHER: My Everlasting--

HOLY SPIRIT: (whispers) Delight.

FATHER: (sighs) Beautiful.

JESUS: (closes His eyes and smiles) Can We keep her, Dad?

FATHER: (chuckles) As if You didn't already know.

ACCUSER: (hisses) Where are my hotels?!

JESUS: (opens His eyes) Do you honestly think We're going to help you, loser?

FATHER: I don't appreciate this obsession for hotels. She isn't a Monopoly game.

ACCUSER: She most certainly is!

JESUS: (laughs) Says you, loser.

FATHER: She isn't a city dump anymore.

JESUS: She's a city.

HOLY SPIRIT: We've been remodeling. Haven't you noticed?

(Panicked, the accuser slithers back down to ground zero and spends a few frantic moments searching. The Trinity resumes Their blueprint discussion. Then They hear skidding and horrifying screeching noises while the accuser climbs back up to The Trinity's spot.)

ACCUSER: What's with all this smooth surface? How do You expect anyone to find You when You've isolated Yourself here?

FATHER: We already told you you're not welcome here.

HOLY SPIRIT: But to answer your question, this is a secret spot. The only Ones who are welcome here is Us.

FATHER: What you were stumbling over used to be a rough place. We scraped it off, sanded it down, and made it smooth.

JESUS: (smiles) No friction for you.

ACCUSER: (yelling) Oh, forget about that! I don't care about that anymore! What I care about is my hotels! What did You do to them?!

HOLY SPIRIT: It was Us, yes.

FATHER: With her cooperation.

JESUS: Team effort, completely impossible without Me.

ACCUSER: You had no right to dismantle my hotels! Hotel Religion is completely obliterated! Hotel Homosexuality is gone! Hotel Jezebel is now a pathetic little historical landmark that's poorly maintained with layers of bird poop and cat-pee stains!

HOLY SPIRIT: Eww. Maybe We should clean that up.

FATHER: (smiles and triumphantly crosses His arms) Maybe We shouldn't. Hotel Jezebel was a condemned building that took a while to bulldoze away.

JESUS: (chuckles) It is fun to see that get pooped on.

HOLY SPIRIT: What a great idea!

(The Holy Spirit snaps His fingers, and a large oak tree suddenly appears over the historical landmark that stands at the former site of Hotel Jezebel. In a matter of seconds, a horde of birds flocks to the oak tree's branches and begins to poop large, fresh piles of used bird food all over the ghetto-quality historical landmark. Squirrels scurry to the oak tree and chase each other around. A few squirrels perch in the tree's branches and trill-grunt at one another.)

JESUS: (laughs) Helper, that's awesome!

FATHER: Great job, Helper. I don't think anyone will want to visit that historical landmark ever again. (snickers)

HOLY SPIRIT: Thanks, You Two!

ACCUSER: (stomps foot) How dare You desecrate what was once my strongest, most beautiful hotel!

FATHER: No, it was a disgrace. This is much better.

ACCUSER: And I haven't even begun to talk about what You've done to Hotel Rejection or Hotel Abandonment!

HOLY SPIRIT: They're condemned buildings. You can't inhabit them anymore.

ACCUSER: (loudly and sarcastically) No! Really?! I had no idea! I thought the gutted-out structures and the wrecking balls would have given me a comfortable night's sleep at what was once my 5-star hotels whose sheeny shines could be seen from miles away!!

JESUS: (crosses His arms) Well, Our city has a different Light now. Me.

FATHER: Him.

HOLY SPIRIT: Us in her.

ACCUSER: And I don't appreciate what You did to Hotel Fear! It's currently burning to a crisp, and nobody has contacted the fire department!

JESUS: (snickers) Loser, get real. We really aren't going to help you at all.

ACCUSER: (jumps up and down like a tantrum-infested child) Where am I supposed to stay?! Where am I supposed to hang my hat?! Where am I supposed to be accommodated around here?!

FATHER: We already told you that you're not welcome here.

ACCUSER: (still jumping) I'll rebuild! You'll see! My hotels will be bigger and better than ever before!

HOLY SPIRIT: No, that would completely violate building code PS.125.3. You can't build without a permit.

JESUS: Yeah, you'll never, ever rebuild here ever again.

FATHER: We'll make sure of that.

ACCUSER: (hissing and drooling) She'll give me all the permits I need! I know her! She's weak! She'll cave under my pressure! I don't need You! I've never needed You! Your disgusting little city dump is mine, all mine!

(Suddenly, the entire city shakes violently, as if a 7.0 earthquake has just struck the site. The Trinity stands firm, but the accuser falls to the ground with a splat.)

JESUS: Uh-oh, loser. You made her mad.

FATHER: (smiles and whispers) Actually, she's Ours. But she's sending you a message.

ACCUSER: Um...

(Music reverberates throughout the city loudly, violently, insistently. Lyrics burst forth from ground zero like an invisible chainsaw: "So, you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So, you think you can love me and leave me to die? Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right out of here.")

ACCUSER: (snorts) She's quoting Queen? What good will that do? She's supposed to quote from the Bible.

JESUS: (sighs frustratedly) Since when do you follow rules, loser?

FATHER: (cocks His head upwards, as if intently listening to someone who has His undivided attention) All right, baby. You got it.

JESUS: (closes His eyes, as if intently listening to someone who has His undivided attention) Sure thing, squirt. (opens His eyes and addresses the accuser) She called on My name, so she's serious. You need to shut up.

(The accuser freezes. The Holy Spirit hands the Father a very large, pointed contraption that resembles a bazooka. The weapon is crusted over like a coral reef but pointed sharply at the end like a pencil. The Father cradles the weapon under His arm and points it at the accuser while He addresses him.)

FATHER: I have a message to you, from her. She hates your guts.

JESUS: Quite violently.

HOLY SPIRIT: Quite thoroughly.

JESUS: Quite passionately.

HOLY SPIRIT: Quite completely, irrevocably, eternally.

FATHER: As We mentioned previously, you are not welcome here anymore. This city is under new ownership, new management, new reign.

JESUS: A permanent one.

HOLY SPIRIT: What the Father now holds in His everlasting arms is a weapon that was formed out of Our city's pain.

JESUS: Do you remember the smooth place that kept tripping you up? When it was a rough place, We scraped it off, sanded it down, glued its rough shavings back together, and made a weapon out of them.

FATHER: (smiles) I don't waste anything.

HOLY SPIRIT: So, hold still while We rebuke you with it--

JESUS: And watch you go bye-bye--

FATHER: (whispers) Because you are not welcome here.

(The Father lunges the pain-weapon through the accuser's heart. Blood, slime, and filth ooze out of the accuser's mouth, and he grunts in severe discomfort. With the pain-weapon still stuck in his chest, he limp-slithers away.)

HOLY SPIRIT: (sighs) I can't wait until We finally get to dispose of him forever.

FATHER: (grins) It'll happen soon and very soon.

JESUS: That last part was really gross. She didn't put a rating or a disclaimer on this post, but We just had a rated-R horror-movie moment.

FATHER: (shrugs His shoulders) That's life. Horror can happen at anytime, without warning.

HOLY SPIRIT: True indeed.

JESUS: (smiles) But we've got her back. She's good to go.

FATHER: (cocks His head upwards, as if intently listening to someone who has His undivided attention) Sing Us another one, baby. We like it. (smiles)

(As if somebody suddenly changed channels, music reverberates throughout the city again, loudly but softly. Carpenters lyrics smoothly caress the air while The Trinity slow-dances. "When there's no getting over that rainbow, when my smallest of dreams won't come true, I can take all the madness the world has to give, but I won't last a day without You.")